cannonball into the water

My natural reaction, when it comes to with those things called men, is to let the other girl win, (assuming there is another girl).

I don't like head-to-head competition. Maybe it's that I'm scared to lose. Or maybe it's that I think it's petty and pointless.

Either way, I tend to take the route of becoming really good friends with that guy, figuring that he'll only ever see me as that, but hoping that someday, when the other girl breaks his heart, he'll realize that I'm better for him than she ever was.
Because I was there.
Because I knew him better.
Because I never took him for granted.

And maybe he'll start to see me as the kind of friend that lasts forever.

{ Now, I could end this post right now. But you would all think that I haven't learned anything from this way of thinking, or from the past few almost loves I've had. }

But that way of thinking is a dream.
It's the exception, not the rule (to quote "He's Just Not That Into You.")
It's selling myself short because I'm too scared of what might not be.

I think I've been too passive, in an attempt to not be overbearing, when it comes to those things called men. I see girls that are like that, and wonder why they just don't get that the guy they want is, well, just not that into them.

I never thought that maybe they look at me and wonder why I never go after what I want.

I have to remind myself that I don't just deserve to be fought for, but that I owe it to myself to fight at least a little bit for who I want.

Because he's worth fighting for, or even fighting over.

And how is anyone supposed to know who I am or what I have to offer, if I never show them or tell them or give them a little bit of myself?

I'm really good at being "the friend." I know that.
But it's comfortable. Maybe too comfortable.

Maybe it's time to start giving myself credit.
It's a little exercise in confidence.
It's a little exercise in trusting my heart.
It's a little exercise in hoping for the best.
Throwing away the safety net.
Forgetting about Plan B.

And leaping into the unknown,

heart pounding,

fingers shaking,

but with gusto and faith.

image via sabino

{Thoughts? I'm interested to see what people think about this whole "fighting for what you want" thing. So comment. Because who doesn't love comments?)


Quarters said...

Wow, Laura I never realized how alike we are. I have always just done the "friend" thing. I like what you say about fighting for what you want. I agree that you should have to do some fighting, but my problem is finding balance. How much do I fight, and how much should he fight for me? haha it is just interesting to think about you know?

Josh said...

Yes! Yes! Yes! Guys like to be fought for a little bit too sometimes. :) I think we kinda see it as we fight most of the time but it's nice to find every once in a while a moment that she fights back as if to almost say, "Yes Boy. I'm paying attention. Keep doing your fighting thing. I'm watching and liking you."

Bob Z. said...

I don't like the idea of fighting or competing for someone. To me that seems like it would lead to superficial behavior, in that guys try to be something they think the girl wants so they can win her over. I don't just give up when other guys also like the same girl, but I would rather be myself and hope that she wants me for who I am.

I wrote a post about how it is hard for me to wrap my mind around the idea that a girl can actually want a guy. I really like knowing that the girl is also choosing me, not just that I fought hard enough to win her. Maybe it's the same thing but just from a different perspective...

Anonymous said...

While I hide under the name of Anonymous, let me say that fighting for something you want is absolutely essential. A guy doesn't pursue a girl that doesn't choose to be pursued.

The "friend" thing has nothing to do with being pursued. The "friend" thing is about bringing someone in close to you without the pressures of what could be a romantic relationship. Let's face it, getting to know someone in a relationship is different than getting to know someone as a "friend".

I like to call it "romantic tension". There has to be tension between a couple to keep interest high so that we give each other an opportunity to know each other. With friends, there is no tension. Yes, in a relationship we want to find our best friend, but none of us want to find that right away. We want intrigue and interest, adventurous and spontaneous.

So to answer your question, you need to give more effort into dating the boys your interested in, rather than getting comfortable around them as friends.

Laura, I know you, and I remember the first time we met. I remember curiously wanting to ask you out, but you immediately pulled us into a friend type zone, quickly vanquishing the romantic interest.

Jody Lynn said...

laura, if there's one thing i've learned lately it's that you have to be bold and daring when it comes to these things called men. so be bold. be daring. and do some things that pull you out of your comfort zone. ;)

brown eyed girl said...

Mr. Anonymous--

You intrigue me and I'm pretty curious who you are...and what was so curious about you wanting to ask me out...

I wonder when it was that we met because that would tell a lot about how open my heart was and where I was when it came to relationships. Maybe I wasn't interested in you (or maybe I was), or maybe I just wasn't interested in anyone or anything right then.

Guess I'll never know...

Jon said...

Hang in there.

P.S. I told you I was reading...