11.05.2005

Sick

No, I'm not actually sick. I don't have a cold or the flu or a stomachache. But I'm sick of stress and school and guys that confuse the heck out of me and make me swoon all at the same time. I'm sick of how messy my room is and how I haven't written in my journal in forever. I'm sick of my priorities being warped. Like now, I should be doing homework or reading my history book, but I'm not. I'll do it later...maybe. I'm sick of feeling like life is passing me by and I'm missing it. I try and not rush things but it's hard. I'm sick of feeling like I'm not good at anything...I hate how I compare myself to other people. I know that there's always going to be someone prettier, skinnier, a better dancer, a better singer etc. That's just life. I try not to care what people think, and to just be happy being me, but it's hard. And the boy thing, it seems like I'm always confused by them. I wish for once in my life I could get my heart and my mind to agree with each other.

On a happier note...I love my friends. You guys are awesome.
Shout outs to:
>Sarah, Em, Laura and Jenny. Thursday night was a blast:D We'll definitely do that again:D
>The mormons:D Today was fun:D Katelyn you crack me up. :D Becca and Kara, I love you girls:D

Well that's all for now..leave comments:D I love comments. ~Laura

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

well.. even though the comment before mine summed about everything up, i thought i'd still comment :)

first: dont stress school.. its not worth it.

second: thursday was awesome!

third: you're skinny, beautiful, an awesome dancer, ect!!

fourth: i love you! be happy!!!

Laura Loo said...

thanks laura:D you always make me feel better:D I think your one of the only people taht actually reads this thing..lol. -LC

Anonymous said...

aw... how could you delete that very knowledgable comment in front of mine?! heheh jk... movie night soon?

Laura Loo said...

Hey..yeah movie night very soon. PotO! woohoo:D

Diana Martínez said...

Not to sound harsh but, I'd like to speak my mind:

"But I'm sick of stress and school and guys that confuse the heck out of me and make me swoon all at the same time."

Guys? (Pardon my language) Fuck them. Seriously, just because the guy that you "like" doesn't "like" you back doesn't mean you should beat yourself up over them. If you are meant to find the "love of your life" or at least someone to kiss and cuddle and watch movies with, he will come to you. Let me say that again, he will come to you. Laura, I know that you are probably aware that this is said about you many times but, you are boycrazy. Stop it! That is, unless you think you absolutely need them to live and be happy. Do you really think you are going to find a "guy" to drool over in this town? If you do, I just might have to tell you that you are wrong. No offense but, your talking about guys all the time is pathetic. You know there are tons of guys out there that think "you are hot" and that would like to go and have a very physical relationship with you that will only end up ripping you up later on. If you want that, go ahead and knock yourself out. I'm sorry to say that's all you are going to find if you keep making your wanting a guy so public. You know what, maybe the guy that you are looking for to hang out with right now and forget in the next 5 years is right in front of your pretty little nose and you don't see him. You should open your eyes a little more to the realistic world and stop setting them on blonde heads and blue eyes.

"I'm sick of feeling like life is passing me by and I'm missing it. I try and not rush things but it's hard. I'm sick of feeling like I'm not good at anything..."

Life is passing you by and you are missing it? I think you have watched way too many chick flicks. Life is not passing you by, you just need to understand what "life" means to you. Is it guys? friends? movies? church? clothes? dance? Do you think there is a slight chance that there is more to life than just that? Stop getting all depressed over things that don't really matter. Think about the fact that in less than two years you are gonna be out of here. So, while you wait for that sudden change of environment why don't you try to enjoy these times with books, people, music, art. Grab a pen and draw. Write all you want down. Dare to step a little out of your bubble and go talk to people that you haven't talked to before. Find out what they do for entertainment and try it out. Try something new!

You are not good at anything? Is this coming from someone who has been dancing for I don't even know how many years? Is this coming from someone who keeps up above-average grades at school? Is this coming from someone who happens to have friends and family around her? Someone who might be exemplary to those who don't have a strong faith in a "God"? Because, if it is, you better shut your mouth. You know that you are good at things. You know that you are better than other people in many ways. You know that deep down you think highly of yourself. You also know that right now, just like many others, you are craving for attention. You want people to come to you because you are sick of coming to people. You want someone to come up to your face and tell you all the wonderful things you possess. Why don't you listen every once in a while to what others say then? People have complimented you before so stop acting like they haven't. Stop trying to be modest and fill yourself with the honesty of others.

"I hate how I compare myself to other people. I know that there's always going to be someone prettier, skinnier, a better dancer, a better singer etc. That's just life. I try not to care what people think, and to just be happy being me, but it's hard."

Beauty. Weight. Talents. Hmm... don't you have all these? Doesn't your long brown hair speak to you once in a while? What about those eyes of yours? Oh and the "dancer body"? It doesn't count anymore? Ah, yes the recitals and choir concerts and many things that you have participated in... I guess those are worthless, huh? Laura, can you tell me how many times people have told you you are good looking? How many girls have glared at you out of envy? How many times has someone said "good job" when you sing or dance? The fact that there are people out there who might be better than you-yeah, that's called nature. That's how things go down. Do you ever stop and think that there are a lot of little high school and middle school girls that admire YOU? Do you ever take under consideration that there are girls that think you are prettier, skinnier, a better singer, and a better dancer than they are? Have you realized in your 17 years of life that this society is a simple cycle and that you, my dear, just so happen to be a part of it? I hope so.

"I wish for once in my life I could get my heart and my mind to agree with each other."

When and if that ever happens there will be no point to your life. That is one of the many things that we are here for. That is one of the many things that make this life interesting and worth living. Have you ever pictured a world that agrees? It would be perfect. Who likes perfection? We were made with flaws. Perfection is unreachable. If we and all the components in our lives were "perfect" you would not be alive for very long. You wouldn't be happy. You would be perfect. Which means you would have a perfect balance of all human emotion and that would suck.

Anyway, Laura, I wanted to tell you all these things because, maybe, you need to hear them. If you don't ever want to speak to me again, don't. If you want to come and beat my ass, go ahead. If you want to just shoot me, I guess that would be a little much. I know that all this might anger you and I know that I wouldn't be surprised if it did. Specially this being posted on the internet and all. But really, think about some of it. I'm sorry that I just had to go and open my big fat mouth but if I didn't I would feel bad. If I didn't, everytime I saw you I'd feel like doing it. To be honest, these are some things that I have been wanting to tell you in a while. You are beautiful and I admire many things about you. I also count myself in when I say I am jealous of your beauty and talents. You are great and don't settle for some mediocre sorry-ass dude that will not appreciate any of that. If you do, I might have to go and post some damn long comment on your blog with a few swear words in it.

Peace.

Anonymous said...

well then. hum, i still think youre beautiful, and agree that guys are confusing like none other. but yeah...

"You know that deep down you think highly of yourself. You also know that right now, just like many others, you are craving for attention. You want people to come to you because you are sick of coming to people."

umm.... i dont see you that way at all laura, youve always been encouraging and never acted better than the rest of us.. and ive known you for like 12 years now...

i guess what im trying to say is, if you ever are feeling down, just tell me, and i'll try my hardest to lift you up again. everyone craves attention at some point,(even though i dont think thats what you were after). i'll be glad to give you some praise at any time, bc you deserve it.

Diana Martínez said...

Well Laura that's one way to pick at a comment. With your emphasizing the only paragraph that could've sounded harsh and ignoring the many lines where I recognize Laura is beautiful in many ways.

Also, making it seem like I only think of Laura as an attention whore or something of the sort. Which, I would like to point out, is not it at all. I might not know Laura for as long as you have but, then again, people do change from one year to the next, don't they?

Maybe I was just trying to be a little realistic and speak my mind rather than just letting others drown in their sorrows. Sometimes it's not just enough to listen and agree. Sometimes a little bit of truth, or what others might consider honesty, has to be let out.

Oh, and thanks for your sarcastic wit.

P.S. I know that after this comment you are going to get absolutely furious at me and perhaps never talk to me again. That just seems to be your style. Someone says something that you might not like and no matter how insignificant it is you get very... angry (and then you say you are not.) I'd just like to let you know that that just so happens to be absolutely fine with me.

Laura Loo said...

Diana: Wow...that was probably the most confusing comment I've ever read (not to mention the longest)...I think maybe you read into what I said a little too much...I wasn't in a deep depression over some stupid guy when I wrote that. I wasn't about to go anorexic or suicidal or anything..I was just writing whats' on my mind. You made it sound like because I'm blessed I'm not allowed to feel sad or mad. I wasn't saying that my life sucks or anything like that. Despite what you said..I don't spend THAT much time obsessing over guys. I'll admit that I worry too much about if a guy likes me or not, and that's something I should work on. I'm not looking for a high school relationship, that's the last thing I need. I didn't mean to make it sound like I'm desperately in need of a boyfriend. Heck no. Anyway...I'm not gonna beat you up or anything..You always speak whats on your mind, that's just you. And a lot of what you said is true...although you can't convince me that I'm craving attention and that I can't take a compliment. I didn't say I was a bad dancer or singer or anything, I just said I can't get out of the mindset of comparing myself. On another thought, (I honestly don't mean this to sound harsh)Maybe you should take some of your own advice, it seems like every time I've told you you are beautiful or skinny or an amazing writer,...you dismiss it immediately. Take it to heart. it's good for you.

Whoever wrote the last comment: you didn't sign your name, but I think it was LL. Anyway..thanks:) And same back to you...if you ever need help or anything, you know where to find me.

Anonymous said...

sorry yes, it was LL i forgot to say so.. again..

lol diana, i dont care what you said, im not furious. i know why you'd think that.. it was my sytle, and thats something i'm working to correct.

but you wouldnt care? huh. shows a good friend i guess. love you too ;)

Laura Loo said...

Hey Diana...yeah I just reread my comment and it sounds kind of like I'm screaming at you...definitely didn't mean it that way...anyway..I dont really know how to take your comment, cuz it sounded to me like you were screaming at me things you "liked" about me..hmm

Jen said...

Get well soon, Laura! Life is too short to be sick for very long. Set a timer and give yourself 10 minutes to whine and gripe and complain and then get on with your life!

I love you,

Mom
xoxoxo

Diana Martínez said...

Reading too deep into things is what I do best. Thanks for reminding me. Anyway, Laura, I didn't mean to tell you that you are desperate for a boyfriend or that you are depressed and I can see you going off an cutting your wrists open. You are probably the last girl that would ever do that from what I know.

Well from what I wrote I guess a bit of a hyperbole can be expressed. However, had I not gone and written down worst case scenarios my point would have come across even less clearly than it did. By all that I mean to say that you not accepting a compliment, thinking you are the worst thing ever created, or craving attention is not entirely true. I do think though, that (and this applies to everyone) we all feel like that at one point or another. We all fufill all three concepts to an extent, right?

Anyway, I know you were simply writing what was on your mind and it just gave you something to blog about. I didn't mean to make it a big deal and go scream at you. I just felt that it was an opportunity for me to tell you all of what I did in that first comment.

Now, about the part of me taking a bit of my own advice. Laura, well- I think we just haven't talked in a while. You probably have some idea of how fast my life changes and so does my personality so if I ever rejected any of those compliments it was either a sheepish attempt to be modest or it had some deeper meaning behind it. I know that your thoughts are none of my business and I always butt in to things I shouldn't. I think it simply keeps me from dissecting myself too much.

Laura Leonard,

"but you wouldnt care? huh. shows a good friend i guess. love you too ;)"

And there she goes again with the sarcasm. Man, Laura, you surprise me every time. I guess all I have to say is... did you ever even consider me a "good" friend? I think not. Did I ever consider you my best bud? To be brutally honest, no. To be even more honest I happen to only consider one person a "good" friend right now and seeing as how I haven't talked to you in over a month, it wouldn't be you. Just being honest.

Anyway, I appreciate your random greetings and scattered conversations.

You ladies have a good week and sorry to interrupt a silly blog. Trust me, I felt stupid from the first comment on.

Laura Loo said...

Well Diana thanks for your input...and I agree that we all feel like crap sometimes, but if we didn't...life would be boring. hmm..now I'm beginning to sound like you..lol..anyway...I'm not depressed or anything...boys aren't really that high on my list. definitely not a priority. I'm gonna try not to worry about things and let it be. -LC

Diana Martínez said...

Sorry I invaded your blog.

Oh, and please remind me not to ever open my mouth specially on the internet. Things always seem uglier than intended on the internet.

Anonymous said...

poto for the long weekend sometime? i think yes. lemme know.