Roots

Is it possible to fall in love with someone's family, before you fall in love with them?

To want to be swallowed up in the chaos of a life you didn't grow up with.

To understand the inside jokes and references to family stories.

To share a last name, but not a bloodline.

And to be trusted enough to live up to that name. To know what it's like to be a "______."

I feel like I know just a bit how Lucy feels in "While You Were Sleeping," when she says "I fell in love with all of you," talking about the whole family.

It's not that I'm planning on changing my last name anytime soon.

But when I do, I want to love his family almost as much as I will love him.

And I hope that they feel the same way about me.

image via this

footsteps

I dream of living in a place where all I need is within walking distance.

I love getting to know a city on foot.

It's not the same story when you drive everywhere.

Today I walked down to 5th and Center, where the lovely Provo Farmers Market makes its home every Saturday.

I walked around the whole market and smelled the tamale and empanada booths, bought a loaf of Asiago Cheese Bread (and pulled off a hunk to eat, so delicious), got some raspberry lemonade and sat on the grass to enjoy the first day it really felt like summer.

It was so therapeutic. There is just something about a bunch of creative, hard-working people from your community, coming together to share what they love with you.

Everything taste sweeter when you know the hand that made it.

So I challenge you to walk a few steps further, take a left turn where you usually go right, and really see the world from a human's-eye-view.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." -Lao Tzu

image via deviantart

new

I have a secret.

I don't mean to tease.

But rather, to celebrate.

To celebrate the absolute and complete freedom that comes from that little button under "settings" that says "private."

There is something therapeutic and so freeing in publishing my thoughts, with the knowledge that no one else is going to read it.

It began yesterday, with the passing thought that drafts are usually intended to be published. And I have quite a few that were never intended to be seen by anyone but me.

I had this idea of trying to write every day.

Something, anything every single day.

It's an exercise in strengthening my creative muscles.

but also.

an experiment in being real. and honest. and true to my heart.

and I think this is the "realest" I've ever been.

Hopefully, great things will come from this goal.

And I will be sure to transfer any "great things" over to this, the public side of my soul.

So stick around, because I'm not going away.

I'm just...taking a breath, and spreading my fingers a bit.

I am what I am

I am: a dreamer a good listener a better cook than I ever thought I would be an optimist an intuitive decision-maker faithful a yellow a bit of a treehugger right brained a chronic procrastinator a giver worth it

I want to be: a good mother someone who lifts others up a strength to those around me a woman of culture a polyglot a seasoned traveler a lifelong scholar well-versed street smart always thinking and creating in love forever

photo via deviantart

fresh

summer is about discovery.

and swimsuits and sunscreen.

and late night conversations.

and baseball games and ice cream cones.

and butterflies.

and trying new things.

like letting my heart do the thinking.

and opening up the windows and letting some new light* in.

oh yes. summer is about butterflies.

image via vi.sualize.us

*or love..?

maybe when things turn green again, it will be good to say you know me.*

a few things that have put a smile on my face as of late:

solid, low-drama friends
meeting new people
visitors
the crazy, sporadic, unexpected, beautiful world of advertising and the BYU adlab
pomegranate, acai, and blueberry sorbet
chili burritos and "bang!" at La Casa...yum yum fun


...and the glorious fact that it's finally warm enough to let my hair air dry.

*Oh, Mr. Mayer, how do you spell it out so well?

Don't lay a finger on my Butterfinger!

I love Butterfingers.

You might love Butterfingers.

And, of course, Bart Simpson and Seth Green love Butterfingers.

This might happen if someone took your crispety, crunchety, peanut-buttery treat.

Tell your friends.

Tell your roommates.

Tell everyone you know.

Because it might not be the League that Butterfinger wants right now, but it's the one they need.

one look

that's all it took.

she looked.

and he looked.

and then she looked away.

it was like he read her soul, page by ink-filled page, despite the sloppy handwriting and the cross outs, until he didn't have to read any more.

he just understood.

he understood why she plays with that ring on her middle finger.

he understood why she sometimes speaks too loudly or too softly when she's in a crowd.

he understood why she always carries a notebook with her, and feverishly puts her inspiration down on paper.

he understood why she dreams about typewriters and monogrammed stationary, not fancy cars or big houses.

and he liked that.

image via vi.sualize.us

a note about what to say

Miss Meg Fee recently posted about what she called, "blogging and morality," basically discussing what one should and should not write about in that space where the whole world can read it.

I've often wondered the same thing,

Because there is only one author to this blog.
So it's bound to be a little subjective.

But that might mean that that author is portrayed in a not-so-flattering light, for fear of portraying herself in too flattering a light.

If that makes any sense.

Or maybe it just means that I write what I think and what I think is kind of jumbled sometimes and doesn't always follow a direct train of thought.

I guess what I'm trying to say or ask is: do I say too much?

And this is probably one of those questions where no one will respond. And that's alright.

But I'm curious.

So speak up, if you dare.

{In other news, I'm moved into my new apartment and I have my own room again. Which is sort of an odd feeling. I don't mind sharing a room. But I think it will be nice to have my own space,too. I'm just not used to it. Maybe that's why it's almost 3 am and I'm the last one up.}

This is why I love:

{my major}

2nd floor of the good ol' HBLL on the east side (hallway before you get to the religion/family history section), there is a little showcase of byu advertising's finest.

it's called the Half Show.
and it will blow you away.

so if you want to celebrate finals being over and see some incredibly talented undergrads in your midst,

go.
peruse.
veg.
let your brain relax.

and if you haven't seen this yet, you need to.

oh, and this, too. byu didn't do it, but it still gets me every time.




next year...

a prayer for the day

I love this.

Britt already posted about this song and this artist.

But it's too good to pass up.

I love the title line that says "we don't eat until your father's at the table."

Oh, amen to that.

That's how I want to do things in my family.

That's the kind of love I believe in.

*His voice reminds me a little bit of this guy, whom I also love. My favorite kind of rainy day music.

Any day like today

Love-to-be:

I don't know what your favorite food is.

So I think I'll learn how to make everything*, just in case it's something I've never tried.

In fact, I hope it is something I've never tried.

I hope you convince me to try lots of things that I've never tried before. And not just when it comes to food.

We can create our own little adventures, even if it's helping me to get over my fear of heights. Or getting me to eat more leafy greens.

We can share some firsts together. Like going to Africa. Or learning how to build a house. And a life.

And we can be each other's last first kiss.

*I just might not let you try my mother's or grandmother's cooking until we've been married for a little while, because they've had many more years of practice.

{i actually made this cake.

it was pretty delish.

natalie took this picture.

she's pretty awesome.}

they are coming to utah...

May 11th.

Club Sound.

STEPHEN KELLOGG AND THE SIXERS.

Who wants to come with me?

let's get out there and add some beauty to the world

"Love makes us instinctively reach out to God and other people."

-Jeffrey R. Holland

I loved spending the whole weekend listening to some wonderful words and feeling inspired to do good.

Life is good. And peace can be found, even when it seems like it has forgotten about us.

Happy belated Easter to you all!

photo via deviantart

three oh clock

thoughts and wisdom I have gained thus far this week:

six hours of sleep over the course of two days isn't enough.
it is possible, but not preferable, to write three papers in two days.
seriously considering skipping all my classes and sleeping in the war memorial room all day.


hope you aren't procrastinating everything in your life!

Thirsty

This is why I love advertising.

I know the people who created this brilliant idea.

They are masters. And I look up to them.

It's called the Tap Duel.

You challenge your friends to see who is more willing to pay up.

And you help thirsty children along the way.

And you can beat your friends, and even throw down a little good-hearted charitable trash talk if you want.

The best part is the children always win. {Even if you lose.}* Because it's about them anyway, right?

To find out more about the UNICEF Tap Project, go here.

*But you're not really a loser because you're still donating.

Call it what you want

To this kid-

When I realize who you are, I will have tamed this.

(You could be #5 on this list. (which could even start at #13).)

But before I realize that, I'm sure we will be this.

I hope that this is as important to you as it is to me.

And that you are proud of this.

And that you have these and these, just like I do.

And that, every so often, you get a jolt of these and these.

You don't have to love this as much as I do, but you can't hate it either.

You should probably know that I love this. A lot. But not more than you.

And even if we don't have much of this, we will still have this.

Because I like this better, anyway.

We will go on lots of these. And make lots of these.

We will build one of these and one of these together. And have a little this.

But, most of all, we will never fall out of this. And when things go wrong, remember that I'm still this. But that you will always be one of these in my life.

Until this finally clicks,

I'm just one of these, trying to find my way to you.

let's talk about this thing called chemistry...

Dear "class that shall not be named" TA boy,

I think you are adorable, and have probably never been more attracted to anyone so...science-y.

But you seem fun.

So.

Let's be friends.*

Just "Like**" for now,

an advertising major who is all for that "opposites attract" thing.

ps: and if you're wondering, I'll be the one with the red binder, second table from the back, too nervous to start up a conversation.

*Maybe you should learn my name first.***

**sort of...

***It's Laura, by the way.

The quirky kind of romance that is just real

The Quiet World

-Jeffrey McDaniel*

In an effort to get people to look

into each other's eyes more,

and also to appease the mutes,

the government has decided

to allot each person exactly one hundred

and sixty-seven words, per day.

When the phone rings, I put it to my ear

without saying hello. In the restaurant

I point at chicken noodle soup.

I am adjusting well to the new way

Late at night, I call my long distance lover,

proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.

I saved the rest for you.

When she doesn't respond,

I know she's used up all her words,

so I slowly whisper I love you

thirty-two and a third times.

After that, we just sit on the line

and listen to each other breathe.

Love to be:

I'd save my words for you.

Those three words that I hope won't sound cliche,

Me

image via this

*(poet recommendation from the fabulous Meg Fee). I love Jeffrey McDaniel's book, The Forgiveness Parade. His words are just so honest and real. They speak to me. Meg has posted several of his poems and he's never failed me. In case you're curious, and like poetry, this is how I feel about high school. and also life, sometimes.

peace

Sometimes I have to remind myself that my best is enough. That I'm enough.

And that as long as I keep trying to make my best better, everything will work out.

I'm trying and I'm growing. And I feel at peace with that.

"peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."

-unknown (seen on one of my favorite cards)

image via deviantart