2.25.2011

the kitchen

the darkest chocolate couldn't compete with the brown in her eyes as she wheeled that horn of plenty to the kitchen door.

the kitchen,
where tomatoes marry milk, butter and basil
to make a pot of soup
to share at the dinner table
across from the man with salt and pepper hair.

they talk about the city, the state, the world
theories are touted, and definitions are discovered

an encyclopedia is the entree
that complements the creamy tomato soup.

their conversation continues long after
the soup spoons are cold
and the bread is no more than crumbs
and water droplets have dripped down the sides of the water goblets.

and as she stacks the two bowls in one hand and walks over to rinse them in the sink,
he remembers how she wanted a house with a big kitchen
and why he was okay with that.


for my mom, my dad, and our kitchen.

2.21.2011

eat it up


I love to cook.

At 16, when my mother was anxiously trying to pass on some of her food wisdom, I never would have expected the above statement to be true.

To be honest, I was intimidated by the measuring cups, the saucepans and the kitchen stove.

The idea that with a prayer and a great recipe (or no recipe at all!) one could whip up something delicious was completely foreign to me.

When I moved into my first apartment (after living in the dorms and eating cafeteria food all year..,remind me, how is the first year of college any different from high school?), I lived off of grilled cheese sandwiches, condensed tomato soup, and cheese quesadillas.

(I know, Mom, you taught me better than that.)

It wasn't until a couple of years ago that I had an epiphany I could almost taste:

I can do this; cooking really isn't that hard.

I learned that the worst that can happen is that you have a great story to tell about the time when you burned the toast three times in a row, or when you forgot to grease the cake pan.

And the best than can happen is that you make a batch of brownies that sort of become legend in some circles, or you sit down to a Sunday dinner that actually resembles your grandmother's cooking.

But more than just cooking, I really learned how to eat.

I learned to like* salad.
I learned that almost any vegetable tastes delicious if it's sauteed in olive oil and salt and pepper.
I learned that the best chocolate cake doesn't come from a box, but from my grandmother's recipe book.

This is all just to say that I'm feeling pretty confident with the knowledge that my future children will not starve, and even better, won't survive solely PB &J and macaroni and cheese.

*read: tolerate
**A couple of weeks ago, I discovered Orangette....oh to make delicious food and write about it all day.

2.16.2011

I officially have too many blogs

And apparently not enough to write about.

I apologize if you expected this to be inspiring or beautifully written or poetic.
Today is just a typical day, full of the ordinary.

But I'm completely okay with that.

Life is still busy.
And complicated.
And sometimes stressful.
And exhausting.

But it's still really good.

Anyway, I started another blog.
To tell you all about my adventures this summer in El Salvador.
So check it out, if you're curious what I'll be doing.


2.07.2011

El salvador


Hey, remember this little poll?

Turns out the answer is none of the above.

Looks like I'll be working on #1 and #15 from this list this spring for 6 weeks.

I'm excited to get my hands dirty, to push my mental and physical limits, to experience true culture shock, and to learn more from the people I'm working with than I could possibly ever teach them.

It's going to be a real adventure,

and I can't wait.

2.04.2011

grin and bear it


I realized something about myself the other day.
Something different.
Not a huge change.
But, for me, a significant one.

I smile bigger than I used to.
Not more,
bigger.

Wider smiles at people I know.
Smiling with my eyes and not just my lips.
Even a few of those big, cheesy grins at complete strangers (the kind I used to balk at and think of as so fake)

And I don't think it's because of anything in particular.
It's because I'm just...happy.
And I've been happy for a while, but
I think it's more that my outlook on life is generally a positive one.

Because there are still times when I'm annoyed or frustrated or upset (sometimes warranted, sometimes not).
But I've learned, I guess, to not let those moments define me.

Life is a gift.
And even when life is awful, there are still some not so awful parts of it (however hard to find they may be).

So if you think this sounds like an overly-optimistic rant that should have been put at the end of a low budget chick flick/church film, you're probably right.

But, oh well, maybe life is sometimes like the movies.

image via

1.23.2011

family



{I've recently fallen in love with the man behind this music.
How does John Legend hit it every time?}

My family is everything to me.
They are my anchor.
And maybe we aren't perfect, because we're just people.
But they are perfect for me.

I love that the way we celebrate is by sitting down to a beautiful table to enjoy heaping plates of delicious homemade goodness.
I love that we always bicker about which direction to pass the food around the table, and what the difference is between yams and sweet potatoes.

I love that when Dad says "What we have here...is failure to communicate," we all catch the reference.
I love that Mom and I always rewind and replay our favorite parts of First Wives Club, You've Got Mail and Return to Me. And that I grew up watching Barbra Streisand movies.
I love that Christine and I can swap recipes and that we cooked a Thanksgiving feast for the two of us and Blake, because we couldn't cut out any of our favorite dishes.
I love that Kevin has the same teachers that Christine and I had growing up, and that they still remember us.
I love the late night chats Dad and I would have when I got home from working at Anthony's and needed to relax.
I love having Oma and Opa ten minutes away and sharing Sunday dinners with them.

I love that being a Coalwell means you say "police officer" instead of "cop," you probably speak some amount of another language, you don't jump on trampolines, and you love to learn.

I'm so glad we'll all be together forever.
Because it's going to be unbelievable.

1.21.2011

I'll always be into print

Loving this campaign and the purpose behind it.
Beauty is always better when it's back with good intentions.

photo via adsoftheworld


1.20.2011

take it slow



I have had a lot of really wonderful, completely ordinary everyday moments. And those moments have made my life an adventure.

1.15.2011

empowered


One of my unofficial goals for this new year is to start doing yoga.

Today as we were all laying on our mats at the end of class with the lights out, just breathing and trying not to think too much, this phrase cut through the clutter of my mind:

I'm stronger than my weaknesses

We all are.
I don't think I'm much of a runner when it comes to life's issues.
I tend to have the "it's like swallowing a pill" mentality to facing challenges and doing hard things; take a breath and it will be over soon.

But sometimes it's hard to turn off my brain and just let life happen.
Instead of trying to protect myself from every situation.
Because I only have so much control over what will happen.

So I think that will be my new manifesto (or one of them).
Because I have no reason to fear.
This life is beautiful; it's a gift.
And our souls are stronger than our weakest moments.

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

-Ether 12: 27
image via deviantart

12.27.2010

a new year


2010 was a good year, just like 2009. (goodness, I can't believe another year has already passed)

I...
-made the ballroom dance team(yay!)
-got into the advertising program (double yay!)
-moved into a lovely little house with the same lovely ladies I've been living with for a while now
-grew up just a little bit more, fancy that.
-didn't move home for the summer. and that meant growing up and paying bills and being really busy, but loving it at the same time.
-wrote a lot more poetry than I ever have before.
-learned a little more about love and life and loving my life.


This year is going to be a good one. I just know it.
I've been thinking a little bit about resolutions and goals and what I want to commit to this year.
But I haven't made any decisions yet.
So I'll let you know when I have.

image via deviantart

12.24.2010

Celebrate


"And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins."

2 Nephi 25:26

Merry Christmas!
We have so many reasons to rejoice.

image via this

12.22.2010

home is...

chocolate chip cookies
a fridge full of food I didn't make myself
graham crackers with peanut butter and chocolate chips
reruns of old tv shows like Andy Griffith
a brother who wants to be writer
seeing people I know everywhere
umpqua dairy chocolate milk
driving my big red truck
late night chats with dad
a double bed
not worrying about school
borrowing my mom's heels
no snow, and sunshine in december
people wanting to see me
high school friends
talking about health and nutrition with my mom
making resolutions to be better
being asked if I have a boyfriend yet
...and then being assured that I've still got time



I'm so happy to be home.
To relax and not worry about papers or tests.

I hope you're all having a wonderful holiday, wherever you are!


12.19.2010

a story from the past--part two


(a continuation of this story)
The change was so gradual, but the recognition of that change was surprisingly sudden.

It took a few backward glances at what was, compared to what is.
To see the distance between the two.
It took being a stranger to her past self to see that she was not that person anymore.

She didn't realize it until later.
Much later.

But a bit of confidence and a little faith can go a long way.
And life is so much better when you live it on purpose.
Instead of waiting for it to happen to you.

And there are still days when she wears sweat pants and no makeup and listens to sad songs just for the sake of listening to sad songs.

But on those days when she just wants to feel sad because she isn't feeling anything else, the rut isn't deep enough to take eight months to climb out of.

It's the kind of rut that is just part of life.
The kind that reminds her what happiness isn't.
So that she can remember what it is.

And that's okay.
Because that's just life.
image via vi.sualize.us

12.18.2010

simplify


It's halfway through the school year and I'm just finally unpacking half the boxes I moved in with.

Figures.
But at least I'm doing it, right?

It feels so great to get rid of all the stuff I don't need.
To take a big box of clothes that don't fit/don't look good/I'm bored with/aren't my style to DI and say goodbye to them.

I always sleep better in a room that isn't full of junk.

I found my old pointe shoes and leotards while I was cleaning out our storage room and I was reminded of the many opportunities I've been blessed with over the years.*

I put the leotards and ballet skirt in the giveaway pile, for some future ballerina to find.
But I kept the pointe shoes.
Because they taught me that hard work means blisters and tired feet and sore muscles.
And doing the same routine over and over and over.

But it also means getting to show off, just a little bit, when the work really pays off.


*And that really made me want to take a jazz or ballet class. It's funny how I came to college all excited to leave jazz behind and move on to ballroom. And don't get me wrong, I really do love ballroom. But sometimes I miss the grand jetes and the pirouettes and the tour jetes that my arms and feet grew up with.

image via deviantart

12.17.2010

a story from the past


She had been in a foul mood since June
But she was blind to her own bad attitude.

Well, mostly blind.
She knew it was there.
It was like that conversation you never want to bring up.
Because you know it's not going to end well.

So she just let it stay there.
It kept her company.
But she didn't realize how much it defined her for that time in her life.

She didn't believe how many "he's" might have wanted to be with her.
Because she was so focused on one particular "he" that wanted everything but her.

And even sometimes, she still wonders what those other "he's" saw in her.

Because she felt so broken so much of the time.

What did they see behind that face of strength she kept up until she closed the door to her tiny little room and crawled into bed?
What made them get her out of bed to go do something to feel like she was alive?

But the big question is: why is she different now? what changed?

image via deviantart

cannonball--take two

Remember that one time when I was going to be brave?
And just go for it
head first
without worrying about how deep the water was?

I think I'm failing
and I'm too tired to try and catch myself.

Let alone anyone else.

12.14.2010

At Her Fingertips--a series of three poems

Eight

She stood with two feet barely
Balancing on the knobby, uneven roots
Of the maple skyscraper in her backyard

Her eyes drew a line
From trunk to tip
Where green fades into blue

So many branches,
And she’d never been very good
At making decisions

He offered his hand to help her
Up to the thick, stable branch just above her fingertips

“I can do it myself,” she countered.

But he said, “Yes you can,
But you don’t need to.”
................................................
Twenty-Eight

She walked down the street
Not watching where she was walking
But who she was walking past.

Their faces told of birthdays and breakups,
Lost and found love,
A soundtrack to the pattern of their steps.

She looked at their eyes,
Curious if anyone wanted to know her story
But no one looked back

Then with a brush of his hand on hers
As he walked by

He whispered her name
And stopped.
................................................
Seventy-Eight

He laced his fingers through hers
As they took a walk
Down the hall with the white tile floors
And that smell that was too clean for the sickness it held.

She imagined they were barefoot on a beach
In Morocco
Forty-five years ago
After wearing an ivory dress and a gardenia in her hair

He tipped the driver of the rusty green cab
That had been their getaway car
And had carried her to the door
Of the quiet cabin that would be their castle


But that night,
When he lifted her onto a bed of clean white sheets
And crawled in beside her

They just slept
And that was enough.


{I wrote these for my creative writing class. I'm deciding that I really like poetry. Writing and reading it.}

12.11.2010

praise His name forever

"Rejoice evermore.
Pray without ceasing.
In every thing give thanks:
for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18


I love this message.
We have so many reasons to rejoice.

Today I am rejoicing because of mornings that don't begin at 6:30am, catching up with old friends, and time to eat dinner at the dinner table.

Why are you rejoicing?


12.10.2010

thought of you


I saw this yesterday.

It was like coming home.


*Thanks to Ryan Woodward for making this masterpiece. It is absolutely stunning. I can't say enough good things about it, so i'll just leave it at that.

12.04.2010

the way to my heart


Love-to-be:

Let's bring it all to the table.
Your strengths.
My weaknesses.
Your faults.
My gifts.

And let's make music from all the discord in our lives.

image via weheartit