Imagine a life...

Random Fact about me #6:

I have this rather odd habit of imagining other people's lives. And sometimes myself in them. When I am people-watching, which I tend to do quite often when I am bored, I make up what they might be like in my head. This also happens a lot when I see people in passing and catch a bit of their conversation; the beginning of a phrase, the tail end of a thought. Sometimes I finish the thought unconsciously and, without intending to, imagine an entire moment, day, experience related to it.

For example:
Today was my little brother's piano recital. There was a young family sitting in front of me. Husband, Wife, and little girl sitting in-between. NOTE: from this point on, any assumptions are purely speculative, without any solid facts.

I noticed that the woman was wearing some sort of bracelet that seemed to be related to the military, or so I assumed. (it said something about "hope, service and courage.") That and the fact that the husband had a buzz cut and looked fairly muscular made me wonder if he was in the military, and she, an army/navy/marine wife.

I wondered what I would do in that position. How I could handle it. If I could bring myself to commit and marry someone, when I knew they would have to be gone for months or years at a time, risking their lives every day. That many times, I would have to listen to people complain about the war and the government, and decide how/when/if I should speak up. He defends this country, the least I could do would be to defend him.

It would be very hard. It made me think of SheDaisy's song, "come home soon":

I put away the groceries
And I take my daily bread
I dream of your arms around me
As I tuck the kids in bed

I walk alone
I try alone
I'll wait for you, don't want to die alone
So please, come home soon

So to all those in the military, but also their families: I commend you. I may not always agree 100% with the government, or the wars we fight as a nation. But I will always support those who willingly choose to serve and defend this country.

operation nice.

this made me smile today.
isn't that really what life is all about?


some random thoughts from the past couple days...

some boys can be really cute when they sing obnoxious songs

sometimes when you think you are terrible at something, everyone else thinks you're doing okay

cold showers are incredibly nice on very hot days

three days off, in a row, is a beautiful thing

secret spoonfuls of spumoni somehow taste better

new cds in the mail make me giddy

100% is a beautiful score for a test

working hard and pushing yourself does the body good

making a goal feels good. meeting it feels better.

it's probably bad how I tend to swear in my head...should work on that

being a lady can be very hard and exhausting

one slice of pizza is not a full meal

i am becoming more and more of a night owl

i don't like that i didn't see my brother all day

5 days until payday= :-)

i like when people think i am a good server

tips are a beautiful thing, especially when i get to keep them

i wore shorts today and i haven't shaved my legs in a week...scandalous

i think blow-dryers should hibernate during the summer

i had a terrible dream last night, and i don't know what it means

i really want to go water-skiing. really.

life is beautiful. live it. love it. let yourself love and be loved.

image from deviantart


Today was a good day for...


getting off my butt and going running in that beautiful sunshine


chats with old friends

eyeliner and blush

wavy hair

drinking ice water instead of pop

british accents

feeling tan

not getting hit on by awkward guys at work...

goo goo dolls on the radio

driving my truck

my pseudo-converse hi tops

two showers

mysteriously-disappearing allergies

determination rather than discouragement

Merry Thursday!



Love, Save the Empty

*new favorites*

Chantal Kreviazuk
Erin McCarley

you belong with me-taylor swift
foundations-kate nash (thanks Katie, for introducing me to this one!)
gravity-john mayer

and a few old favorites, for good measure:
que vida la mia-reik (this was the first song in spanish that I listened to and could understand almost everything...it was a glorious moment)
la vie en rose-the louis armstrong version from French Kiss and the original edith piaf one.
life less ordinary-carbon leaf

*also: this post was originally going to be just about music, but I have a new favorite book: Persepolis. It's very comical, in parts, but very interesting. I'm anxious to read the second one, and to see the movie.*


the weekend.

Saturday I spent the day with my mom.

We went to the farmers market Then we made jam. Lots of it. (find more detailed posts about those here). This is my mom's way of helping me fulfill part of #2 on this list...(aka become less domestically-challenged).

We have many more projects planned for the summer. I'm pretty stoked about it. :) Maybe I'll be a little bit closer to checking off numbers 2, 3, 4, 17, and 25.

Today was a good Sunday. Caught up with some old friends at church. Family barbeque. Cupcake decorating. Home movies.

Tomorrow will be grand. No work. Just time to play with the family :).

Happy Memorial Day!




I hate the idea of impossible. For some, it is motivating. It creates a challenge; something to be overcome.

But, tonight especially, I think it is terribly hopeless. Especially when I know that while it may not actually be impossible, it has to be impossible. For me, at least. I have to make it impossible.

I'm not making any sense, I know.

It's just that, tonight, I'm feeling a little lonesome.
A little more than usual.

Oh, how I wish i knew what life had in store for me. Because it's a little bit easier to take things one day at a time, when you know that someday something wonderful will happen. Wonderful enough to make all the others worth it.

I know it's coming, eventually. I just wish I knew when...


in case you need a laugh...

check this out.

(my way of putting a plug in for the venting blog

if you can relate, I'd love to hear stories :).



Last night...

I dreamt I kissed someone.
A few times.
With my eyes closed tight.

Because of that, I don't know who this dream boy was, or even what he looked like.

I wonder what that means.
{I always wonder what dreams mean.}

Does it mean that I didn't want to know who this guy was....

...or that I just didn't care?


little does he know...

I might like this boy. Sort of.

It is one of those irrational crushes that I know full well won't go anywhere. I mentioned him before, once, on this list.

Sometimes I wish things were different. Actually, a lot of times I wish that things were different. That we were different. That we were more compatible. That there wasn't that huge obstacle standing in the way.

There are so many facets of his personality and character that I could fall so deeply in love with. Maybe that is why I am so cautious about this, and can't let him know.

The main problem that stands in the way is that we are too different, religiously speaking, for it to work; and neither one of us would want to compromise. (and frankly, the fact that he is so committed to his own faith is one of the things I admire about him.)

But he is a good man. He might not think so, but I believe he is. He has a good heart, a good head on his shoulders, and a smile that can make me lose my train of thought. He is smart, in all the ways that really count; I've never had a particularly intellectually-stimulating conversation with him on a subject other than religion. But I can just tell.

Confession: I don't actually know him that well. Not as well as I'd like to.

I want to know his motivation in life. Why he is the way he is. What caused him to become so strong in his faith and so knowledgeable about it. What his family is like. Why he is still in this town. What he struggles with. What his weaknesses are. What makes him happy.

And, of course: what he thinks about me....does he ever think about me? That is a question I wonder about almost everyone I know. not in the sense that I have to please everyone. I'm just curious what people think about me, based on what they know about my life.

He could so easily be my summer crush. But that would be dangerous, now wouldn't it?

It's scary to let your heart really feel sometimes, isn't it? I think that too often we don't want to give our heart as much power or control as it wants because we are so afraid of falling apart. Which it often does.

The next best thing would be for him to become a good friend. Or better yet, for me to become a good friend to him. That is generally my heart's compromise to the whole falling in love/breaking my heart dilemma. I love having male best friends, and I have been lucky several times with that.

[insert borderline-sappy and somewhat random shoutout]

{Josh Cluff--you might be reading this, but you are one of my closest guy friends, if not the closest. You fill spots in my life that no female could. I probably don't tell you enough how grateful I am for that. You were many things for me this year, but most of all, you were my friend.}

But back to the point.

I don't really know why I felt particularly anxious to write about this. Or why I wanted to write about it at all. I guess writing/typing out my thoughts is one way I try to organize them and make sense of my complicated mind.

These thoughts don't even have to apply to just one boy. I guess this is kind of a collection and rambling of my thoughts about life and love.

I think there will definitely be more where this came from. So if you haven't gotten too bored and kept reading, stay tuned. :)

(Like this wasn't a long enough post already?)


25 before I'm 25

I saw this on Meg Fee's lovely blog and it inspired me to make a list of my own.

I've actually been working on it for a few weeks, but it took a little bit of time to compile 25 goals that were daring enough to inspire me, yet realistic enough that I could accomplish them.

25 before I turn 25:

1. Spend some time in foreign country
2. Learn to cook
3. Learn how to use graphic design programs [Photoshop, InDesign, etc....currently i use "paint" :)]
4. Read 25 new books
5. Let myself fall in love
6. Go to New York City
7. Define my political opinions a little more; be more knowledgeable (particularly for 2012)
8. Record a CD with Brittany in a recording studio
9. Learn to play guitar
10. Write an up-tempo song
11. Learn to not be afraid of driving
12. Use my writing skills for good
13. Kiss someone at midnight on New Year's Eve
14. Donate something (time/money) each year to worthy causes (excluding tithing/fast offerings)
15. Become fluent in Spanish
16. Create something I am really proud of: a song, a painting, a dance, an idea, a wedding dress
17. Learn to like vegetables
18. Start a collection of records
19. Take a cross-country road trip
20. Go to a really good concert or two
21. Get paid to use my talents (no matter how little)
22. Spend some time with my family in the Deep South
23. Share my talents. For once, really show off
24. Take full advantage of the dance opportunities available to me
25. Read each of these at least once, all the way through



Sometimes I dream of...

lighting my whole house with nothing but candles...

kissing a stranger...

starring in a movie...

eating everything that I want to and not feeling bad about it...

being the best at something...

speaking a thousand different languages...

living in latin america...

writing a song to change someone's world...

singing jazz in a night club...

living in Israel around 30 AD...

writing a book...

having Nat King Cole sing at my wedding reception...

dancing on Broadway...

getting locked in a bookstore or library...overnight...

being a fashion designer in New York...

not feeling as scared of life as I sometimes do...

being deeply in love, or maybe just being loved deeply.

photo from deviant art via simplysublime


what is currently stuck in my head.

It seems like every time I turned on the radio this week, I caught the chorus of this song, by Rodney Atkins:

"It’s a high school prom
It’s a Springsteen’s song
It’s a ride in a Chevrolet
It’s a man on the moon
And fireflies in June
Kids selling lemonade
It’s cities and farms
It’s open arms
One nation under God

It’s America"

It gives me chills.
This simple representation of everyday america, aside from the undeniable big problems we face as a nation, gives me hope for the future.
Country music always seems very patriotic and down-to-earth, to me. I think that's a big part of why I like it. It can be so honest and heartfelt.
and I wholeheartedly agree with this line from the same song:

"No we don’t always get it all right
But there’s no place else I’d rather build my life"

I feel so blessed and proud to live in this country. And no one can take that away.
photo via google images via this


Que Vida La Mia

Sometimes I feel totally and utterly alone.

But sometimes, I feel so surrounded by love and beauty and honest, good people. Maybe I say that too much. But it is still true.

I like when life is colorful and beautiful and wonderful and exciting and surprising and unexpected.

I like when I like life.

People just make me SO happy sometimes.

"Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart."
-Anne Frank

I thoroughly agree.

and one more thing that really makes me happy: music

"Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy?"
-Natasha Bedingfield

photo via deviantart.com via wint3r88


he said you gave him a toothache/how'd I do that?/it's an expression, it means he thought you were sweet

Going to the dentist can be awkward.

You sit there and the hygienist leans you back in the chair, tells you to "open a little bit wider" and then proceeds to ask you about your family/friends/where you go to school/etc, all the while with his or her fingers in your mouth scraping, poking and polishing your teeth.

Yeah, right.

*also. if you know what movie the subject is from (without googling it), you are my hero for the day :)*


This Summer

I make lists all the time. I guess it's my way of trying to put down on paper what I want to accomplish, in hopes that if I write it down, it will actually come true.

A mini-list to begin:
1. Brittany and I make summer workout plans. Every. Single. Summer.
2. I have about a billion of these "things I want to accomplish" lists
3. To be frank, I will be lucky if I get half the things on this list done. But that's better than nothing, right?

Here goes.

Things I want to learn to do/accomplish/get done during Summer 2009:

1. Improve my sewing skills (I actually don't really have sewing "skills" to begin with, but I have to start somewhere)
2. Learn more about graphic design programs
3. Learn to cook more than just chicken enchiladas, vanilla crepes and hot cocoa.
4. Savor the taste of MAma CarOle's Traditional Cheesecake
5. Go to the Farmers Market with Mom
6. Go to Kevin's Baseball games.
7. DON'T get fat on soda pop and ice cream
8. Go to Salem and see more than just the capital building
9. READ for fun! (that is a WHOLE other list to be made: Books I want to read this summer)
10. Grow spiritually. Go back to school stronger in my faith. (This is another one that could turn into a whole post, but I really want to make meaningful scripture study and prayer a part of every day)
11. Floss! (this is always on my lists, but I've never been very consistent with it. Oh well.)

Hopefully:-). So far I have: been to the farmer's market, a baseball game, eaten cheesecake, read one book, flossed twice, and studied my scriptures with Preach My Gospel once. *little pat on the back*


Vendetta against that kind of green

Random Fact #5:

I really don't like lettuce.

People tell me that I'm crazy. That it has no flavor; that it doesn't taste like anything.

I disagree. I think it tastes like limp, water-y bits of green paper, and the only way I ever get it from mouth to stomach is if it is smothered in the creamy goodness of ranch or caesar or blue cheese.


Adventures in Portland-land! :D

My beautiful mother and I eating lunch at Old Wives' Tale on Burnside Street.
'Twas excellent.

A little stop at Moonstruck Chocolate Cafe, where they make many decadent treats like these.

A little light (or not-so-light!) reading.
Someday I will know this much about chocolate.

Lastly, a stop at Powell's City of Books.
Used books.
Words to live by.

Can I take it all home with me? Please?

I love spending time with my mom, especially in Portland. It was a great first outing since I have been back home. Hopefully there will be many more this summer.