a new year

2010 was a good year, just like 2009. (goodness, I can't believe another year has already passed)

I...
-made the ballroom dance team(yay!)
-got into the advertising program (double yay!)
-moved into a lovely little house with the same lovely ladies I've been living with for a while now
-grew up just a little bit more, fancy that.
-didn't move home for the summer. and that meant growing up and paying bills and being really busy, but loving it at the same time.
-wrote a lot more poetry than I ever have before.
-learned a little more about love and life and loving my life.


This year is going to be a good one. I just know it.
I've been thinking a little bit about resolutions and goals and what I want to commit to this year.
But I haven't made any decisions yet.
So I'll let you know when I have.

image via deviantart

Celebrate

"And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins."

2 Nephi 25:26

Merry Christmas!
We have so many reasons to rejoice.

image via this

home is...

chocolate chip cookies
a fridge full of food I didn't make myself
graham crackers with peanut butter and chocolate chips
reruns of old tv shows like Andy Griffith
a brother who wants to be writer
seeing people I know everywhere
umpqua dairy chocolate milk
driving my big red truck
late night chats with dad
a double bed
not worrying about school
borrowing my mom's heels
no snow, and sunshine in december
people wanting to see me
high school friends
talking about health and nutrition with my mom
making resolutions to be better
being asked if I have a boyfriend yet
...and then being assured that I've still got time

I'm so happy to be home.
To relax and not worry about papers or tests.

I hope you're all having a wonderful holiday, wherever you are!

a story from the past--part two

(a continuation of this story)

The change was so gradual, but the recognition of that change was surprisingly sudden.

It took a few backward glances at what was, compared to what is.

To see the distance between the two.

It took being a stranger to her past self to see that she was not that person anymore.

She didn't realize it until later.

Much later.

But a bit of confidence and a little faith can go a long way.

And life is so much better when you live it on purpose.

Instead of waiting for it to happen to you.

And there are still days when she wears sweat pants and no makeup and listens to sad songs just for the sake of listening to sad songs.

But on those days when she just wants to feel sad because she isn't feeling anything else, the rut isn't deep enough to take eight months to climb out of.

It's the kind of rut that is just part of life.

The kind that reminds her what happiness isn't.

So that she can remember what it is.

And that's okay.

Because that's just life.

image via vi.sualize.us

simplify

It's halfway through the school year and I'm just finally unpacking half the boxes I moved in with.

Figures.

But at least I'm doing it, right?

It feels so great to get rid of all the stuff I don't need.

To take a big box of clothes that don't fit/don't look good/I'm bored with/aren't my style to DI and say goodbye to them.

I always sleep better in a room that isn't full of junk.

I found my old pointe shoes and leotards while I was cleaning out our storage room and I was reminded of the many opportunities I've been blessed with over the years.*

I put the leotards and ballet skirt in the giveaway pile, for some future ballerina to find.

But I kept the pointe shoes.

Because they taught me that hard work means blisters and tired feet and sore muscles.

And doing the same routine over and over and over.

But it also means getting to show off, just a little bit, when the work really pays off.

*And that really made me want to take a jazz or ballet class. It's funny how I came to college all excited to leave jazz behind and move on to ballroom. And don't get me wrong, I really do love ballroom. But sometimes I miss the grand jetes and the pirouettes and the tour jetes that my arms and feet grew up with.

image via deviantart

a story from the past

She had been in a foul mood since June

But she was blind to her own bad attitude.

Well, mostly blind.

She knew it was there.

It was like that conversation you never want to bring up.

Because you know it's not going to end well.

So she just let it stay there.

It kept her company.

But she didn't realize how much it defined her for that time in her life.

She didn't believe how many "he's" might have wanted to be with her.

Because she was so focused on one particular "he" that wanted everything but her.

And even sometimes, she still wonders what those other "he's" saw in her.

Because she felt so broken so much of the time.

What did they see behind that face of strength she kept up until she closed the door to her tiny little room and crawled into bed?

What made them get her out of bed to go do something to feel like she was alive?

But the big question is: why is she different now? what changed?

image via deviantart

cannonball--take two

Remember that one time when I was going to be brave?

And just go for it

head first

without worrying about how deep the water was?

I think I'm failing

and I'm too tired to try and catch myself.

Let alone anyone else.

At Her Fingertips--a series of three poems

Eight

She stood with two feet barely
Balancing on the knobby, uneven roots
Of the maple skyscraper in her backyard

Her eyes drew a line
From trunk to tip
Where green fades into blue

So many branches,
And she’d never been very good
At making decisions

He offered his hand to help her
Up to the thick, stable branch just above her fingertips

“I can do it myself,” she countered.

But he said, “Yes you can,
But you don’t need to.”
................................................

Twenty-Eight

She walked down the street
Not watching where she was walking
But who she was walking past.

Their faces told of birthdays and breakups,
Lost and found love,
A soundtrack to the pattern of their steps.

She looked at their eyes,
Curious if anyone wanted to know her story
But no one looked back

Then with a brush of his hand on hers
As he walked by

He whispered her name
And stopped.

................................................
Seventy-Eight

He laced his fingers through hers
As they took a walk
Down the hall with the white tile floors
And that smell that was too clean for the sickness it held.

She imagined they were barefoot on a beach
In Morocco
Forty-five years ago
After wearing an ivory dress and a gardenia in her hair

He tipped the driver of the rusty green cab
That had been their getaway car
And had carried her to the door
Of the quiet cabin that would be their castle

But that night,
When he lifted her onto a bed of clean white sheets
And crawled in beside her

They just slept
And that was enough.


{I wrote these for my creative writing class. I'm deciding that I really like poetry. Writing and reading it.}

praise His name forever

"Rejoice evermore.
Pray without ceasing.
In every thing give thanks:
for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

I love this message.
We have so many reasons to rejoice.

Today I am rejoicing because of mornings that don't begin at 6:30am, catching up with old friends, and time to eat dinner at the dinner table.

Why are you rejoicing?

thought of you

I saw this yesterday.

It was like coming home.

*Thanks to Ryan Woodward for making this masterpiece. It is absolutely stunning. I can't say enough good things about it, so i'll just leave it at that.

the way to my heart

Love-to-be:

Let's bring it all to the table.

Your strengths.

My weaknesses.

Your faults.

My gifts.

And let's make music from all the discord in our lives.

image via weheartit

feeling the pressure

Literally

and

figuratively.

I always seem to get sick (and feel pretty awful) for about a day and a half. After which, I feel completely fine. But oh, that day and a half is a nightmare.

Especially when I have two media law papers due on Wednesday.*

And a short story to finish.

And a birthday present to buy/get/send to my little brother.

And finals coming up in less than 2 weeks.

All I want to do is take NyQuil and sleep for like 48 hours.

Mental explosion meets sinus pressure equals major fail at life.

*all day today I kept thinking it was Wednesday and it was stressing me out. majorly.

What you're doing this Saturday:

This is what I spent a few hours on yesterday.

It was really fun to play around in Illustrator.*

Two more reasons to convince you to come:

-My semi-famous peanut butter brownies (actually, it's my mom's recipe, but I brought their fame to my corner of the world)

-I'll be singing a little song with my friend Clark.

So come stuff your belly and fill your ears with the feel good sounds of doing some good in the world.

*slowly checking off #3 on this list.

Currently obsessing over:

Can I just say that I love everything about this?

Oh, to sing a duet with Andrea Bocelli.

In Italian.

Someday, I want to be able to understand this without having to use Google Language Tools.

Walk the World

This blog is not generally a forum for discussion, but today I feel like discussing just a little bit.

I read this interesting little article from Zen Habits.*

Lately, since I've been so busy and stressed, I've also been semi-addicted to Zen Habits. There are some things they say don't really work for my life right now, but there are a lot of really good insights about how to make life more simple and less stressful.

This section really stuck with me:

"Yes, it sometimes take longer to get places — maybe 20 minutes instead of 10-15, or 45 minutes instead of 25-30. But that’s OK, because cars (while faster) are also more stressful. Driving in traffic is stressful. So we go places slower, which is less stressful, more fun. I like a slower life."

I like a slower life, too.

I love the idea of living in a place where I can walk almost anywhere I need to go.

I love walking, and I really believe that you see the world differently by foot than you do by car.

Sometimes I don't even see the world if I'm driving. I zone out, which is not only dangerous, but takes the fun out of getting wherever I'm going.

Over the past year or so, I've really come to appreciate public transportation.

It's so convenient.

It's relatively inexpensive.

And it's great for people-watching.

What do you think about all this?

*Some of you know that I don't really like driving, but know that it's the stressful 15 minute drives that I'm not a huge fan of. I'm always up for a good road trip. But, who knows, maybe I can take a cross-country train trip. Or a cross-country bike trip like these friends of mine.

the shorter story

Some people like to go to haunted houses and watch scary movies and let their imaginations run wild to feel that thrill of utter horror and fright.

But I've never been like that.

I'm the one who watches sad movies when I'm happy.
And listens to rainy day music when it's bright and sunny.
And cries not only in movies but at the end of really good books.
Whose idea of a perfect Saturday morning is curling up in a blanket with a mug of hot cocoa and watching something like "The Way We Were."

Because there is something about that heartbreaking, purely human rush of delicious melancholy that gets me every time.

If I can make this night light enough to move*

Today I felt optimistic.

About life and love.

I just had this overwhelming feeling that it's all going to turn out alright.

And that it's alright even right now.

So even in the middle of this storm of stress and unchecked to do lists and half-baked efforts at greatness, this is what keeps me going:

1. Tomorrow I get to walk onto the dance floor with one of my best friends and have SO MUCH FUN.

2. I'm too young to have regrets. And too young to be completely realistic.

3. Lots and lots of compliments on this little success.

4. I might get to sleep in on Saturday morning.

5. Aced my Media Law test. Boom baby!

6. Life is unexpected. And that is frighteningly exhilarating.

7. I only have one class tomorrow.

8. I get to check another state off my list in a couple weeks. (Tennessee, here I come!)

9. Today I felt pretty. Really pretty.

I think next semester I'm going to start clearing out some of the junk in my closet, and cover my walls in sticky notes with dreams and goals and good thoughts for myself.

Something makes me think that will be awfully fulfilling.

image via weheartit, this

*Listen to this. Now.

Would you believe me if I told you this was my homework?

Because it was.

For my advertising concepts class tomorrow, we are having a creative food potluck of sorts.

And this is what I'm bringing.

And if you were wondering, I did eat the bite out of the corner at 1am when I finished this baby.

Baking is my yoga.

*this photo, taken by myself (this is new...) proves several things:

1. I am a copywriter, not an art director, meaning the concept is great. The visual execution....well let's just say I'm not a perfectionist.

2. I actually do own a camera. And I just discovered that my laptop has a memory card slot thingy...well, look at that.

3. I make dang good brownies.

Frankly Scarlet

Sometimes when you spend all day on campus, walking from class to class with wet feet in wet shoes and glasses covered in water droplets, it means you stay up way too late to paint your nails a ridiculously named shade of red when you should be sleeping.

And then you curl up into your many many blankets and dream of handwritten letters and pin curls and red lipstick.

please don't break me

Yesterday I divided a piece of notebook paper into six sections and wrote the days of the next week on them. I color coded all of my responsibilities into: adlab, school, dance, and miscellaneous.

Next week will be better? Hopefully. The problem isn't that I'm committed to a lot of things I don't really want to do. The problem is that I'm committed to too many things that I really want to do. But I can't fully enjoy any of them because I'm always thinking about the next one.

Next semester I am scheduling at least an hour a day to do absolutely nothing.
Or to eat.
Or take a nap.
Or write or read, just for fun.

Or maybe I really will sit and stare at the corner and think about blank pages and white walls and lists with only one to do item on them:

1. Breathe

ps: how does Colby know exactly what to post to make me feel better? Loving this quote, stolen from her blog:

"You belong among the wildflowers. You belong in a boat out at sea. You belong with your love on your arm. You belong somewhere you feel free."
- Tom Petty


image via this

No one is too small to make a difference

Hey all you blog friends who bumped into my corner of the web. Let me tell you about what has been consuming my life lately. In a gets-me-going-in-the-morning, makes-me-want-to-change-the-world, feeling-like-I-actually-can kind of way. This is the kind of stuff that keeps my blood running and my feet moving even when I'm running on little to no sleep.

Tipping Bucket is an incredible organization that has been able to do so much in the short time they've been up and running. To date, they have restored eyesight to Ugandans, lit up rural African schools that didn't have electricity, and provided support and vocational training to victims of sex-trafficking in Southeast Asia.

Tipping Bucket helps passionately charged people with great ideas but limited resources make those ideas come to life. They do this through many small donations from people with big hearts.

All of this is building up to me telling you that Tipping Bucket is entered into the Pepsi Refresh competition for November. They are in the category to win a $250,000 grant that will help them expand their organization and increase their ability to fund more projects.

This is why I do advertising. This is why I sacrifice time, sleep, energy, and a lot of other things for the BYU Adlab.

Help us help them win!

It's easy:

1) Tell your friends. (Link to this post, to the Tipping Bucket website, blog/tweet/facebook it. Don't be shy, you social media mavens you)

2)VOTE: At www.tippingbucket.org, you can vote 3 times a day. Click the two links on the website and text "104182" to 73774(PEPSI) EACH day in November.**

Thank you in advance! Every vote counts!

*If you’re inspired and would like to join the “street team” helping to make this happen, just send your name and email address to pepsi@tippingbucket.org. That will get you on the list for a daily 2-minute-task email and update on our progress toward seizing this great opportunity!

**If you'd like to receive a reminder text each day throughout November send "22046" to 27138
.

cowboy take me away

Maybe I need to add one more thing to the poll on my sidebar: go spend the summer with my extended southern family in beautiful South Carolina. Oh and this little ad shop intrigues me.

Hmm..I wonder what interning in the South would be like. Do they down too many cups of sweet tea instead of coffee, and have big porches instead of basketball courts? Do they still wear suits and say "Yes, Ma'am"? Do they get late night bbq instead of Chinese?

I fell in love with the South when I was 8 years old.

And I wonder if I'd make a better southern belle or city girl.

I think I might like the pace of the South better than the hustle and bustle of the city.

But, then again, there is something magical about the city that never sleeps.

"I want to walk and not run.

I want to skip and not fall.

I want to look at the horizon

and not see a building standing tall."

-Dixie Chicks

image found from the lovely colby ranae on Pray Hard. Live Easy.

Check the sidebar ---->

So...I know that summer is about six months away.

But I'm trying to decide what I want to do, which is where I'll be placing my efforts for those next six months.

I'm just curious what the world wide web-sters think I should do.

So vote.

Please?

(images from google)

million

New York Department of Education - Million from Sebastian Garn on Vimeo.

This is why I believe in the power of creativity to do good in the world.

This is why I love advertising.

one fine day, you're gonna want me for your girl

Jack: Maybe you should let somebody help you out every once in a while.

Melanie: Definitely not. I've got all of these little balls up in the air. And if somebody else caught one for me, I'd drop them all.

-One Fine Day

Today I feel like I'm barely keeping all the little balls from crashing to the ground.

And I wish I knew how or who to ask for help.

I need a mental health day.

Or a good old fashioned Saturday.

A day to curl up in many many blankets (because our heat is not working right now), make a huge mug of hot cocoa, and watch a silly movie that will make me cry and laugh in the same hour and a half.*

*As my friend Clark pointed out, 90s chick flicks are the best. I agree. Am I old enough to say things like, "they just don't make them like they used to.."?

**On another note, I liked One Fine Day so much that I taped it when it was on TV and still have an old, worn out VHS copy with commercials. Maybe the plot is incredibly unrealistic, but I don't even care. Maybe it's not. Maybe you can meet someone on the worst day of your year and things could turn out alright. And this song is half of the reason I love the movie.

just found this little gem:

"This is not a beauty that steals upon your unawares, that flatters and soothes your bruised spirit; this is not a beauty that you can hold in your hand and call your own and put in its place among familiar beauties that you know: it is a beauty that batters you and stuns you and leaves you breathless; there is no calmness in it nor control; it is like a fire that on a sudden consumes you, and you are left shaken and bare and yet by a strange miracle alive."

-Somerset Maugham, from his essay "Mandalay"

these foolish things

Today as I was tidying up my room, Nat King Cole and the sound of rain in the background, I thought about how lovely life is.

Even on days when the power goes out, and it's cold and rainy, and sometimes a little lonely.

The learning and loving and moments of loneliness can be so sweet.

This song started playing and I decided that someday I will dance to it and it will be terribly romantic. As all songs by Nat King Cole are.*

"A tinkling piano in the next apartment

Those stumblin' words that told you what my heart meant

A fairground's painted swings

These foolish things

Remind me of you."

I love rainy day music. It's so...cleansing. Just like the rain.

image via vi.sualize.us (isn't it just gorgeous?)

*According to this little peek into my 16 year old self, Nat King Cole is already on the list to be played at my wedding reception. I'm not sure how many of the other songs I'll keep. But definitely Mr. Cole.

Food Rules

Oh this just came in the mail yesterday.
And I might have read all 64 "rules" before I went to bed last night.

{But I'm saving the explanations and fine print to savor later.}

Favorites:
"Eat all the junk food you want as long as you cook it yourself."
"The banquet is in the first bite."

"Spend as much time enjoying the meal as it took to prepare it."

Go eat something you love.

And really taste it.

*Maybe this will help with #17 on this list.

all we can do is keep breathing*

As I took a precious moment (or 20) to blogsurf this afternoon, I read this post from Zen Habits.

I love that blog.

So much of what they say just hits home.

After reading that post, I went to this website (because it was mentioned in the post).

And now I want to buy this book.*

I love books.

I wish I spent more time with them.

{I know this is in my control, and that I just need to prioritize better, and make time to read, because I do have a whole 16 or 17 hours while I'm awake each day.}

Anyway, I feel like I've been swimming through the past month. Like I'm still barely holding on to getting things done and not falling behind.

I don't feel behind.

I'm caught up.

But I'm just barely caught up.

I'm barely getting through each day without falling asleep in all of my classes or neglecting any major responsibilities.

So really, I'm fine.

But there are so many things I want to do.

I want to read AdAge every morning.

I want to skim through the pages of the New York Times and feel like I know what's going on in the world.

I want to have the time to write blog posts that are creative and stretch my verbal capabilities, instead of to do lists and posts about not having time.**

I want to do yoga, and go running (for once in my life, I actually want to go running).

I want to eat breakfast sitting down.

I want to have time to do my hair in the morning, instead of pretending I'm enough of a granola to let it air dry and have it look fabulous every day.

I want to not fall asleep reading my scriptures every night.

I want to take advantage of all the blessings and opportunities that surround me.

The funny part is, I'm not unhappy.

I love my life.

It is so full of wonderful, exciting things.

It's just that, sometimes, it's a little too full.

So, for tonight, I'm going to tidy up my room.

Eat my dinner slowly.

And remember to breathe.

image via weheartit

*Have I already bought myself too many birthday presents? {Landon Pigg "The Boy Who Never", Food Rules, and Let the Great World Spin.}

**Ironic???

***Ingrid. Yay. Love her. Also, she's coming to Utah on October 26th. Any takers?

xo

Sometimes I honestly believe all I need in life is an endless supply of good hugs and forehead kisses.

this lovely image via vi.sualize.us

Suitcase Heart

Loving these lyrics by the Weepies:

I held so many people in my suitcase heart

That I had to let the whole thing go

Sometimes I stretch myself too thin.

I try to be everything to everyone.

And end up losing myself and what I want.

Because sometimes it's okay to care about what I want.

And to sometimes put myself first.

Because if I don't take care of myself, how can I do anything for anybody else?

So out of the crazy, hectic, wonderful busy-ness of this semester, this is what I want:

-to create a decent start on my creative portfolio (and maybe compete in YoungGuns?)

-to get rid of a lot of stuff that I just keep lying around my house. Simplify.

-to make some good habits: eating less sugar and more vegetables, flossing, reading for fun

Anyway.

I love my life. I really do.

I am so blessed with so many opportunities.

But sometimes I think I need to relearn the lesson of Good, Better, Best. :

We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives.

I think sometimes I have too many good things in my life, and I neglect a few of the "Best" things.

So this semester is going to be another semester of learning. Because that's what education is about.

Not just books.

Or tests.*

It's about life.

And learning how to do it right.

*like the one I need to be studying for right now.

An Eater's Manifesto

I love Michael Pollan's thought: "Eat Food. Mostly Plants. Not Too Much."

In Defense of Food is definitely on my list of books to read in the near future.

But today I am coming up with my own manifesto.

{Sit down.

Eat slowly.

There is no need for dessert with every meal.}

Three simple rules I am trying to live by.

What is your food manifesto?

swimming

This week I get to play catch up on all the responsibilities I skipped out on last week. Which means taking a test, learning at least a minute of a Viennese Waltz routine, relearning the foxtrot, loads of reading, and thinking of ideas for a commercial.

Oh well.

My room is clean.

My bed is made.

And I'm ready to conquer the world.

{Last week at this time, I was walking around the financial district, eating pizza at Grimaldi's and feeling like a real advertiser. I feel like I understand just a tiny bit how people who come back from study abroad feel. I feel no shame in saying I lived in Harlem for six days, and I'm allowed to miss it just a bit.

Someday, NYC, I'll be back.}

"The Ladder": Some Kind of Story, Part Five

She stood with two feet barely

Balancing on the knobby, uneven roots

Of the skyscraper of a maple in her backyard

Her eyes drew a line

From trunk to tip

Where green fades into blue

So many branches,

And she’d never been very good

At making decisions

He offered his hand to help her

Up to the thick, stable arm just above her fingertips

“I can do it myself,” she countered.

But he said, “Yes you can,

But you don’t need to.”

twenty-two

I'm back from New York.

Back to my own bed.

Back to {trying} to eat normally and not spend all my money on hot dogs and bagels.

Back to school.

Back to real life.

Back to doing my hair {maybe} and not living out of a suitcase.

I'm happy to be back.

But I'm definitely going to miss my east coast almost home. Even if it was only for 6 days.

I'll miss street food.

I'll miss feeling like I can spend as much as I want.

I'll miss the subway.

Oh and today, well, it's my birthday. The big 22. Which really isn't as old as it sort of feels right now.

But 21 was a great year.

And I'm looking forward to discovering the 22 year old version of myself.

Here's to life.

image via deviantart

new york

I wish I could post the few pictures I took (never been much of a picture taker, more of a picture moocher), but I don't have a camera cord with me so no luck.

This trip has been incredible. So enlightening.

When I first got to the city, I expected to be overwhelmed. with excitement. just high on life.

And I was.

But mostly, I just felt right at home.

I felt like, yeah, I could live here.

It felt comfortable and almost familiar.

Not in the sense that I'd been here before, because I haven't.

More like I felt confident in my abilities to get around and survive in the crazy concrete jungle.

I'll definitely have to write a more detailed post of what we did each day, but this is just a smattering of thoughts and reflections about the trip.

For now though,

Three things I loved:

-yummy bagels

-Shake Shack (!!)

-oddly enough, the subway. (what can I say, I'm a sucker for efficient mass transit)

Three things I didn't love so much:

-sharing a bathroom with about 20 girls

-the elevators at subway stations. they smell like urine.

-the stress of coordinating 28 opinions. love the group. just not the stress.

I will say that when we visited Wieden + Kennedy, it confirmed my thoughts that working at Wieden in Portland is my dream job.

Their culture just seems so perfect for me.

I'll write more later.

But New York, it's been great. So thanks.

these lights will inspire you

I just got chills realizing that, this week, I'll be checking #6 off this list.

I've daydreamed about soaking up those big city lights since at least the first time I saw You've Got Mail.

But probably before that.

On the list of things I really want to do are, among other things:

Eating at least one hot dog every single day.

Eating legit New York pizza (my jersey girl roommate raves about it)

Finding a free concert.

Mets game.

Broadway!

Pretend like every night is my birthday.**

And, most importantly: live and breathe the world of advertising. visit big agencies, and little boutiques. take copious notes in the new journal I just bought, and soak up as much knowledge about this industry as my mind can contain.

And I just might buy myself a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils.

**Because, oh yeah, the day after we get back I turn 22. Madness.

I won't have a ton of extra time, apart from the business of Advertising Week, but if you only had one day to do whatever you wanted in NYC, how would you spend it?

image via google

Peter

Peter has always been one of my favorite apostles.

Maybe that's because I can see a bit of myself in him.

He had such incredible faith, and wanted to defend the Lord at whatever cost.

But he is so perfectly imperfectly human.

Because sometimes he made mistakes.

And fell short of his own hopes.

And maybe got a little scared.

And had doubts.

But he was devoted and tried so hard.

He acted on his faith. He lived faithfully and passionately and loved the Lord with all his heart.

And I think he was stronger than he gave himself credit for. He had faith in the Savior, but maybe not always faith in himself.

St. John 21: 7-8 (emphasis added)

7 Therefore that disciple whom Jesus loved saith unto Peter, It is the Lord. Now when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he girt his fisher’s coat unto him, (for he was naked,) and did cast himself into the sea.

8 And the other disciples came in a little ship; (for they were not far from land, but as it were two hundred cubits,) dragging the net with fishes.

I love that.

He knew.

And he ran to Him.

That's all there is to it.

image via this*

*The painting is from James Tissot's exhibit, "The Life of Christ". It's a beautiful collection of images from the Savior's life. And I especially loved this image of Peter. It just shows how excited and anxious he is to see the Savior. And it seems that he has no doubt that the Savior has returned.

this lovely little poem has been running through my head all day:

I went to a release party for a creative writing journal last night, and I heard the author read this poem.

It was lovely.

And so simple.

And I wanted to share it.

Because I've been thinking about it all day.

And I want to be able to write like this.

So here it is.
Go check it out.

image credit to this little blog.
there are some lovely pictures of food, and delicious-looking recipes. I'll definitely have to try some of them.

Letters to Strangers

I have always loved sending and receiving mail.

Snail mail.

I love papers and cards and stamps and envelopes and wax seals and everything associated with the handwritten word.

For my creative concepts class assignment I was asked to do something I'd never done before.

So I wrote ten little letters.

And found ten addresses, courtesy of the Provo white pages.

For ten strangers.

I wrote a favorite quote on one side, and on the other, some kind of blurb that came out of my head.

A list.

A rambling of scattered thoughts.

A someday inspirational quote.

And maybe these people will hate what I wrote. Or throw it away without even reading it.

But I hope not. I hope that it's one less thing to vent about that day.

I learned that creativity doesn't have to be elaborate, or perfectly organized, or perfect at all. If you wait for it to be perfect, or to have all the right tools, you will never get anything done.

picture taken by my roommate

Love is Not Blind

"Some stupid people started the idea that because women obviously back up their own people through everything, therefore women are blind and do not see anything. They can hardly have known any women. The same women who are ready to defend their men through thick and thin...are almost morbidly lucid about the thinness of [their] excuses or the thickness of [their] head[s]. Love is not blind; that is the last thing it is. Love is bound, and the more it is bound, the less it is blind." (G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy)

I just read this speech and I loved it. It's a little long, but definitely worth the time.

It's interesting to think about the different attitudes people have about life and how it's not bad to understand the difference between reality and the ideal, but there must be a balance in order to achieve real happiness.

manifesto for the school year

"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength."

-August Wilson

There are some things I feel like I've slacked on this summer.

Not that this summer was a failure.

Not at all.

But I feel like I was just so busy and caught up in the many things I was doing (good things, mind you), that I lost a little bit of who I am.

Just a little bit.

I slacked off a little bit in some things that are important to me.

Just a little bit.

This is not me ragging on myself or moping about the past.

This is just me recommitting to a life I love.

A life that is full of passion and character and a few blue recycling bins.

A life of living the principle that less is more.

And that books and music and writing and good quality entertainment are not a waste of time.

That these books mean so much more when I'm not half-asleep.

That playing is just as important to my health as working.

And that learning is a privilege, not a burden.

So I'm going to unpack the boxes in my room, and figure out what to keep, what to get rid of and what to put away until I decide how important it is to me.

And recommit to loving the life God gave me. And remembering what is important.

image from this fabulous girl

"i have measured out my life with coffee* spoons"

For my creative writing class, we are asked to keep a journal and read two poems a day.
I came across the poem "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Eliot and loved it.

"There will be time, there will be time

To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;

There will be time to murder and create,

And time for all the works and days of hands

That lift and drop a question on your plate;

Time for you and time for me,

And time yet for a hundred indecisions,

And for a hundred visions and revisions,

Before the taking of a toast and tea."

It so perfectly describes the stresses of life, while assuring the reader that, "there will be time."

*though I don't drink coffee myself, i love coffee shops, really good hot cocoa, and this line of the poem.

image via deviantart

Open for Discussion

I've been thinking lately about natural dispositions.

How the mood people generally wake up in is different for everyone.

Curious, pensive, optimistic, ANNOYED, content.

And how sometimes a person's natural disposition colors the way they look to you. The way you think about them. How much you enjoy spending time with them, or what sorts of things you enjoy doing with them.

Because I think people are usually more beautiful when they are happy.

And I'm curious what others' thoughts are about this subject.

I'm curious what my natural disposition is, what other people see it as, and what I think it is.

And if the two differ.

So tell me your thoughts.

About yourself.

About me.

About your friends.

About the subject in general.

"I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition."

Martha Washington

"Let all your things be done with charity." {1 Corinthians 16:14}

i've been thinking a lot about understanding people.

and how it takes knowing someone for longer than a day, or a month, or a year, or even a lifetime, to really understand the ins and outs of who they are and why they are who they are.

there is always more to learn about someone.

new ways to love them.

better perspective.

i've been thinking a bit about how everyone is different.

and everyone has different struggles.

and i've realized that the things that come naturally for me, don't always come naturally for others.

honestly, i hadn't really thought about that before.

and i've been feeling pretty grateful.

for all i have been blessed with.

which is a lot.

and i think this understanding that people are different only increases my love for them.

because it's nice to remember that i'm not the only one who isn't perfect.

and that we're all trying.

and fighting our different battles.

and that, in the end, it's not about winners or losers.

it's about who is still standing on the battle field, when the war is finally over,

and there is finally peace on earth.

"Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth..."

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

image via deviantart

i don't wanna sit on the pavement while you fly, but I will*

Sometimes you just have to throw your hair up into a messy bun,
and shrug off the world,

and realize that no matter what is driving you absolutely mad right now,

There is always new air to breathe tomorrow.

image via sabino

*ingrid, you rock. that's all.

long time coming

" She leaned over to him and said, 'we've been in love for so long.'
He said, 'you're the only girl I've ever loved, and I've loved you since I was 15.' "

Congratulations to my friends Kortney and Clayton!
(they got married on Friday)

If you ask me, they've been made for each other since they were in high school, and I'm so happy for them.

nothing wrong with a little change

Love-to-be:

Please choose your occupation because it's something you love, not simply because it will make you loads of money.

I've told you before, it's not about the money.

I will love you just as much for your passion for what you do as for the inventive ways we will stretch our dollars.

Love it enough to do it for 20, 30 or 40 years, but love me enough to let it mellow into a conversation topic when you come home.

Let it be your profession, your passion, but not your life.

I always admire men who choose a career that may not be the most financially cushy, but that is something they truly enjoy.

So. Whatever you choose to do, do it with passion.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a doctor or a lawyer or even an advertising man. There is no reason you should feel guilty for making six figures. That would just give us more opportunities to do good, and I would love that.

All of this is just to say that if what acts as your figurative cup of coffee in the morning is the thought of teaching 17-year olds about The Cold War or mitosis or Shakespeare, we will be just fine.

We'll live in a small*, older house, with chipped paint and a kitchen table we'll refinish ourselves.

We'll find adventures in weekend camping trips and coveted nights out, but mostly in good conversation and great food.

Made by yours truly, of course.

We'll learn to save our pennies and nickels and dimes and when we finally have enough to take that big trip to Europe or South America or Africa that we've always wanted to take, we'll appreciate it that much more.

So, dear, do what you love, love what you do, and love me too.

*I don't much care for housework, anyway. So, in my opinion, the less house to clean, the better.

image via deviantart

Some Kind of Story, Part Four

She remembered a time when all it took to make her swoon was an acoustic guitar and letting a boy teach her how to play the first few bars of "Smoke on the Water."

A time before drum sets and the boys that sat behind them.

A time when butterflies were triggered by rainy day love songs and that spunk and confidence that always seems to come with being a musician.

She remembered a time when unpredictable was exciting and returned affection was maybe too much to take.

But now she dreams of bare feet on hardwood floors and mortgage payments and disagreements over paint colors.

A life that, though imperfect, will be perfect for her.

And butterflies that never get old.