a prayer for the day

I love this.

Britt already posted about this song and this artist.

But it's too good to pass up.

I love the title line that says "we don't eat until your father's at the table."

Oh, amen to that.

That's how I want to do things in my family.

That's the kind of love I believe in.

*His voice reminds me a little bit of this guy, whom I also love. My favorite kind of rainy day music.

Any day like today

Love-to-be:

I don't know what your favorite food is.

So I think I'll learn how to make everything*, just in case it's something I've never tried.

In fact, I hope it is something I've never tried.

I hope you convince me to try lots of things that I've never tried before. And not just when it comes to food.

We can create our own little adventures, even if it's helping me to get over my fear of heights. Or getting me to eat more leafy greens.

We can share some firsts together. Like going to Africa. Or learning how to build a house. And a life.

And we can be each other's last first kiss.

*I just might not let you try my mother's or grandmother's cooking until we've been married for a little while, because they've had many more years of practice.

{i actually made this cake.

it was pretty delish.

natalie took this picture.

she's pretty awesome.}

they are coming to utah...

May 11th.

Club Sound.

STEPHEN KELLOGG AND THE SIXERS.

Who wants to come with me?

let's get out there and add some beauty to the world

"Love makes us instinctively reach out to God and other people."

-Jeffrey R. Holland

I loved spending the whole weekend listening to some wonderful words and feeling inspired to do good.

Life is good. And peace can be found, even when it seems like it has forgotten about us.

Happy belated Easter to you all!

photo via deviantart

three oh clock

thoughts and wisdom I have gained thus far this week:

six hours of sleep over the course of two days isn't enough.
it is possible, but not preferable, to write three papers in two days.
seriously considering skipping all my classes and sleeping in the war memorial room all day.


hope you aren't procrastinating everything in your life!

Thirsty

This is why I love advertising.

I know the people who created this brilliant idea.

They are masters. And I look up to them.

It's called the Tap Duel.

You challenge your friends to see who is more willing to pay up.

And you help thirsty children along the way.

And you can beat your friends, and even throw down a little good-hearted charitable trash talk if you want.

The best part is the children always win. {Even if you lose.}* Because it's about them anyway, right?

To find out more about the UNICEF Tap Project, go here.

*But you're not really a loser because you're still donating.

Call it what you want

To this kid-

When I realize who you are, I will have tamed this.

(You could be #5 on this list. (which could even start at #13).)

But before I realize that, I'm sure we will be this.

I hope that this is as important to you as it is to me.

And that you are proud of this.

And that you have these and these, just like I do.

And that, every so often, you get a jolt of these and these.

You don't have to love this as much as I do, but you can't hate it either.

You should probably know that I love this. A lot. But not more than you.

And even if we don't have much of this, we will still have this.

Because I like this better, anyway.

We will go on lots of these. And make lots of these.

We will build one of these and one of these together. And have a little this.

But, most of all, we will never fall out of this. And when things go wrong, remember that I'm still this. But that you will always be one of these in my life.

Until this finally clicks,

I'm just one of these, trying to find my way to you.

let's talk about this thing called chemistry...

Dear "class that shall not be named" TA boy,

I think you are adorable, and have probably never been more attracted to anyone so...science-y.

But you seem fun.

So.

Let's be friends.*

Just "Like**" for now,

an advertising major who is all for that "opposites attract" thing.

ps: and if you're wondering, I'll be the one with the red binder, second table from the back, too nervous to start up a conversation.

*Maybe you should learn my name first.***

**sort of...

***It's Laura, by the way.

The quirky kind of romance that is just real

The Quiet World

-Jeffrey McDaniel*

In an effort to get people to look

into each other's eyes more,

and also to appease the mutes,

the government has decided

to allot each person exactly one hundred

and sixty-seven words, per day.

When the phone rings, I put it to my ear

without saying hello. In the restaurant

I point at chicken noodle soup.

I am adjusting well to the new way

Late at night, I call my long distance lover,

proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.

I saved the rest for you.

When she doesn't respond,

I know she's used up all her words,

so I slowly whisper I love you

thirty-two and a third times.

After that, we just sit on the line

and listen to each other breathe.

Love to be:

I'd save my words for you.

Those three words that I hope won't sound cliche,

Me

image via this

*(poet recommendation from the fabulous Meg Fee). I love Jeffrey McDaniel's book, The Forgiveness Parade. His words are just so honest and real. They speak to me. Meg has posted several of his poems and he's never failed me. In case you're curious, and like poetry, this is how I feel about high school. and also life, sometimes.

peace

Sometimes I have to remind myself that my best is enough. That I'm enough.

And that as long as I keep trying to make my best better, everything will work out.

I'm trying and I'm growing. And I feel at peace with that.

"peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."

-unknown (seen on one of my favorite cards)

image via deviantart

People.

Loving this post.

(by the way, she's a gifted photographer. and person. and my roommate.)

I'm surrounded by some incredible people.

Thanks to you all.

Life would stink without you.

image via sabino

I'm puttin my dreams on the line and praying that they won't get stuck

This is a little late.

But this is my Advertising Application Video.

Many thanks to Natalie who was willing to be me for a few shots, Josh for shooting the whole thing in 3 hours on a Saturday, Bob and Janssen for helping with the editing, and thanks to the Advertising Program for liking it.

I heart you all. Seriously.

ps: It worked :)

MAJOR Love

Remember this post?

And this one?

Well.

I got in.

If you haven't seen this commercial, do watch it. It's fabulous.

And this one, too.

*sigh of relief*

"Let me show you what I'm made of:

...good intentions are not enough." Loving this song.

Love-to-be:

Remember this letter?

It occurred to me the other day, that when we meet, I might be the one that needs to be patient and not get upset if you're upset about another girl.

A girl from your past who is still on your mind and in your heart. A girl that I will probably need to forgive, in my own heart, for how she hurt you. A girl that probably didn't really do anything wrong besides not be the right one for you.

So. If that is the case, I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere. I've been a friend a few more times than I've been a girlfriend. I've got strong shoulders and a big heart.

Big enough for both of our issues. And big enough for that kind of love where it's not about me, but about you. And what you need.

I just hope that what you need is me.

image

the weather/me

I feel like I might be getting sick.
Generally, my pattern is that I feel pretty sick for a day or maybe two.
And then I feel better.
So, I guess we'll see how tomorrow goes.

For tonight:
-tomato soup will replace brownies as my "fourthmeal."
-a humanities paper will be submitted by midnight , about something that has yet to be decided.
-hopefully I will get to bed around midnight, or before. that would be a nice change.

Hope you're all healthy and well!*

*(as opposed to wealthy and......which is what I almost typed)

image

Craving California

Today, while sitting in Spanish class, I could almost feel the warmth of the sun, even in the basement of the Humanities building.

Utah looked like summer for a little while.

I love California. I always have. I consider myself 1/4 California girl, because my mom grew up there.

California, to me, means laying in the sun all day long and reading a good book.

California means having that salty smell on your skin and beach waves in your hair.
California means getting rid of your blow-dryer.

California sunshine is so beautiful, you can't help but feel fabulous.

I dream of living in a tiny little apartment right near the beach, waiting tables at some hole-in-the-sand restaurant to pay the bills, and spending all my free time playing on the beach. Just for a little while, I think that would be heaven.

And that means I'd have to learn how to surf.

But I'm okay with that.

pic from our trip to california last year.*

*this picture reminds me of Saved by the Bell or Step by Step or something or even Babysitter's Club, in a random way.

Let's pretend like it's the summer.

The past six days have been pretty heavy.

Two midterms.

One weekend living in the Adlab.

3 days of falling asleep in my classes (what's new?).

This week has been good to me, though. The crappy days are a reminder of what I'm capable of, and I needed that.

"Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less*, breathe more; talk less, say more; love more and all good things will be yours."

-Swedish Proverb

image via sabino

*I'm working on this one.

Human-i-tease

Today and last night I realized I would probablylove my Humanities class if I actually took the time to do the readings. (Or do them earlier than 12 o'clock at night).

So I'm recommitting to this on-again, off-again relationship I have with my studies.

Dear Humanities,
I know that you are just a GE class. And that you don't directly relate to my major (although I do plan on advertising to humans, not animals).

But I am going to love you. We'll be good friends, spending lots of time together. (Thank you, 2660-page Norton Anthology of Western Literature)

And I promise to not save all the readings until the day before the late day of the test.

Love,
A girl that really wants to care about old Greek and Roman guys, orders of columns, and well, humanity.

{This line, which I read last night, from the Satyricon, struck me:

"He's got a clock in the dining room and a trumpeter all dressed up to tell him how much longer he's got to live."*

I feel like this needs to be made into a contemporary rock song.}






*Though I love this line, Trimalchio, I think you are a buffoon.

a daydream in a cup*

*several people have already posted about this song. but I love it, nonetheless.

A few small battles I feel like I'm winning:

-cleaning up my room and doing some laundry

-conquering the physical science exam.

-reaching out and saying hi to people I know, even if they might not remember my name.

-feeling like I'm actually being productive when I'm in the Adlab.

-making new friends.

-accepting the truth. and moving on.

-bridling my jealous tendencies

-making an apple pie entirely from scratch.

It's been a pretty good week so far.

Tea-drinking, yoga-doing, bohemian chic

Yesterday, Katie, Kellie and I decided we wanted to be sophisticated and mature.

So, naturally, we bought two different kinds of herbal tea:

African Apple Red

and

some mix of chamomile and lemongrass*


Well.

They were both pretty gross.


I guess we'll stick with apple cider and hot cocoa. For now, at least.

image via deviantart

*(I actually kind of like chamomile tea, but only when I've got a head cold.)

e-e-everything is gonna be alright, rock-a-bye*

I'm so grateful.

Grateful for this wonderful gift God gave me. That even when things don't go how I want them to: I know it's going to be okay.

And I know that my definition of "okay" isn't the only definition, and isn't usually the best.

But everything will be alright.

Image via deviant art

*great song.

Musings of a sleep deprived daydream believer

I should be in bed. not blogging.

I felt like sleep was overrated this whole week.

Nevertheless, it's been a pretty good week. Busy, which is not always bad, but I still found time to have some fun here and there.

I realized I love having friends in my classes and (hopefully) soon-to-be major.

I feel like I'm getting my sea legs in the world of advertising. I don't feel like such a rookie anymore. ( I definitely still am, but confidence can go a long way).

I'm really happy and at peace with my life. I'm excited for what this semester/year/summer will bring, and hoping for new adventures. I have confidence that the Lord knows me and wants me to be happy.

I think this may be theme song of my love life right now. And I mean that in an absolutely positive way. I'm...content, but still hopeful.

Have a fabulous weekend, my dear friends!

This week...

is going to be crazy...

I need some extra hours.

I think tomorrow is going to be one of those days where I wish I was ill.

This is joy to me:

"Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world...always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God."

Ether 12:4

I do hope for a better world.

I believe in a better world, but I also believe in this world.

I believe in people.

People who infect the world with smiles and laughter. Who see the beauty through the bad news. Who love unconditionally and who never give up. Who are brave enough to believe in their dreams. Who have convictions and don't stray from them.

There is a lot more we could be doing. But that's the beauty of it: we can do something to make this world a little brighter and a little better.

And we are so blessed.

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."

-Marcel Proust

image via deviant art

New

2009 was a good year.

It was a year of trying new things.
A year of tempting fate and failure and being alright with the outcome.
It was a year of growth and getting to know myself a little bit better.
It was a year of really being myself...and loving it.

I...
-renewed my love for writing/blogging.
-trusted my intuition.
-found a major I love. (and hope will love me back.)
-made difficult decisions.
-explored the town I go to school in. and found out that it is not lame.
-made friends in my classes. really awesome friends.
-flew in the face of failure and inhibition and went after what I wanted.
-believed in myself.


A friend mentioned to my roommates and me that our apartment has a "different feel" this year. I believe it. I think we all did a lot of growing up last year. And I think it's a good thing.

image via sabino

Survey time, again!

I'm getting ready to turn in my advertising application and one of the questions relates to the chain of Costa Vida restaurants in Utah.

I created this survey, using Qualtrics, and would love for any or all of you to take it! It's only 8 questions, so it takes no time at all.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Costa Vida Qualtrics survey

I'll open up the moon for you.

{I received several CDs for Christmas, and this is one of them. I think it has been in my cart at Amazon for at least two years, but I just hadn't got around to buying it.}

I fell in love with this song...oh I don't know how long ago. But it's been in the back of my mind for a few months.

{Sara's lyrics are always so heartfelt and clever. I always wish I'd thought of them myself. (if you don't believe me, listen to this song.)}

One Sweet Love

Just about the time the shadows call
I undress my mind and dare you to follow
Paint a portrait of my mystery
Only close my eyes and you are here with me
A nameless face to think I see
To sit and watch the waves with me till they're gone
A heart I'd swear I'd recognize is made out of
My own devices....
Could I be wrong?

[CHORUS]
The time that I've taken
I pray is not wasted
Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?

Sleepless nights you creep inside of me
Paint your shadows on the breath that we share
You take more than just my sanity
You take my reason not to care.
No ordinary wings I'll need
The sky itself will carry me back to you
The things I dream that I can do I'll open up
The moon for you
Just come down soon

[CHORUS]
The time that I've taken
I pray is not wasted
Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?
Ready and waiting for a heart worth the breaking
But I'd settle for an honest mistake in the name of
One sweet love.

Savor the sorrow to soften the pain sip on
The southern rain
As I do, I don't look don't touch don't do anything
But hope that there is a you.

The earth that is the space between,
I'd banish it from under me...to get to you.
Your unexpected love provides my solitary's
Suicide...oh I wish I knew

[CHORUS]
The time that I've taken
I pray is not wasted
Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?
Ready and waiting for a heart worth the breaking
But I'd settle for an honest mistake in the name of
One sweet love.



I think what I love about this song is that it's not desperate, or needy, or even overtly impatient. It's not that she's unhappy with her single life; it's more...hopeful about the future.

And I get that, I really do. Because that's where I am right now: content with my life and truly happy, but not too content to lose hope for something more.

We contemplate our own mental versions of what we want. We make silent sacrifices and oaths to cheat time and bring that one sweet love to us a little sooner. We pray that our efforts are not in vain.

And we hope.
We hope that we haven't messed everything up.
We hope that we haven't missed our chance.
We hope that we haven't said too much, or not said enough.
We hope that there is a "you" to put at the end of our "I love..."

Ring Out the Bells on Christmas Day

I love both of these hymns, both taken from poems.

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

...

And in despair I bowed my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men."

Till, ringing singing, on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men!

Ring out, wild bells

by Lord Tennyson

...

Ring out the grief that saps the mind,

For those that here we see no more,

Ring out the feud of rich and poor,

Ring in redress to all mankind.

Ring out a slowly dying cause,

And ancient forms of party strife;

Ring in the nobler modes of life,

With sweeter manners, purer laws.

Ring out the want, the care, the sin,

The faithless coldness of the times;

Ring out, ring out my mournful rhymes,

But ring the fuller minstrel in.

Ring out false pride in place and blood,

The civic slander and the spite;

Ring in the love of truth and right,

Ring in the common love of good.

Ring out old shapes of foul disease,

Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;

Ring out the thousand wars of old,

Ring in the thousand years of peace.

Ring in the valiant man and free,

The larger heart, the kindlier hand;

Ring out the darkness of the land,

Ring in the Christ that is to be.

from this stage I can tell that she can't let go and she can't relax

January 15th*, here I come.

I'm getting ready.

I'm pooling my resources and drawing from what I've learned and letting my creativity incubate.

If I can't show you anything else,

let me tell you this:

I want it.

I really want it.

And I'm willing to fight for it.

*The deadline to turn in my Advertising application.

image via deviantart

You say "ee-ther" and I say "eye-ther"*

Love-to-be:

I hope you don't fall asleep when we listen to "A Christmas Carol," the old radio version. Because my family listens to it every year, and it's one of my favorite traditions.

I hope you like fudge and almond roca, because my mom makes the best.


I don't know if I'll ever be able to cook a turkey or a Christmas ham to perfection like my mother or grandmother, but for you, I'll sure try my best.

I hope that you want to bundle up and go cut down our own tree, and that we'll quarrel just a little bit over which one to get. But we'll settle it over candy canes and hot cocoa.

I hope that you have funky ornaments you made in grade school, just like I do. Because they have so much character.

I hope you like my family. And I hope I like yours just as well.

And even if your family does things differently when it comes to Christmas, I'm okay with that. We'll compromise. And make our own traditions.

I hope we don't get too caught up in the shopping and cooking and planning to remember that his holiday is about love, and giving of ourselves, rather than our pocketbooks.

Because those are always the best gifts.

"It is a fair, even-handed, noble adjustment of things, that while there is infection in disease and sorrow, there is nothing in the world so infectious as laughter and good-humor."

-A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens

image via deviantart

*I've always been a sucker for jazz. Especially this time of year.

"Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded."

Finals are so stressful.

But then it is WONDERFUL when studying pays off.

image via deviantart

Marilyn Monroe was a size 12 in 1952.

{I found this picture on Sabino. And I liked it. A lot.}

we can blame the media.
we can blame McDonalds.
we can blame technology and Photoshop and plastic surgery.

or we can find that inner love for ourselves.
and accept that beauty has no dictionary definition.
it is an open-ended question.
and we answer it by loving ourselves every day.

we can feed our souls when we feed our beautiful bodies three times a day.
we can say thanks for this amazing gift we've been given by treating it well:
moving it around, filling it with delicious food, getting some shut-eye at night.

because it really isn't about the numbers: 10, 35-29-40, 145....
it's about loving the body God gave you. and doing what you can so you can move it around, enjoy that delicious food, and get some shut-eye for 80, 90, maybe even 100 years.

image via google

A few thoughts of the day:

-about a month ago, I realized my ward (the people I go to church with) rocks.

-i still hate the snow.

-i may or may not be unprepared for finals...however I will do such preparing over the weekend.

-i realized I love mustard on my sandwiches.

-my black sweatshirt from D.I. is my new favorite article of clothing.

-gilmore girls never gets old. ever.

-and on tuesday i am going to attempt to make samosas. wish me luck :)

image via deviantart

A little bit of Christmas cheer.

The Sunday before I flew back to school after Thanksgiving, my family and I went to the annual Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony at our county courthouse.

We sang Christmas carols together. We prayed together. We lifted each others' spirits. Most of all. We came together as a community.

This is one reason I'm so glad I grew up in a small town. I think community is so important. Not saying you can't find that in a big city, but you probably have to look harder for it.

It wasn't commercial or worldly or costly. I really felt like it embodied the true spirit of Christmas: Love.

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His Only Begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him, should not perish, but have everlasting life." -John 3:16

Shuffle to the beat.

(I know, I know, this is two posts on a night when I didn't even have time for one.)

BUT.

I'm just so in love all over again with this song. It just came onto my iPod.

His voice. Those lyrics.

I had to share. {Actually, the entire Garden State soundtrack is fabulous.}

I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You by Colin Hay

I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say

I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

I'm no longer moved to drink strong whisky
'Cause I shook the hand of time and I knew
That if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

Your face it dances and it haunts me
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even after all these years

But I don't want you thinking
I don't get asked to dinner
'Cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
Even though I may soon feel the touch of love
I just don't think I'll ever get over you


If I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you.


Every time I listen to this song, I picture an old man sitting in his house, looking at a picture of his late wife. Still lonely. But content, and still so in love. Isn't that the way it should be? We don't want to be forgotten at death; we don't want to forget, either. Love should last forever.

It doesn't mean you can't move on with your life, it just means that that person is still a part of it.

image via google images

I'm dancing in the room as if I was in the woods with you*

I'm taking time out of my CRAZY busy day to post about dance. Don't worry, this is a happy post. :-).

Let me tell you a little story...

From 7:43am until 7:43pm Laura Coalwell constantly ran through lists in her head. Lists of class assignments, lists of dance figures, lists of things to do. She ran to class, to work, to dinner group, and then, at 7:43pm, she stepped into the ballroom in the Richards Building and....

ROCKED THE HOUSE.

Okay. Maybe I didn't rock the house. But the important part is: I danced with my heart. And loved.every.minute.of.it.

And when I dance like that, it always feels like I'm rockin' the house.

It turned out to be a pretty good day.**

Image: Marshall and I, faking our way through the Moulin Rouge Tango.

*"Dancing" By Elisa. Beautiful song. Love this.
**Also, I just feel so loved and blessed to have such incredible people in my life. People who truly care.

"This city just showed you that it's full of people ready to believe in good."

I was planning on posting about this movie, and the great quotes from it, but Katie beat me to it.

Go here. Read.

Savor the poetic symbolism of the Dark Knight.

**spoiler alert!**

My absolute favorite moment of the movie is when one of the convicts gets up and takes the detonator and says, "Give it to me. You can tell them I took it by force. Give it to me, and I'll do, what you shoulda did, ten minutes ago." And then he throws it out the window...

I think this movie is so powerful and has so many beautiful themes. It portrays evil so well without glorifying it; it portrays it as evil, and I think that is really important.


(not to mention the excellent musical score from it)

image

Because I believe in true love.

This seems like exactly my kind of movie. Is it lame if I get chills during the trailer...at about 1:58?

May 2010. Can't. Wait.

'Tis the Season...(well almost)

Yes. This is one of those totally typical Thanksgiving gratitude lists. But I don't care. I like them anyway.

Reasons to keep breathing every day:
1. My family is incredible and I get to see them [except Christine :( ] tomorrow!
2. Family. Friends. Work. School. Every aspect of my life is a gift from God.
3. Excellent roommates
4. I think I've found my niche. Let's just hope it {the Ad Program} accepts me.
5. This song. Still playing it on repeat.
6. The Doogie Howser M.D. theme song.
7. Undeniable optimism.
8. The AdLab won the Canned Food Drive Sculpture contest. :)
9. All of my classes were canceled today.
10. Finding out curry is not that hard to make.
11. Music. Always a good reason to breathe.
12. Finding a great job.
13. Dinner group.
14. New friends.
15. Professors/TAs who care.
16. Late night Smiths runs.
17. Seeing/talking to old friends.

18. Family stories.

19. Listening to my grandparents and parents reminisce.

20. Spending time with my little brother.

21. Being home. There is nothing like it.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

image

When your secret heart cannot speak so easily

Katie's post title reminded me of how much I love this song.



Love-to-be:
This one's for you.

Sometimes I just need to hear a song. Over and over. I need it because it feeds my soul and it builds me up and gives me that something I need to get through the day. It's a break from the monotone chaos of life. It's a fresh breath from the mundane. It is how I find my "invincible summer."

Today. This is that song.

“The world is not respectable; it is mortal, tormented, confused, deluded forever; but it is shot through with beauty, with love, with glints of courage and laughter; and in these, the spirit blooms timidly, and struggles to the light amid the thorns.”

-George Santayana

The Long Walk Home

I hate that because I'm a woman, there are things I ought not to do.
I hate that I shouldn't walk home alone because there is a chance I could encounter a dangerously forward male with ill intentions.
I've been conditioned to think that because I am a woman, I am weak and helpless to defend myself.

I hate that.

I hate feeling like this rare occurrence is not so rare.
Vulnerable is one of my least favorite flavors of fear.

I don't like calling someone to walk me home. If someone I know is around, sure, I'll walk with them. But I don't like making someone go out of their way to do something I have done by myself thousands of times (even though I know, most likely none of my friends would mind).

I'm stubborn, I know.

I just don't want to be scared of the world.

I am not naive enough to think bad things don't happen, or to think that it couldn't happen to me. I just don't like feeling like it will happen to me. Every.Night.

I guess this post has no real resolution. Except for the fact that I will continue to: rarely be on campus at night, walk with my head held high and buy some pepper spray.

I still don't like the sound of that. Because I've heard so many guys (and my Mom) tell me not to walk home alone after dark, I want to do it more. Just to show them I can do it. That I'm tough enough. It's a stupid reason, but it's my reason.

Take that, invisible male demons. Another successful walk home. I didn't even run.

image via deviantart

{And I hate that Southwest Airlines took away my pepper spray. So I forgot to put it in my checked luggage, it could have come in handy if the guy sitting next to me was planning on hi-jacking the plane. But they threw.it.away. Now, if that should ever happen, I'll have to settle for a ballpoint tracheotomy a la Red Eye. }

While sleeping I slipped on a reason*

I love live music.
I always forget how much of a rush it is until I'm there, feet aching, heart pounding, soul searching.
Emme Packer opened for Kate Voegele up at Kilby Court (totally sketch-o garage concert venue. I loved it.) It was an incredible concert.

I think it's pretty cool when you like the opening act as much as the headliner.

There is something about packing into a tight space, bumping into strangers, and feeding off their body heat, to share a common experience. It's utterly human; for 2 or 3 hours we felt a little more alive. A little more connected. A bit less alone in this thing called life.

Maybe a little more willing to believe in our dreams and in ourselves. Maybe a little inspired. Or a little hopeful.

I'm so inspired by the talents of others. Music gives me hope in people, because they really do have such good hearts.




*{Ghost on a Shelf} --wonderful song by Emme Packer. I highly recommend it. And anything else she does.

A passion that won't be bridled

I have two wonderful little blisters on the backs of my heels, right where my standard dance shoes rub.

These soon-to-be callouses are a reminder that today I worked hard. I danced hard. I let myself put my heart into it more than usual, and it felt so good.

I worked up a sweat, the satisfying kind of sweat. And it's been a while since I've done that.

Since the beginning of the semester, I've felt so guarded. I put up the walls and didn't let myself care too much or expect too much from myself.

Not today.

Sometimes I forget that dance is still one of my passions. I forget to enjoy it, and I get caught up in all the stress and competition and comparisons and politics involved.

It's because I start doing it for other people, rather than dancing for myself.

Today I remembered why I love to dance. It's something my heart and body craves. I remembered that I don't do it for awards or praise. I do it because I love it, because it pushes me to be better; because every time I learn something new, or master part of a step or routine, I feel triumphant.

And because it's like floating and lifting weights, at the same time.

image via deviantart

Vectors, guides, cloning, and spreadsheets*

I'm trying to become more technologically-savvy (and less technologically-loathing).

I'm trying my hand at graphic design, and, for once, not expecting to be great at it right away.

But I'm loving it, and let me just tell you, they call it the Creative Suite for a reason.

I'm getting my fingers wet, and it's glorious.

And it's fulfilling my number 3 on this list.

image...forthcoming...once I have something to show

*this last one just refers to me figuring out how to, once again, begin keeping track of my finances.