12

Maybe my New Year's resolution should be to stop neglecting this little blog of mine so often.

Just to warn, this is going to be one of those catch all, catch up posts. Don't expect beautiful writing or any attempts at poetry; it's just the raw, real stuff.

Because life is messy sometimes.

So let's see, major updates:

1st semester of the creative track is done. (weird, but it was a crazy busy, fun, good time)

I'm graduating in less than 5 months.

I'm realizing I'm much more of a flirt than I thought. (good or bad? This could be a post of it's own, so maybe more on this later).

Finals are over and grades turned out better, in some classes, than I expected.

Christmas at home was wonderful. My family is incredible. Lunch with Dad, Downton Abbey with Mom, last minute Christmas shopping and Panda Express with the little brother, Portland adventures with the sister (and sister's friends) and bro-in-law, sooo many treats and tins of fudge with Oma, a family history lesson with Opa, a visit from Grandad, and plenty of Rock Band and Just Dance with all.

New Year's adventures in Portland with Hilamonster (aka this girl Hilary who made sure I didn't die in El Salvador): getting kicked out of a birthday party turning into a girls night out on the town, eating sick-nasty oatmeal at Le Montage (potential remnants of ashtray contents included), and a rockin New Year's Eve dance party.

Welcome, 2012.

Here's to another year of adventures and misadventures, and all the nonsense in between.

(Oh, and as far as boys go, I can't say there is a boy, but there is the hope of something with a certain boy.)

grin and bear it

I realized something about myself the other day.
Something different.
Not a huge change.
But, for me, a significant one.

I smile bigger than I used to.
Not more,
bigger.

Wider smiles at people I know.
Smiling with my eyes and not just my lips.
Even a few of those big, cheesy grins at complete strangers (the kind I used to balk at and think of as so fake)

And I don't think it's because of anything in particular.
It's because I'm just...happy.
And I've been happy for a while, but
I think it's more that my outlook on life is generally a positive one.

Because there are still times when I'm annoyed or frustrated or upset (sometimes warranted, sometimes not).
But I've learned, I guess, to not let those moments define me.

Life is a gift.
And even when life is awful, there are still some not so awful parts of it (however hard to find they may be).

So if you think this sounds like an overly-optimistic rant that should have been put at the end of a low budget chick flick/church film, you're probably right.

But, oh well, maybe life is sometimes like the movies.

image via

manifesto for the school year

"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength."

-August Wilson

There are some things I feel like I've slacked on this summer.

Not that this summer was a failure.

Not at all.

But I feel like I was just so busy and caught up in the many things I was doing (good things, mind you), that I lost a little bit of who I am.

Just a little bit.

I slacked off a little bit in some things that are important to me.

Just a little bit.

This is not me ragging on myself or moping about the past.

This is just me recommitting to a life I love.

A life that is full of passion and character and a few blue recycling bins.

A life of living the principle that less is more.

And that books and music and writing and good quality entertainment are not a waste of time.

That these books mean so much more when I'm not half-asleep.

That playing is just as important to my health as working.

And that learning is a privilege, not a burden.

So I'm going to unpack the boxes in my room, and figure out what to keep, what to get rid of and what to put away until I decide how important it is to me.

And recommit to loving the life God gave me. And remembering what is important.

image from this fabulous girl

"i have measured out my life with coffee* spoons"

For my creative writing class, we are asked to keep a journal and read two poems a day.
I came across the poem "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Eliot and loved it.

"There will be time, there will be time

To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;

There will be time to murder and create,

And time for all the works and days of hands

That lift and drop a question on your plate;

Time for you and time for me,

And time yet for a hundred indecisions,

And for a hundred visions and revisions,

Before the taking of a toast and tea."

It so perfectly describes the stresses of life, while assuring the reader that, "there will be time."

*though I don't drink coffee myself, i love coffee shops, really good hot cocoa, and this line of the poem.

image via deviantart

i don't wanna sit on the pavement while you fly, but I will*

Sometimes you just have to throw your hair up into a messy bun,
and shrug off the world,

and realize that no matter what is driving you absolutely mad right now,

There is always new air to breathe tomorrow.

image via sabino

*ingrid, you rock. that's all.

nothing wrong with a little change

Love-to-be:

Please choose your occupation because it's something you love, not simply because it will make you loads of money.

I've told you before, it's not about the money.

I will love you just as much for your passion for what you do as for the inventive ways we will stretch our dollars.

Love it enough to do it for 20, 30 or 40 years, but love me enough to let it mellow into a conversation topic when you come home.

Let it be your profession, your passion, but not your life.

I always admire men who choose a career that may not be the most financially cushy, but that is something they truly enjoy.

So. Whatever you choose to do, do it with passion.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a doctor or a lawyer or even an advertising man. There is no reason you should feel guilty for making six figures. That would just give us more opportunities to do good, and I would love that.

All of this is just to say that if what acts as your figurative cup of coffee in the morning is the thought of teaching 17-year olds about The Cold War or mitosis or Shakespeare, we will be just fine.

We'll live in a small*, older house, with chipped paint and a kitchen table we'll refinish ourselves.

We'll find adventures in weekend camping trips and coveted nights out, but mostly in good conversation and great food.

Made by yours truly, of course.

We'll learn to save our pennies and nickels and dimes and when we finally have enough to take that big trip to Europe or South America or Africa that we've always wanted to take, we'll appreciate it that much more.

So, dear, do what you love, love what you do, and love me too.

*I don't much care for housework, anyway. So, in my opinion, the less house to clean, the better.

image via deviantart

Thirsty

This is why I love advertising.

I know the people who created this brilliant idea.

They are masters. And I look up to them.

It's called the Tap Duel.

You challenge your friends to see who is more willing to pay up.

And you help thirsty children along the way.

And you can beat your friends, and even throw down a little good-hearted charitable trash talk if you want.

The best part is the children always win. {Even if you lose.}* Because it's about them anyway, right?

To find out more about the UNICEF Tap Project, go here.

*But you're not really a loser because you're still donating.

"Let me show you what I'm made of:

...good intentions are not enough." Loving this song.

Love-to-be:

Remember this letter?

It occurred to me the other day, that when we meet, I might be the one that needs to be patient and not get upset if you're upset about another girl.

A girl from your past who is still on your mind and in your heart. A girl that I will probably need to forgive, in my own heart, for how she hurt you. A girl that probably didn't really do anything wrong besides not be the right one for you.

So. If that is the case, I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere. I've been a friend a few more times than I've been a girlfriend. I've got strong shoulders and a big heart.

Big enough for both of our issues. And big enough for that kind of love where it's not about me, but about you. And what you need.

I just hope that what you need is me.

image

a daydream in a cup*

*several people have already posted about this song. but I love it, nonetheless.

A few small battles I feel like I'm winning:

-cleaning up my room and doing some laundry

-conquering the physical science exam.

-reaching out and saying hi to people I know, even if they might not remember my name.

-feeling like I'm actually being productive when I'm in the Adlab.

-making new friends.

-accepting the truth. and moving on.

-bridling my jealous tendencies

-making an apple pie entirely from scratch.

It's been a pretty good week so far.

e-e-everything is gonna be alright, rock-a-bye*

I'm so grateful.

Grateful for this wonderful gift God gave me. That even when things don't go how I want them to: I know it's going to be okay.

And I know that my definition of "okay" isn't the only definition, and isn't usually the best.

But everything will be alright.

Image via deviant art

*great song.