hesitation

I'm the girl who waits until she's sure and by the time she knows, it's too late.

Sometimes I forget that life doesn't hold still just because I'm indecisive.

Maybe I fear regret of doing more than I fear regret of not doing.

Or maybe I fear success because I might not know how to handle it.

I'm good at heartache and disappointment. It's familiar and I know how I deal.

But for some reason, it's so difficult for me to believe that success will come. Maybe that's because I think I won't know what to do when it does.

image via

have a little faith

Right now, I'm learning a little about faith.

In myself, in others and in a loving God who has a plan for me.

Someone who knows the timing better than I do, and who can see the whole picture.

On a less dramatic note, in 11 days representatives from 14 ad agencies are coming to look at our portfolios and I get nauseated just thinking about that.

I'm really excited, but this just means I have to be ready to show my soul to them in advertising form and hope that they like it.

It's vulnerability to a degree that I have not yet experienced.

But I prefer this to stagnant growth any day.

Here's to the sweat and tears that will be spent over the next 11 days, putting my book through the refiner's fire.

And here's to having a little faith.

A few good words

"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."
-Marjorie Pay Hinckley

"The secret of happiness is not in doing what one likes to do, but in liking what one has to do."
-Richard L. Evans

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway. Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."
-Mother Theresa

I love that last one. happiness is a choice and some of the happiest people I know, have some of the toughest problems, but they've found a way to see the good through it all.

miracles

"23And these three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, fell down bound into the midst of the burning fiery furnace.

...

25He answered and said, Lo, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they have no ^ahurt; and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God.

26¶Then Nebuchadnezzar came near to the mouth of the burning fiery furnace, and spake, and said, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, ye servants of the most high God, come forth, and come hither. Then Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, came forth of the midst of the fire.

27And the princes, governors, and captains, and the king’s counsellors, being gathered together, saw these men, upon whose bodies the ^afire had no power, nor was an hair of their head singed, neither were their coats ^bchanged, nor the smell of fire had passed on them.

28Then Nebuchadnezzar spake, and said, Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, who hath sent his ^aangel, and delivered his servants that ^btrusted in him, and ^chave changed the king’s word, and yielded their bodies, that they might not serve nor worship any god, except their own God."

Daniel 3:23-28

I've always been amazed by this story. It would have been so incredible to witness this miracle and see the men in the furnace emerge unscathed.

But it also makes me think of the story of Abinadi. I'm sure he was just as faithful and devoted to God as Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego, but he was not saved from his fire.

Anyway, that made me think about trials I've experienced and the trials I've witnessed others struggle with, and how sometimes the Lord chooses to take away the pain, and sometimes he lets us experience it.

But I think that is because we all learn and grow in different ways. Sometimes our faith grows by witnessing a miracle, and sometimes the miracle is that even after the tough times, we can still believe. He knows us and He knows not only what we need, but how we need it.

And I am so grateful for that.

All is well

So glad I finally finished the series. In 4 weeks, I read books 5-7 (the 7th at about 10:15 last night), watched movies 1-4, 5 and 7.1, and remembered that I love to read.

And I love magic.

Thanks for reminding us that, in the end, good will always triumph.

image via

Peter

Peter has always been one of my favorite apostles.

Maybe that's because I can see a bit of myself in him.

He had such incredible faith, and wanted to defend the Lord at whatever cost.

But he is so perfectly imperfectly human.

Because sometimes he made mistakes.

And fell short of his own hopes.

And maybe got a little scared.

And had doubts.

But he was devoted and tried so hard.

He acted on his faith. He lived faithfully and passionately and loved the Lord with all his heart.

And I think he was stronger than he gave himself credit for. He had faith in the Savior, but maybe not always faith in himself.

St. John 21: 7-8 (emphasis added)

7 Therefore that disciple whom Jesus loved saith unto Peter, It is the Lord. Now when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he girt his fisher’s coat unto him, (for he was naked,) and did cast himself into the sea.

8 And the other disciples came in a little ship; (for they were not far from land, but as it were two hundred cubits,) dragging the net with fishes.

I love that.

He knew.

And he ran to Him.

That's all there is to it.

image via this*

*The painting is from James Tissot's exhibit, "The Life of Christ". It's a beautiful collection of images from the Savior's life. And I especially loved this image of Peter. It just shows how excited and anxious he is to see the Savior. And it seems that he has no doubt that the Savior has returned.

Love is Not Blind

"Some stupid people started the idea that because women obviously back up their own people through everything, therefore women are blind and do not see anything. They can hardly have known any women. The same women who are ready to defend their men through thick and thin...are almost morbidly lucid about the thinness of [their] excuses or the thickness of [their] head[s]. Love is not blind; that is the last thing it is. Love is bound, and the more it is bound, the less it is blind." (G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy)

I just read this speech and I loved it. It's a little long, but definitely worth the time.

It's interesting to think about the different attitudes people have about life and how it's not bad to understand the difference between reality and the ideal, but there must be a balance in order to achieve real happiness.

manifesto for the school year

"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength."

-August Wilson

There are some things I feel like I've slacked on this summer.

Not that this summer was a failure.

Not at all.

But I feel like I was just so busy and caught up in the many things I was doing (good things, mind you), that I lost a little bit of who I am.

Just a little bit.

I slacked off a little bit in some things that are important to me.

Just a little bit.

This is not me ragging on myself or moping about the past.

This is just me recommitting to a life I love.

A life that is full of passion and character and a few blue recycling bins.

A life of living the principle that less is more.

And that books and music and writing and good quality entertainment are not a waste of time.

That these books mean so much more when I'm not half-asleep.

That playing is just as important to my health as working.

And that learning is a privilege, not a burden.

So I'm going to unpack the boxes in my room, and figure out what to keep, what to get rid of and what to put away until I decide how important it is to me.

And recommit to loving the life God gave me. And remembering what is important.

image from this fabulous girl

Some Kind of Story, Part Two

She'd always played it pretty safe.

She could be spontaneous about the little things.

The midnight food runs, the impulse buys, the making of friends and the trusting of those friends.

But love?

Love was not something she ever did without thinking.

In fact, she thought about it a lot.

And she wondered if maybe she did a little too much wondering and dreaming and writing.

And not enough leaping.

cannonball into the water

My natural reaction, when it comes to with those things called men, is to let the other girl win, (assuming there is another girl).

I don't like head-to-head competition. Maybe it's that I'm scared to lose. Or maybe it's that I think it's petty and pointless.

Either way, I tend to take the route of becoming really good friends with that guy, figuring that he'll only ever see me as that, but hoping that someday, when the other girl breaks his heart, he'll realize that I'm better for him than she ever was.

Because I was there.

Because I knew him better.

Because I never took him for granted.

And maybe he'll start to see me as the kind of friend that lasts forever.

{ Now, I could end this post right now. But you would all think that I haven't learned anything from this way of thinking, or from the past few almost loves I've had. }

But that way of thinking is a dream.

It's the exception, not the rule (to quote "He's Just Not That Into You.")

It's selling myself short because I'm too scared of what might not be.

I think I've been too passive, in an attempt to not be overbearing, when it comes to those things called men. I see girls that are like that, and wonder why they just don't get that the guy they want is, well, just not that into them.

I never thought that maybe they look at me and wonder why I never go after what I want.

I have to remind myself that I don't just deserve to be fought for, but that I owe it to myself to fight at least a little bit for who I want.

Because he's worth fighting for, or even fighting over.

And how is anyone supposed to know who I am or what I have to offer, if I never show them or tell them or give them a little bit of myself?

I'm really good at being "the friend." I know that.

But it's comfortable. Maybe too comfortable.

Maybe it's time to start giving myself credit.

It's a little exercise in confidence.

It's a little exercise in trusting my heart.

It's a little exercise in hoping for the best.

Throwing away the safety net.

Forgetting about Plan B.

And leaping into the unknown,

heart pounding,

fingers shaking,

but with gusto and faith.

image via sabino

{Thoughts? I'm interested to see what people think about this whole "fighting for what you want" thing. So comment. Because who doesn't love comments?)

let's get out there and add some beauty to the world

"Love makes us instinctively reach out to God and other people."

-Jeffrey R. Holland

I loved spending the whole weekend listening to some wonderful words and feeling inspired to do good.

Life is good. And peace can be found, even when it seems like it has forgotten about us.

Happy belated Easter to you all!

photo via deviantart

peace

Sometimes I have to remind myself that my best is enough. That I'm enough.

And that as long as I keep trying to make my best better, everything will work out.

I'm trying and I'm growing. And I feel at peace with that.

"peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."

-unknown (seen on one of my favorite cards)

image via deviantart

"This city just showed you that it's full of people ready to believe in good."

I was planning on posting about this movie, and the great quotes from it, but Katie beat me to it.

Go here. Read.

Savor the poetic symbolism of the Dark Knight.

**spoiler alert!**

My absolute favorite moment of the movie is when one of the convicts gets up and takes the detonator and says, "Give it to me. You can tell them I took it by force. Give it to me, and I'll do, what you shoulda did, ten minutes ago." And then he throws it out the window...

I think this movie is so powerful and has so many beautiful themes. It portrays evil so well without glorifying it; it portrays it as evil, and I think that is really important.


(not to mention the excellent musical score from it)

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'Tis the Season...(well almost)

Yes. This is one of those totally typical Thanksgiving gratitude lists. But I don't care. I like them anyway.

Reasons to keep breathing every day:
1. My family is incredible and I get to see them [except Christine :( ] tomorrow!
2. Family. Friends. Work. School. Every aspect of my life is a gift from God.
3. Excellent roommates
4. I think I've found my niche. Let's just hope it {the Ad Program} accepts me.
5. This song. Still playing it on repeat.
6. The Doogie Howser M.D. theme song.
7. Undeniable optimism.
8. The AdLab won the Canned Food Drive Sculpture contest. :)
9. All of my classes were canceled today.
10. Finding out curry is not that hard to make.
11. Music. Always a good reason to breathe.
12. Finding a great job.
13. Dinner group.
14. New friends.
15. Professors/TAs who care.
16. Late night Smiths runs.
17. Seeing/talking to old friends.

18. Family stories.

19. Listening to my grandparents and parents reminisce.

20. Spending time with my little brother.

21. Being home. There is nothing like it.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

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When your secret heart cannot speak so easily

Katie's post title reminded me of how much I love this song.



Love-to-be:
This one's for you.

Sometimes I just need to hear a song. Over and over. I need it because it feeds my soul and it builds me up and gives me that something I need to get through the day. It's a break from the monotone chaos of life. It's a fresh breath from the mundane. It is how I find my "invincible summer."

Today. This is that song.

“The world is not respectable; it is mortal, tormented, confused, deluded forever; but it is shot through with beauty, with love, with glints of courage and laughter; and in these, the spirit blooms timidly, and struggles to the light amid the thorns.”

-George Santayana