I fight hard and forgive easily

And that's just the way I am.
My method of dealing with issues most of the time, is to not deal with it at all. Ignore it long enough, pretend it didn't happen, and it will go away.

Or at least hide itself for a while.

I have to remember that not everyone is like me.
And that doesn't always make one of us right and the other wrong. It just makes us different.

It's hard when you are trying to do "the right thing," but it ends up hurting people anyway.

Tonight I acted selfish and stubborn.
And I thought I was justified.

Then I got a little taste of humility. And it was good for me. I needed that.

So thanks.

image via deviantart


She's fine, most of the time

These are tough times.
Let's try and pull things together, together.

"Breathe, just breathe, take the world off your shoulders, and put it on me."

I think this is utterly beautiful. Especially the lyrics.
To find out more, visit: www.breathe4jobs.com


Dear current love-of-my-life,

We haven't spent much time together lately, and that makes me sad. In fact, it makes me want to cry.

I've had too much to do, and too many mornings of getting up way too early.

You are my guilty pleasure. You are my refuge from the world. And I love you for that.

I'm tired of never being with you. Exhausted from our separation. Delirious from your absence.

I know I've neglected you. You just stay there, in my room, with the covers messed up and the sheets wrinkled. Patiently waiting all day long for me to come crawl into you and just rest from the world.

Maybe tonight I'll come back to you, and make you more of a priority in my life. Because, my wonderful twin bed with tye-dyed sheets and way too much stuff shoved underneath, you deserve that. I deserve that.

Let's just stay in tonight and cuddle.


*So I have a relationship with inanimate objects. Sue me. At least it's a start.


Pretty Please

I'm in an Advertising class.
We're doing a project.

You can help: do this little survey, and I'll be forever grateful!

thanks a million :)

Love you all.



I fell in love with live music and Jon Foreman's voice my senior year of high school.
Switchfoot was my first real concert, and though I haven't been to that many since, nothing has topped it yet.

Front row.
Pressed against the barrier to the stage.
Jon Foreman standing on that barrier and touching all of our hands, while singing "Meant to Live."

I felt young and alive and invincible.
An unforgettable feeling.

Today, as it's raining outside, this song came on. It's one of my favorites from that concert.

"These dreams started singing to me out of nowhere,
and, all my life, I don't know if I've ever felt so alive."

i wish I had taken this picture. But I didn't.


The search ends here.

I fell in love with this song.
I don't know when I heard it for the first time, but it's definitely a new favorite.


to be or not to be {myself}

Maybe I've said too much...

Sometimes I feel like I tell the world, (or at least the portion of it that reads this blog), too much about myself.

I let my guard down in my little spec of the world wide web, and really put my heart out in the open. Because I feel safe here. It's my space. My world.

My problem is this: I wonder if the real me will scare him away. Sometimes I wonder what he'd think if he stumbled across this blog. It's probably a bad idea to let him see too much too soon. Maybe I need to put on the show just a little bit longer. You know, where I try to say the right things all the time. And behave as a lady should. And play by The Rules. (no I do not own a copy of that book, nor have I read it.).

But you know what I mean. Play hard to get, act mysterious. {Wow. I just realized I really stink at the whole mysterious part.}

What I'm trying to say is that life isn't like the movies, where the overly dramatic/irrational/emotional/imperfect girl gets the guy in the end, right?

Maybe I need to put up the walls again. Go back to being that girl, or appearing to be that girl. Get the fish to bite and then show him what he's in for.

But here's the other problem: I'm happy here, being me. All of me. I like this space. And I like my imperfect, messy heart. I like that my life is sometimes an open book. It's who I am.

{Even as I type, I'm debating between two choices: click the "publish" button, or save this as yet another of more than a dozen "drafts" that will probably never be exposed to the world.}

Maybe I don't even know what I'm saying. Maybe I'm just rambling, but I guess he'll find out sooner or later...

image via deviantart

Yes, this is one of those posts...

Sometimes I dream of falling in love when it's cold outside. I always have.

Winter is the time of year when it's more than okay to be fair-skinned and rosy-cheeked. Winter is the time of year for remembering what and who is important. I know that's cliche, but I don't care.

Maybe love is sweeter in the winter because our noses can be red together, and I'll have his hand for a glove.

We can kiss with hot chocolate on our breath and Christmas in the air.

I'll catch snowflakes on my eyelashes and he'll catch me in his arms when I slip on the ice.

We can live the lyrics of Christmas songs and movies like "While You Were Sleeping" and make some memories of our own.

We can make our own peace on Earth.

I say, if we can find each other through the stormy months of winter, our love can last through all the less-than-sunny days we are sure to have.


A pound (or 4) of flesh

UPDATE: The roast smells...divine! :) Hope it tastes as good :)

DISCLAIMER: Dinner group friends, you probably should wait until after dinner to read this. Also, anyone with easily-upset stomachs...well, read at your own risk.

So it's Tuesday and my turn to make dinner for dinner group. (psst! if you haven't checked out our dinner group blog, please do! ).

Anyway. I'm excited. Really excited, actually. Hopefully slaving away in the kitchen all day will pay off and the food will taste almost as good as my mom's or oma's.

My plan is to make a roast (in the crockpot) and potatoes and Sour Cream and Chive Potato bread.

Let's rewind for a minute: to Monday night. My wonderful roommate Kim, who is in possession of a silver Taurus, took me to the grocery store to buy the necessary ingredients.

I went straight to the meat section in search of the perfect roast.

Note: My first year of college, I lived in the dorms and ate in the cafeteria. My second year, I was a vegetarian. Thus, I don't really know how to buy/prepare meat (other than chicken from a can).

I'm walking down the aisle of red uncooked used-to-be cows and pigs, looking for a "rump roast" as per my mother's instructions.

{While talking to her on the phone the entire time}

I read the names on the labels: Pork Loin, Beef Chuck Chuck Roast (how much beef in a chuck chuck roast...if the beef chuck would chuck roast?), Tip roast, Top Sirloin, etc.

And then I see it: rump roast! But there are two choices: top and bottom. (isn't the rump roast, by definition, the bottom?) Apparently not.

A few things I discovered in the meat department at Smith's:
-the sanitation station is a glorious place.
-the pink/purple ink stains on the fat of the meat...that's where they stamp the dead cow. Yuck. (note: I'm NOT an animal rights activist, and I'm not against eating meat. But that did make my stomach turn, just a little.)
-meat is dang expensive. or at least it feels like it when you never buy it, and then buy a 4.399 pound roast.

I select a "super value pack," 4.399 pound bottom rump roast, grab a package of Beefy Onion Lipton Onion Soup Mix and some milk and go home.

Nevertheless, this morning I put it in the crockpot (correction: my roommate Natalie actually put it in the crockpot, because I was too grossed out...I poured the soup mix over it and put the lid on.) The point is, it's there. And it's going to be really good, I hope.

I'm off to go see if the bread is done rising....


a few reasons why I love life right now

-It's autumn, and several of the days this week have reminded me of Oregon. Utah autumn is much like Oregon winter.

-I'm getting really excited to apply to the Advertising program and show them why they need to accept me. I guess that sounds kind of prideful, but I think that's the attitude you have to have when the acceptance rate is like, 70%. We'll call it: confidence.

-I successfully designed some business cards for my mom using InDesign. (I know that's really easy to anyone who has ever used a computer, but I'm sort of technologically-challenged, and I'm working on it. Baby steps.)

-I love dancing the foxtrot. I am loving my Standard class. I really miss Latin, but this is good for me.

-I am choosing to view the fact that I am a "Jane of All Trades, Master of None" as an asset rather than a fault. And feeling blessed for the things I am good at.

-I am choosing to enjoy the extra free time I have (while job-hunting) and using it in somewhat productive ways...most of the time.

-Today was just a really good day. I think it was better because: a) I woke up feeling relatively rested, b) I read my scriptures in the morning, and c) I did something that scared me...and it turned out more than just fine.

-It is Friday. :)

Have a great weekend, blogging friends!

photo from Britt's and my trip to Jacksonville & Grant's Pass (Oregon), a couple summers ago


ten honest things

My dear friend Micaela tagged me to do this. Micaela is one of the most honest, genuine bloggers I've had the pleasure of getting to know. If you haven't stopped by her corner of the web, you're missing out!

ten honest things about me:

1. Sometimes I get scared easily--life, love, loneliness...most of all, I think I'm scared of losing my way and forgetting who I am. But every day I feel a little more confident in who I am and how I love this life I've been given.

2. I think with my heart. I make decisions based on how I feel about the situation. It's not always logical and often unexplainable. But I trust my heart and that gives me peace.

3. I compare myself to others and care what other people think way too much. I don't like admitting this because it makes me feel vulnerable, but it's true. It's not that I have low self-esteem, because I'm actually pretty happy with who I am. But sometimes I get caught up in wanting to be exciting and fun and attractive and unique, when really I just need to be me. Because that is enough.

4. I'm really bad with goodbyes. I tend to just avoid them. Just leaving without a word is easier for me than reminding myself of what I'm leaving behind.

5. Sometimes I worry that showing too much of the real me is a turn-off to any potential love-to-be. At least, showing too much, too soon. Being that open is liberating but terribly frightening at the same time because it gives someone else the ability to make judgments about my heart.

6. I love sad movies. And I love a good cry. It is such a natural release. "The Way We Were" is one of my all-time favorites.

7. I love my brown eyes. I used to not like them at all, and was envious of girls with beautiful blue or green eyes. I even considered buying colored contacts. But I realized that they are the same as my mom's eyes, and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

8. These things make me feel loved: heartfelt hugs, sincere smiles, and the overall ease of being with people who know you well.

9. I have come to realize that sometimes I am braver than I give myself credit. I'm willing to do scary things, even if I'm terrified. These experiences have taught me not only that I can handle whatever the scary thing was, but also that I can take a chance.

10. Music will always be my first love. Oh, I will love someone more than music, that is certain; but I doubt I will ever find something I love so well.

I tag...whoever wants to do this! (Jayne, Pepper, and Niki, I know you love these things, and I'd love to hear your 10 honest things!)

image via weheartit

{Love-to-be, if you happen to be reading this: This might scare you; this much of me, all at once. It's a good chunk of my heart. But be gentle with it, and understand that I'm a work in progress. Honestly, aren't we all?}


Lost Generation

My mom sent me a link to this:

I believe in the power of words, and the conviction of those who speak or pen them.

Farmers Market

Katie (aka Katya) and I went to the Farmers Market Saturday and discovered all kinds of goodies. We sampled honey made 20 minutes up the road, two kinds of homemade barbecue sauce, and vegan cookies, all of which were excellent, but a little out of my college-student budget.

I went home with:

a glass of fresh squeezed mint limeade (it was delicious, by the way)
a steaming pork tamal, (my favorite Mexican dish)
a loaf of Asiago cheese bread
and a dozen or so red potatoes (I plan on using this recipe for dinner group next time I cook)

I love farmers markets and I love paying with cash. I'm sad that I didn't get to enjoy this one more, and that it's only open until the end of the month.

image via deviantart

ps: I've actually been to this farmers market, Pike Place in Seattle, WA!


Yesterday was my birthday.
The big two-one.
{Okay so maybe this birthday isn't quite as monumental, considering I'm LDS and don't drink}

But still. We had a pretty rockin' Black and White "Mocktail" Party complete with:

-21 original non-alcoholic concoctions (Upside Slammer with a Twist? NCMO on the Beach? AuPear? and, of course, the "Laura."*)
-a fierce game of Nerts.
-Oreo Truffles. (and homemade Oreos, courtesy of Katya)
-an impromptu dating panel, instigated by Mario, which ended up with both sexes complaining about how confusing the other is.
-michael, frank, and ella, singing me some jazz in the background.
-and plenty of incredible people dressed to the nines in black and white garb.

It's official: I have the greatest friends.

image via vi.sualize.us

*gilmore girls, anyone?


Happy thoughts.

I love...
  • when tests go well
  • dinner group and the wonderful men of Ave 123
  • my old ward
  • my roommates
  • my amazing friends
  • cruising university ave
  • feeling accomplished and productive
  • the slowly forming calluses on the tips of my fingers
  • holly brook's music
  • cute waiters
  • red starbursts
  • when Britt comes to visit
  • Mary's Song by Taylor Swift...and the fact that I can play it on the guitar
  • fun plans for the weekend
  • mocktail parties :)
  • birthdays
  • packages
  • dancing the foxtrot in my new standard pumps
  • the smell of autumn air

Happy Friday!

image via deviantart