little snippets

Scrolling through my drafts folder and remembering how much I used to rely on this blog for a creative and emotional outlet. It's been a while since I've posted regularly, but it's interesting to read the thoughts of a 22-23-24-year old me.

Here's a little peek:

April 2013:

"More often than not, I spread my passion over many different things. I really like a lot of things and truly love few. But every so often, I am all in. When it really counts, I put all my eggs in one basket...I am a take me now, never give me back and let's make this work forever kind of girl."

May 2012:
"I want Sinatra in the kitchen
Baskets of leafy greens on the counter
A basil plant in the window"

January 2012:
"Ryan Innes' voice is incredible. He's like this big, unassuming teddy bear who knocks every girl's socks off when he opens his mouth and starts to sing."

November 2011:
"All she wanted to do was lean over and whisper all the things she couldn't say while he was awake."

October 2011:
"On days like these, at some point, it's absolutely necessary to disregard all responsibility, heat a pot of tomato soup and curl up with a good book or a black and white movie."


And to the Laura of October 2011, I hear ya. Amen, sister.

Book Report: The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

I read this book a couple of years ago, reread it recently, and enjoyed it as much as the first time. Gretchen Rubin is very relatable and her whole project is inspiring. One of my favorite parts of the book is when she writes her own "Commandments" and "Secrets of Adulthood."

A couple of hers that have stuck with me:

• Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good
• You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you like to do

And I wrote a few of my own:

• It's more important to be kind than to be funny (you almost always regret the cheap laugh)
• Bring snacks & always have gum
• You get your best work done before 1pm
• If you need to get something done, turn off gchat and turn on something with a beat
• Most of the time, you're doing alright
• Be at least 15 minutes early to any interview/important meeting
• A night in at home can totally count as "plans" if it needs to
• Just say hello
• Breathe 

My favorite quote from this reading was this: "Enthusiasm is a form of social courage."

YES. It takes courage to be excited about something, without reservation or worry of appearing uncool. But the world is better, and I know I'm happier, when I'm enthusiastic about life.

P.S. I emailed Gretchen Rubin about one of her blog posts a few weeks ago and she sent me a very sweet reply last week. Classy lady.

P.P.S. Unrelated, but is anyone else watching The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt? I know it's got some PG-13 humor, but I can't.stop.watching.

Salt of the Earth

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"In the future, if you were to be one of the Time 100: Most Influential People in the World, what would you be known for?"

Someone posed this question to me the other day. After thinking about it for a minute, I muttered off something about writing the next Great American Novel. Maybe I'd be the Harper Lee of the Millennial generation, I thought.

But the thing is, I probably won't make it on that list. And I'm okay with that.

Over the past few years, I have realized more and more that my life doesn't have to be magazine-cover worthy in order to be worth living. That's not to say I don't hope to influence many people for good, or leave the world a better place because I lived in it. But if I am just one of the hundreds of millions of good, influential people who never make front page headlines, I don't think I will be disappointed with my life.

In December, I saw a local production of Thornton Wilder's Our Town. Since I first read it, it has been one of my favorite stories. I love how the narrator introduces us to each character as he or she is going about their daily seemingly insignificant business.

I don't really think it's insignificant, though. I think the foundation of life is made up of those daily tasks. There is bread to be made and babies to be fed and math lessons to be taught and vegetables to be grown.

I am enamored with small American towns and I'm drawn to stories like Our Town and To Kill a Mockingbird* and places like Grover's Corners and Maycomb because I think that's where we see humanity at its purest. I admire the people on Time's list and their accomplishments deserve recognition and praise, but I don't relate to them in the same way I relate to the salt-of-the-Earth kind of humans I grew up with or who I read about in books.

But who knows, maybe I really will write the next Great American Novel. Or maybe, try to live it.


*I could write a whole blog post just about my love for To Kill a Mockingbird. Oh wait, I already did.

Update on the 25 before 25

Since I turned 26 last October, maybe it's time to prove I actually checked off some of the below.

25 before I turn 25:

1. Spend some time in foreign country (El Salvador, more about that here if you're interested)
2. Learn to cook (Check)
3. Learn how to use graphic design programs (ehhh...not so much)
4. Read 25 new books (Check, proof here)
5. Let myself fall in love (Hmm...that's still up for debate, but I have learned an awful lot about love)
6. Go to New York City (Check)
7. Define my political opinions a little more; be more knowledgeable (Definitely)
8. Record a CD with Brittany in a recording studio (A dream that has yet to be fulfilled)
9. Learn to play guitar (Nah)
10. Write an up-tempo song (Check, Songwriting 101)
11. Learn to not be afraid of driving (Fears conquered. And also avoided since I live in New York)
12. Use my writing skills for good (Check)
13. Kiss someone at midnight on New Year's Eve (Not yet)
14. Donate something (time/money) each year to worthy causes (excluding tithing/fast offerings) (Check)
15. Become fluent in Spanish (We'll say...conversant)
16. Create something I am really proud of: a song, a painting, a dance, an idea, a wedding dress (A portfolio and a life in New York)
17. Learn to like vegetables (Shocking to some, but yes)
18. Start a collection of records (Keeping my CDs around for when they become the new retro trend)
19. Take a cross-country road trip (Still waiting for this opportunity!)
20. Go to a really good concert or two (Yes and yes and yes)
21. Get paid to use my talents (no matter how little) (Big girl job in NYC)
22. Spend some time with my family in the Deep South (2013 Charleston trip with L & K)
23. Share my talents. For once, really show off (Yup)
24. Take full advantage of the dance opportunities available to me (Ballroom days at BYU...)
25. Read each of these at least once, all the way through (Carrying this over to 30 before 30)

Hello

Since I moved to New York and started my first "big girl" job, I sort of lost interest in this blog and became distracted with other things. I spend the majority of my work day staring at a computer screen, so the idea of coming home and opening my laptop hasn't been so appealing.

But I miss having an outlet to write creatively. To use symbolism, to get romantic, to ramble on and on and on a little bit.

So, I'm back. And hello again to those of you who might still be reading.

Stay tuned.

I'm still here

I don't know why I've felt so uninspired to write on this blog lately, since I live in one of the most inspiring and interesting cities.

Anyway, this post is nothing more to say that I'm still here and sometime I'll get around to writing something meaningful and possibly more poetic.

For now, a list of current favorite things will have to suffice:

1. The Killers album "Battle Born." In its entirety. Either in the album order or on shuffle. It's an experience.
2. The New York Public Library. I don't think I've ever read for pleasure as regularly in my life as I do now. Browsing the shelves of the branch near my office is one of my favorite lunchtime pastimes.
3. My new apartment and roommates. I have my own room and bought big girl bedroom furniture. One of life's greatest joys right now is the knowledge that I can sleep smack in the middle of my full size bed and take up as much space as I want.
4. Sunshine in New York City and watching Bryant Park literally come back to life from its winter hibernation.
5. Making new friends, seeing people when they come to visit, and getting excited for old friends to move back to this city.
6. Green smoothies in the morning and frozen yogurt at night. It's all about balance.
7. Good girl talk sessions.
8. Brunch. This has got to be one of my absolute favorite parts of NYC culture.

It's warming up in this city and that means summer skirts and farmers markets and sun-dried hair and beach/lawn reading. Oh, this life I'm living in this city that is most of the time very normal and not like a Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks movie does have its moments of magic, I'll admit.

The Impossible

A couple of friends and I went to see this on Friday night and it was an all-encompassing emotional powerhouse. I can't even think of the right words to describe it. Not only is the story incredibly moving, but the film was put together so well. I can't imagine how many production designers, makeup artists, and other crew members it took. 

Naomi Watts and Ewan McGregor were absolutely fantastic. And the kids, oh my, the young actors who played the three boys did such a good job. 

I don't think I've ever been so emotionally affected by a film before. From about 10 minutes into the film, I lost it. It was heartbreaking to see such intense human suffering so close, but the experience was well worth all the tears. 

Go see it. It's an amazing, real story. 

Oh, city life

I used to try and write beautiful things on this blog.

And lately, I just haven't really felt the urge or inspiration, but somehow that has made me feel like I can't write the everyday ordinary details of my life.

Which is a shame, because the ordinary, everyday details are beautiful in their everyday, ordinary way.

The strangers I smile at on the subway.
The music I hear all around me through the street and subway musicians, the roar of the trains and the the steps of fellow New Yorkers. The hustle and bustle has a soundtrack that is all New York's own.

Sometimes, my out-of-town friends tell me my life here looks like a movie. My life isn't a movie, but there are definitely moments where it feels like one.

For example: You know how in timeless New York movies like You've Got Mail,* the background music in grocery stores and sandwich shops is always something by Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin?

Well, that really happens. And it's one of my favorite things about this city.

And other days a full-on a capella ensemble a la Pitch Perfect remixes it up on the subway all the way home. Aca-unbelievable.

That's all for now.


*Which, might I add, Nora Ephron said was her "love letter to the Upper West Side." How can you not love that?

PS: On a completely unrelated note, and I realize I'm pretty late to this party, but this has been on repeat:

 


I'm a sucker for an Oregon boy in flannel.

Once upon a time...

I used to write on this blog.

Somehow, after moving to New York City, the summer got busy and the fall and winter got busier and neither of those is a very good excuse, really, for never writing on this little blog, but somehow I haven't felt inspired to do so until now.

So welcome back, any of you who still follow.

Since it would be impossible to catch you up on everything that has happened in the past 8 months, here are some of the highlights:

I have made New York City my current home. After my internship this summer, I stuck around for a few weeks as a freelancer and then accepted my first, real world job offer. Woohoo!

I graduated from college! (This was made official after I finished my internship, although I participated in the April commencement ceremonies).

I survived Hurricane Sandy (and was very blessed to have been very unaffected personally) and volunteered with the cleanup efforts afterward. It was heartbreaking to see so many homes destroyed, but everything people say about the resilience and strength of New Yorkers is true. The people of this city are truly remarkable.

I've taken weekend or day trips to Washington D.C., Boston, and Philadelphia. I'm still amazed at how much history and character this coast has to explore.

I went to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade! Lifelong dream: check

I planned and paid for my first real, PTO-using vacation. And yes, we went to Disney World. My best NYC homegirl Kirstin and I flew down to Orlando to visit my friend Alex for a weekend in January. We spent 3 days channeling our elementary school selves, riding rides, eating ice cream, soaking up Florida sunshine, and snapping pictures with Mickey Mouse. We even fit in a much-needed day trip to the beach. What a blast.

I have eaten my way through this fabulous city exploring new restaurants, museums, and interesting music venues, played for days in Central Park, found favorite bookstores and farmers markets, mastered the subway system, made some really great friends and discovered that this small-town girl can kick it with the big leagues.

Here's to the rest of this year, and many more to come!

father's day

I am the proud daughter of a pretty great dad. In my small-ish town, when people who knew my father would ask if I was "Bruce Coalwell's daughter," I would always smile and reply "Yes, I am."

When I was little, he would take my sister and I to the park on Sunday afternoons for daddy-daughter dates. After choir concerts we'd go get peppermint candy ice cream and celebrate. And when I was in middle school, I'm pretty sure he got up earlier than he would have liked to so he could drive me to school and I wouldn't have to take the bus.

Over the years, as I've grown up a little bit, he has become one of my closest friends, too. Major decisions and concerns are always accompanied by good conversations with my dad. He reassures me that I'm still young enough to take risks and that if I fail, he'll be there to catch me.

And that my dreams are just as important to him as they are to me.

Through all my adventures and mishaps, successes and moments of doubt, he is a constant I can always rely on.

I hope the future father of my children, whoever he may be, has the kind of commitment, integrity and patience that my dad has.

Thanks, dad for all you do. I love you!

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Subways, sweet potatoes and an apartment that is way too nice

Since Wednesday, I have:

Spent a night at the International House of Columbia University

Hauled all my bags/luggage up and down subway stairs and finally moved into a new apartment

Walked all around Central Park, 5th Avenue, and Spanish Harlem

Eaten delicious southern cuisine at Amy Ruth's restaurant

Went grocery shopping and bought some pricey organic produce

Walked the High Line and explored Chelsea Market

Found my way home on the subway all by myself.

It's already been an adventure, and I love it! Sometime I'll try to post pictures (but that would involve me actually remembering to bring my camera with me, first).

Our apartment is so nice. I feel like we're being spoiled by this summer because if I end up moving here for good, there is no way I'll be able to afford a place like this.

I love seeing so many different people and walks of life, and exploring this huge island. There really is no place like New York, New York.

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leaving

When I graduated from high school, I was a little sad, but mostly just excited to experience the adventure of college life. Moving away from home, meeting so many new people with whom I have so much in common, no curfew, living by my own rules.

And it has been a wonderful five years. It's still a little weird for me to think of how much this town has become home to me, but it really has. I've made so many memories in this place and have been surrounded by some of the greatest people in the world.

{To all of you who been there for me in any and every way during the past five years, I couldn't have done it without you. I love you all so much.}

It's finally sinking in that I'm really leaving. But this time the adventure ahead of me is significantly more unsure. After my internship finishes and my housing contract ends in New York, I have no idea where I'll be. And while that is really exciting, it's also a little scary.

I worry that my friends and I won't stay in touch. I worry that in August I still won't know what my next move should be. Or that I'll get caught up in the industry and forget what I really want out of life and how I want to get there. I wonder about missed opportunities and all of the people I'm leaving behind.

But regardless of my fears, I do feel oddly calm (for the most part) about packing my life into a couple of suitcases, hopping on a plane across the country, and moving into a new apartment with some wonderful girls.

So here's to this next phase of life. I think it's gonna be pretty great.

The Almosts

She pulled out her glasses, took a good long look in the soul looking back at her in the mirror and wondered what she was doing wrong.

After all, she was the common denominator.

Three times she'd found a guy to dream about and dream with, and three times, he had almost wanted to dream with her, too.

She'd tried to be patient and understanding and flexible. She'd learned to hope and to have faith and to trust. And though she was better for every heartache and had kept her chin up and put on a good face, still, the human in her couldn't help but take at least part of the blame.

Those nagging questions of what more she might have done, what she could have done differently, still swimming laps in her mind.

She was almost enough to get him over his fear, his past relationship, his apathy.


But, for what it's worth, these almosts have meant more than the past five years' of flirting and first dates.

Coast to Coast

It's becoming increasingly apparent to me how much of a west coaster I really am. Just the other day I had the following conversation with my mother, with zero exaggeration.

Me: So I was thinking about the kinds of clothes I want to buy/bring with me for my internship this summer. And it hit me that...I can't wear shorts to work. 


Mom: Yeah, probably not.


Me: But it's summer...that's what you wear in the summer. (Granted, advertising is a pretty laid back industry, but probably not that laid back.) 


Mom: Well you'll just have to get some skirts.


Me: Yeah, it literally just hit me that there are professional businessmen and women who wear full black suits with jackets every day, even in the summer...


Mom: (laughs) Yeah, you definitely have the west coast casual vibe.

This is not to say that my mother didn't set a fabulous example of how to dress, that I didn't watch my father go to work every day in a tie, or that I didn't grow up attending church every week in my Sunday best, but let's just say that I'll be bringing my one pair of beige slacks, some summery skirts and a determination to scour the city for some thrifted "advertising cool" attire.

In other news, I'm really hoping to join a CSA for the summer and fill my little apartment in the city with fresh produce every week, and to indulge my way through each and every paycheck.

Solar Therapy

On Monday, I slipped my hips into a favorite skirt, my feet into some sandals and grabbed my sunglasses and purse and walked up to campus.

After finishing up a few things at work, I munched on an apple as I sat on a wooden bench in the sunshine and let my mind unwind.

I went to the library and roamed the stacks, checking out an assortment of books for summer reading, and soaking in the beauty of no schedule.

After cat napping on my couch by the window for the better part of an hour, I decided to walk to the grocery store to purchase meat and cheese from the deli and fresh nine-grain bread from Shirley's bakery.

So I made a grilled cheese sandwich with swiss cheese and brown sugar ham on bread brushed with olive oil, basil and dijon mustard.

I watched Moneyball, in the summer heat of our living room and remembered that even after all these years, I still root for the underdog.

It was a day of sweet solitude, time to think and just be still. And in the absence of summer love, it was just enough.

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The Graduated Life

Apparently it takes major life events for me to feel inspired to write, but I've officially transitioned from saying "I'm studying Advertising..." to "I studied Advertising at BYU."

BYU was so good to me. I came to Provo as a freshman with a bit of an attitude not expecting to graduate from here. I thought I'd end up finishing school in Oregon or California, but I'm so glad I stayed.  It's been a fantastic experience, and it's hard to imagine college without the wonderful people with whom I've spent the past five years.

There are so many people who helped me get where I am today, and I would not be the same person without them.

Major shout outs to the boys next door, Hilamonster and the El Sal crew, the whole Adlab gang & creative trackies, the ballroom dancers, and the best roommates a girl could ask for (yes, all you now married ones).

To all my friends, faculty, family members, and church leaders, you are the best. Thank you for the time and effort you put into helping me fulfill my dreams and for believing in me even when I have doubted myself.

Here's to the chapter of life that includes real work not homework, exploring a new city, and true independence: scary and exciting as that may be.

Announcement!

Have you heard where I'll be spending my summer?

Well, the city that never sleeps is getting another night owl.  I'll be interning with an advertising agency from June to August, and I can't wait.

So all of you city folk should send your recommendations my way.  And if you'll be in town, let's play!

over the past month...

I have attempted to make Persian food while playing "name that 90s song," attended TEDxBYU, had some fascinating conversations, ate delicious homemade crepes, and picnicked in the sunny weather with a certain boy I like.

I'm graduating in less than a month and my life is one big mystery after that, which I'm choosing to be excited about rather than terrified.

This is fun.

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finally

It had been about a month.

She'd accepted the truth and had moved on without regret or hard feelings. Of all the times she'd mustered up some maturity, this was one of her best moments.

She wasn't bitter. Not in the least.

She wasn't angry.

She had been a little sad, but that's all. And that was over.

There was someone new. And maybe he was more than that someone else, but he wanted more of her. And that was the best part.

But she turned down the wrong hallway, earlier than usual before class and happened to pass that someone else.

Instinctively, she bowed her head and wondered if he'd notice her or say hi.

And he did. With a grin and a big wave, he said hello and a name. Her name.

Like nothing had happened.

Because technically, nothing had.

And she responded with a quick "Hey, how's it going?" that came out more cautious than casual.

Pit in the stomach. Heart beating faster. Shaky hands.

But, you know, it broke the ice. She'd been hoping to bump into him, to show him she was fine. After weeks of convincing him she's the girl that can stay friends, she finally had a chance to show him she really is.

And maybe that's what she really needed. To finally really completely let go.

And that feels so so good.

truth is who You are

"And it's not enough to just say, "I believe"

'Cause truth is that talk is cheap

So grace give me eyes to see

You came to take us back to the start

You came to touch the hardness of our hearts

You gave us truth that truth is who You are

It's who You are"

-Tenth Avenue North

I love this way of talking about the Atonement and Jesus Christ's mission. He didn't just teach truth, He is truth. And taking full advantage of His grace is doing our best to be like Him.

I made a Pandora station of this band a while back, to mix up my Sunday playlists, and I've gotta say, it's Monday and I'm still listening.

Listen to the whole song here.