and they lived.

I found this on A Cup of Jo.

It's heartbreaking, but an interesting twist on the everyday fairytale.

I love the line at the end of Ever After, where it says:

"And, while Cinderella and her prince did live happily ever after, the point, gentlemen, is that they lived."

toms not bombs

I really want this T-shirt.

And some tye-dye TOMS.

Really bad.

and then I woke up.

I found him.

My dream guy.

Okay. So he just happens to be a movie star. And he just happens to always play the sensitive yet hilarious, scruffy-chinned yet classy kind of guy I always dream of dating. And I did just happen to watch Alex & Emma, where he is not only all of the above, but also, a brilliant novelist.

But last night we talked. About life. And love. And relationships. And how things can sometimes be so easy. And we were friends. Good ones. And I was hoping that it would become something more.

But, for once in my life, I was patient.

And then I woke up.

photo via google images via this

I've been feeling very blue lately...

{...in the Color Code sense of the term.}

I am technically a yellow-blue.

But, in all honesty, it's pretty close to a tie.
And which facet of my personality or which motive is emphasized changes all the time.

Maybe it's that way because I think building relationships and just simply being with people, is fun.

what's your color?

find out here.

well, this cheered me up a little bit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awxXPSQ5E0k

Oh Zach Morris. I adore you.

grey sky eyes

Carbon Leaf is coming to Oregon.
Next Saturday.
And I have to work.
(And I have no one to go with.)
But I love them.
I think I might cry.

let me be just a little bit proud

{you know what they say about life, and lemons...}

I always make lists of things I want to do/learn/accomplish. Today I am going to make a list of things I have already done. Not to be showy, but to show myself that I have done some important or interesting things in my life.

a meager list of small but significant accomplishments:

-I have been to 17 of the 50 states

-I was accepted to Brigham Young University (okay, not that hard to do, or thrilling, but still)

-I helped plan the 2009 Hunger Banquet at BYU. Which actually makes things happen.

-I worked out 4 times last week. That's kind of a big deal.

-I was a vegetarian for a year...and I learned to not detest salad.

-I make killer chicken enchiladas.

-I was determined to get the job at the restaurant I work at. And I got it. Two summers in a row.

-I recycle and do what I can to avoid unnecessary waste. I don't think that the planet is going to pot anytime soon, but I do care about the air I breathe and the ground I walk on.

-I carried four water glasses in my hands, at once. If you have ever been a server, you understand that is kind of a milestone.
-This past semester was the highest GPA I have had since high school.

-I have learned to express my feelings through words and music.

-I took Jazz 331, and worked my tail off. I have never craved criticism for improvement so much.

-I got a full-fledged A in Brent Keck's class. Boy, was I proud of that.

-I took a stupid birds class, and can now, conveniently identify a number of bird calls as well as live and used-to-be-alive specimens.

-I took a couple big leaps and wasn't afraid to fail. It's a good thing because, well, things didn't turn out the way I thought they would. Maybe that's failure. I prefer to call it: life.

{But even more than the grades, or the things I can check off my list, I learned to love. I learned to love learning and studying new things. I remembered how to love dancing, and how badly I need it in my life. I learned to love change. I learned to love people in so many different ways. I still feel very strongly that love is what life is all about.}

What else could possibly make everything else worth it?

photo via deviantart, of course

in your eyes, love, it glows*

Sometimes I wish I could collect moments like pennies and keep them safely in little glass jars on wooden shelves, to open anytime I please and just, remember and relive...

the smell of a ten year old birthday party...
a first kiss in the summer moonlight...

or better yet, the 2-hour conversation that led to that first kiss...

an unexpected compliment...

my grandparents still holding hands after 58 years...

the song of a first dance...

butterflies in my stomach...

a really good cry...
the complete ease of being around people who love you...
the guys I have met in my life that make me go weak at the knees...
the feeling of new friendships...
a perfect day, which consisted of nothing more than just being together...
warm summer nights, where both romances and secrets blossom...
the innocence of youth, before we all cared about being "cool"...
pure, undeniable, hope for the future...

*oh dave matthews...you make my heart happy

photo via deviantart

shake our apathy

"you hold your head like you don't know about, a thousand kids with all their clothes worn out, and you hide behind, this naive mind."

-"Shake Our Apathy", Foiled

This is such a good song. The boys of Foiled are genius. It's more than just a good song with a catchy beat; it's important. The one who wrote this song is my friend's brother, I got their CD from her last year. Just pulled it out today and am so glad I did. Check this out. {note: that was not a question, but a command :)}

another line from the song:

"it's telling you that it all will change, how is that if we all stay the same, and our eyes stay dry, no tears we cry?"

I was thinking...OVERthinking

Sometimes I think that he knows.
But then I realize that it's probably just me being paranoid. ...i tend to do that.

Although really, does it matter if he knows?

It's fading. I know it is. It's not really a secret love, anyway. but it's still unnecessary for him to know.

whenever I hear someone say, (with a particular tone), "you'd really do that? for me?", I think: oh no.
I've done it again; offered to put someone else's needs above my own, when they wouldn't do the same for me. and I think that scares them.

But, a lot of times, it's not me making some incredible exception for them. It's just me, being me. I think I've always been willing to help others out, even if it's a little inconvenient for me.

It means I love them. But not usually like that. love them as a brother/sister, friend, fellow human. I have love for a lot of people. I think I feel love freely, but don't fall in love very easily. If that makes any sense.

But I guess people read into it sometimes.

{note to self: don't let people think you care, until you know they give a care about you.}

[if you're confused, look here ]

I...

am utterly obsessed with words; those of others and my own

could spend all my money on books, music and these cards

wish to buy myself: a bob dylan LP, and a ninja turtles tee

watch the same movies over and over and over again

think robert redford is devastatingly handsome

love giving presents I know people will like

send packages and cards for no reason

annotate and underline in my books

fail the first time, but try again

can be very shy, at times

daydream constantly

love cold showers

dream of love

imagine

♥

photo via lululemon

all i need

to the future love-of-my-life:
i don't need a diamond; i'm not even sure I want any gem at all. all I really need is a thin little band around that special finger; just something that will say to everyone else that i'm yours, forever.

and i don't need a big, expensive house; just a space we can call our own, a place to build our life, and make our memories.

i don't need you to make lots of money; just enough. and we will be smart and creative with it.

{what i do need is}: for you to love me back. all of me. even the parts that are quirky and weird and don't seem to fit. the part that is stubborn and doesn't always play well with others. the part that secretly wants to give all our wealth away to feed Africa. the part that craves adventure. the part that is easily scared. the part that can be dramatic and irrational and sometimes cries for no reason. the part that is completely and utterly, human. {for you to want all that, forever. so we can say "i love you" with as much feeling at twenty-two, seventy-two, or one-million-and-two.}

that's all i need.

and you don't have to know it by our third date, or even our thirty-third date.

until you do:

pictures via this and that

today i wasted a little gas, and took some time to remember

I had half an hour to kill before I went to go meet my friend Kortney for lunch, so I went for a little drive through my childhood.

I drove all over the neighborhood of my elementary school, where most of my childhood friends lived. There are so many memories from that area and era in my life, and from the people I spent my time with. I'm still friends with a lot of the kids I went to kindergarten with, but I have lost touch with some.

I drove by Rachel's old house, which reminded me of: pool parties in the summer, the first time I saw someone drunk, late night chats with boys on MSN messenger, girls that were more popular than I, her mom's Mississippi drawl and the movie Now and Then.

I drove by two of Sarah's old houses and thought of: the witch that lived on the hill above her house, her hot tub, "snowboarding" on a sandboard down the hill when it snowed, birthday parties and smashing our faces in the cake, jumping on her trampoline and praying I wouldn't hurt myself because then my parents would find out, the yellow chiffon cake we tried to make for her mother's birthday, her brother's friends who we always thought were cute, and a certain night spent talking to a dangerously-cute Argentinian exchange student with my friend Diana.

At Emily's house I remembered: camping out in her backyard, watching Grease for the first time and not getting any of the jokes, getting sick at her birthday party and sleeping on her red beanbag, playing dress-up and putting on all sorts of makeup, borrowing clothes, and her two little dogs.

The little trip would not be complete without going by Makenzie's house. Even though we have lost touch, so much of my childhood was spent there: our "Spice Girls" fort in her backyard, making music in her living room with Emily as the Wannabes/The Space Girlz/The Cosmic Angelz, dressing up like genies for Halloween, getting ice cream cones right before ballet in her dad's truck, her infamous themed birthday parties, hilarious games of truth or dare, and playing Sonic the Hedgehog on her Sega Genesis while eating Ritz bits sandwiches and drinking Coke from champagne goblets.

I'm sure this isn't half as interesting to any of you who didn't live this life (which, frankly, is all of you), but I am feeling a little nostalgic today. Sometimes I miss those days; the innocence, and the belief I had in myself. It seems like it's a lot harder for me to believe in my dreams, than it was back then.

But I'm doing my best to believe in them, my dreams; and in myself.

reading until the wee hours of the morning.

Last night I finished the Poisonwood Bible. I read until one in the morning because I just couldn't put it down.

It is quite possibly my new favorite book.

It made me think about a lot of things: family relations, life, religion, Africa and why other countries felt (and still feel) the need to "civilize" it, change it, or convert it. I wish I had been underlining my favorite phrases throughout, but I started about a hundred pages from the end.

one simple yet profound thought:

"everything you're sure is right, can be wrong in another place." -Leah Price

That one phrase sums up 90% of what I learned in Intro to International Development, last semester. If you try to help someone/something/some country/some way of life by changing it to what you are used to, without letting it change you right back, it won't work. If I learned anything in that course, it is that it takes working with whatever you are trying to help, with the attitude of being both a teacher and a student.

Read it. It is definitely worth it.

Imagine a life...

Random Fact about me #6:

I have this rather odd habit of imagining other people's lives. And sometimes myself in them. When I am people-watching, which I tend to do quite often when I am bored, I make up what they might be like in my head. This also happens a lot when I see people in passing and catch a bit of their conversation; the beginning of a phrase, the tail end of a thought. Sometimes I finish the thought unconsciously and, without intending to, imagine an entire moment, day, experience related to it.

For example:
Today was my little brother's piano recital. There was a young family sitting in front of me. Husband, Wife, and little girl sitting in-between. NOTE: from this point on, any assumptions are purely speculative, without any solid facts.

I noticed that the woman was wearing some sort of bracelet that seemed to be related to the military, or so I assumed. (it said something about "hope, service and courage.") That and the fact that the husband had a buzz cut and looked fairly muscular made me wonder if he was in the military, and she, an army/navy/marine wife.

I wondered what I would do in that position. How I could handle it. If I could bring myself to commit and marry someone, when I knew they would have to be gone for months or years at a time, risking their lives every day. That many times, I would have to listen to people complain about the war and the government, and decide how/when/if I should speak up. He defends this country, the least I could do would be to defend him.

It would be very hard. It made me think of SheDaisy's song, "come home soon":

I put away the groceries

And I take my daily bread

I dream of your arms around me

As I tuck the kids in bed

...

I walk alone

I try alone

I'll wait for you, don't want to die alone

So please, come home soon

So to all those in the military, but also their families: I commend you. I may not always agree 100% with the government, or the wars we fight as a nation. But I will always support those who willingly choose to serve and defend this country.

operation nice.

this made me smile today.

isn't that really what life is all about?

some random thoughts from the past couple days...

some boys can be really cute when they sing obnoxious songs

sometimes when you think you are terrible at something, everyone else thinks you're doing okay

cold showers are incredibly nice on very hot days

three days off, in a row, is a beautiful thing

secret spoonfuls of spumoni somehow taste better

new cds in the mail make me giddy

100% is a beautiful score for a test

working hard and pushing yourself does the body good

making a goal feels good. meeting it feels better.

it's probably bad how I tend to swear in my head...should work on that

being a lady can be very hard and exhausting

one slice of pizza is not a full meal

i am becoming more and more of a night owl

i don't like that i didn't see my brother all day

5 days until payday= :-)

i like when people think i am a good server

tips are a beautiful thing, especially when i get to keep them

i wore shorts today and i haven't shaved my legs in a week...scandalous

i think blow-dryers should hibernate during the summer

i had a terrible dream last night, and i don't know what it means

i really want to go water-skiing. really.

life is beautiful. live it. love it. let yourself love and be loved.

image from deviantart

Today was a good day for...

sunshine

getting off my butt and going running in that beautiful sunshine

working

chats with old friends

eyeliner and blush

wavy hair

drinking ice water instead of pop

british accents

feeling tan

not getting hit on by awkward guys at work...

goo goo dolls on the radio

driving my truck

my pseudo-converse hi tops

two showers

mysteriously-disappearing allergies

determination rather than discouragement


Merry Thursday!

-lc

Love, Save the Empty

*new favorites*

musicians:
Chantal Kreviazuk
Erin McCarley


songs:
you belong with me-taylor swift
vuelve-reik
foundations-kate nash (thanks Katie, for introducing me to this one!)
gravity-john mayer

and a few old favorites, for good measure:
que vida la mia-reik (this was the first song in spanish that I listened to and could understand almost everything...it was a glorious moment)
la vie en rose-the louis armstrong version from French Kiss and the original edith piaf one.
life less ordinary-carbon leaf

*also: this post was originally going to be just about music, but I have a new favorite book: Persepolis. It's very comical, in parts, but very interesting. I'm anxious to read the second one, and to see the movie.*

the weekend.

Saturday I spent the day with my mom.

We went to the farmers market Then we made jam. Lots of it. (find more detailed posts about those here). This is my mom's way of helping me fulfill part of #2 on this list...(aka become less domestically-challenged).

We have many more projects planned for the summer. I'm pretty stoked about it. :) Maybe I'll be a little bit closer to checking off numbers 2, 3, 4, 17, and 25.

Today was a good Sunday. Caught up with some old friends at church. Family barbeque. Cupcake decorating. Home movies.

Tomorrow will be grand. No work. Just time to play with the family :).

Happy Memorial Day!

-LC

Impossible

I hate the idea of impossible. For some, it is motivating. It creates a challenge; something to be overcome.

But, tonight especially, I think it is terribly hopeless. Especially when I know that while it may not actually be impossible, it has to be impossible. For me, at least. I have to make it impossible.

I'm not making any sense, I know.

It's just that, tonight, I'm feeling a little lonesome.
A little more than usual.

Oh, how I wish i knew what life had in store for me. Because it's a little bit easier to take things one day at a time, when you know that someday something wonderful will happen. Wonderful enough to make all the others worth it.

I know it's coming, eventually. I just wish I knew when...

in case you need a laugh...

check this out.

(my way of putting a plug in for the venting blog

if you can relate, I'd love to hear stories :).

~LC

Last night...

I dreamt I kissed someone.
A few times.
With my eyes closed tight.

Because of that, I don't know who this dream boy was, or even what he looked like.

I wonder what that means.
{I always wonder what dreams mean.}

Does it mean that I didn't want to know who this guy was....

...or that I just didn't care?

little does he know...

I might like this boy. Sort of.

It is one of those irrational crushes that I know full well won't go anywhere. I mentioned him before, once, on this list.

Sometimes I wish things were different. Actually, a lot of times I wish that things were different. That we were different. That we were more compatible. That there wasn't that huge obstacle standing in the way.

There are so many facets of his personality and character that I could fall so deeply in love with. Maybe that is why I am so cautious about this, and can't let him know.

The main problem that stands in the way is that we are too different, religiously speaking, for it to work; and neither one of us would want to compromise. (and frankly, the fact that he is so committed to his own faith is one of the things I admire about him.)

But he is a good man. He might not think so, but I believe he is. He has a good heart, a good head on his shoulders, and a smile that can make me lose my train of thought. He is smart, in all the ways that really count; I've never had a particularly intellectually-stimulating conversation with him on a subject other than religion. But I can just tell.

Confession: I don't actually know him that well. Not as well as I'd like to.

I want to know his motivation in life. Why he is the way he is. What caused him to become so strong in his faith and so knowledgeable about it. What his family is like. Why he is still in this town. What he struggles with. What his weaknesses are. What makes him happy.

And, of course: what he thinks about me....does he ever think about me? That is a question I wonder about almost everyone I know. not in the sense that I have to please everyone. I'm just curious what people think about me, based on what they know about my life.

He could so easily be my summer crush. But that would be dangerous, now wouldn't it?

It's scary to let your heart really feel sometimes, isn't it? I think that too often we don't want to give our heart as much power or control as it wants because we are so afraid of falling apart. Which it often does.

The next best thing would be for him to become a good friend. Or better yet, for me to become a good friend to him. That is generally my heart's compromise to the whole falling in love/breaking my heart dilemma. I love having male best friends, and I have been lucky several times with that.

[insert borderline-sappy and somewhat random shoutout]

{Josh Cluff--you might be reading this, but you are one of my closest guy friends, if not the closest. You fill spots in my life that no female could. I probably don't tell you enough how grateful I am for that. You were many things for me this year, but most of all, you were my friend.}

But back to the point.

I don't really know why I felt particularly anxious to write about this. Or why I wanted to write about it at all. I guess writing/typing out my thoughts is one way I try to organize them and make sense of my complicated mind.

These thoughts don't even have to apply to just one boy. I guess this is kind of a collection and rambling of my thoughts about life and love.

I think there will definitely be more where this came from. So if you haven't gotten too bored and kept reading, stay tuned. :)

(Like this wasn't a long enough post already?)

25 before I'm 25

I saw this on Meg Fee's lovely blog and it inspired me to make a list of my own.

I've actually been working on it for a few weeks, but it took a little bit of time to compile 25 goals that were daring enough to inspire me, yet realistic enough that I could accomplish them.


25 before I turn 25:


1. Spend some time in foreign country
2. Learn to cook
3. Learn how to use graphic design programs [Photoshop, InDesign, etc....currently i use "paint" :)]
4. Read 25 new books
5. Let myself fall in love
6. Go to New York City
7. Define my political opinions a little more; be more knowledgeable (particularly for 2012)
8. Record a CD with Brittany in a recording studio
9. Learn to play guitar
10. Write an up-tempo song
11. Learn to not be afraid of driving
12. Use my writing skills for good
13. Kiss someone at midnight on New Year's Eve
14. Donate something (time/money) each year to worthy causes (excluding tithing/fast offerings)
15. Become fluent in Spanish
16. Create something I am really proud of: a song, a painting, a dance, an idea, a wedding dress
17. Learn to like vegetables
18. Start a collection of records
19. Take a cross-country road trip
20. Go to a really good concert or two
21. Get paid to use my talents (no matter how little)
22. Spend some time with my family in the Deep South
23. Share my talents. For once, really show off
24. Take full advantage of the dance opportunities available to me
25. Read each of these at least once, all the way through

Sometimes...

Sometimes I dream of...

lighting my whole house with nothing but candles...

kissing a stranger...

starring in a movie...

eating everything that I want to and not feeling bad about it...

being the best at something...

speaking a thousand different languages...

living in latin america...

writing a song to change someone's world...

singing jazz in a night club...

living in Israel around 30 AD...

writing a book...

having Nat King Cole sing at my wedding reception...

dancing on Broadway...

getting locked in a bookstore or library...overnight...

being a fashion designer in New York...

not feeling as scared of life as I sometimes do...

being deeply in love, or maybe just being loved deeply.

photo from deviant art via simplysublime

what is currently stuck in my head.

It seems like every time I turned on the radio this week, I caught the chorus of this song, by Rodney Atkins:

"It’s a high school prom

It’s a Springsteen’s song

It’s a ride in a Chevrolet

It’s a man on the moon

And fireflies in June

Kids selling lemonade

It’s cities and farms

It’s open arms

One nation under God

It’s America"

It gives me chills.

This simple representation of everyday america, aside from the undeniable big problems we face as a nation, gives me hope for the future.

Country music always seems very patriotic and down-to-earth, to me. I think that's a big part of why I like it. It can be so honest and heartfelt.

and I wholeheartedly agree with this line from the same song:

"No we don’t always get it all right

But there’s no place else I’d rather build my life"

I feel so blessed and proud to live in this country. And no one can take that away.

photo via google images via this

Que Vida La Mia

Sometimes I feel totally and utterly alone.



But sometimes, I feel so surrounded by love and beauty and honest, good people. Maybe I say that too much. But it is still true.

I like when life is colorful and beautiful and wonderful and exciting and surprising and unexpected.

I like when I like life.

People just make me SO happy sometimes.

"Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart."
-Anne Frank


I thoroughly agree.


and one more thing that really makes me happy: music


"Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy?"
-Natasha Bedingfield

photo via deviantart.com via wint3r88

he said you gave him a toothache/how'd I do that?/it's an expression, it means he thought you were sweet

Going to the dentist can be awkward.



You sit there and the hygienist leans you back in the chair, tells you to "open a little bit wider" and then proceeds to ask you about your family/friends/where you go to school/etc, all the while with his or her fingers in your mouth scraping, poking and polishing your teeth.

Yeah, right.




*also. if you know what movie the subject is from (without googling it), you are my hero for the day :)*

This Summer

I make lists all the time. I guess it's my way of trying to put down on paper what I want to accomplish, in hopes that if I write it down, it will actually come true.

A mini-list to begin:
1. Brittany and I make summer workout plans. Every. Single. Summer.
2. I have about a billion of these "things I want to accomplish" lists
3. To be frank, I will be lucky if I get half the things on this list done. But that's better than nothing, right?


Here goes.

Things I want to learn to do/accomplish/get done during Summer 2009:

1. Improve my sewing skills (I actually don't really have sewing "skills" to begin with, but I have to start somewhere)
2. Learn more about graphic design programs
3. Learn to cook more than just chicken enchiladas, vanilla crepes and hot cocoa.
4. Savor the taste of MAma CarOle's Traditional Cheesecake
5. Go to the Farmers Market with Mom
6. Go to Kevin's Baseball games.
7. DON'T get fat on soda pop and ice cream
8. Go to Salem and see more than just the capital building
9. READ for fun! (that is a WHOLE other list to be made: Books I want to read this summer)
10. Grow spiritually. Go back to school stronger in my faith. (This is another one that could turn into a whole post, but I really want to make meaningful scripture study and prayer a part of every day)
11. Floss! (this is always on my lists, but I've never been very consistent with it. Oh well.)


Hopefully:-). So far I have: been to the farmer's market, a baseball game, eaten cheesecake, read one book, flossed twice, and studied my scriptures with Preach My Gospel once. *little pat on the back*

Vendetta against that kind of green

Random Fact #5:

I really don't like lettuce.


People tell me that I'm crazy. That it has no flavor; that it doesn't taste like anything.


I disagree. I think it tastes like limp, water-y bits of green paper, and the only way I ever get it from mouth to stomach is if it is smothered in the creamy goodness of ranch or caesar or blue cheese.

Adventures in Portland-land! :D

Reunited!
My beautiful mother and I eating lunch at Old Wives' Tale on Burnside Street.
'Twas excellent.

A little stop at Moonstruck Chocolate Cafe, where they make many decadent treats like these.

A little light (or not-so-light!) reading.
Someday I will know this much about chocolate.

Lastly, a stop at Powell's City of Books.
Heaven.
Used books.
Words to live by.

Can I take it all home with me? Please?

I love spending time with my mom, especially in Portland. It was a great first outing since I have been back home. Hopefully there will be many more this summer.

The Greatest

Today I feel so blessed.



I have an amazing family. My mom and I spent a lovely day in Portland, after I flew home on Tuesday. (Pictures of our adventures to come!). She is my best friend, and I am so grateful to spend the summer with her.



I have a GREAT job. (especially in this economy, I am grateful for that.) I forgot how much I love my job. I love working with people, and serving them. And the tips, of course. teehee. It felt good to be back around the same people and familiar territory; unlike last summer when I was the rookie.

I actually really love the feeling of exhaustion after a hard day's work. When I've been running around the restaurant all evening and I finally crash into my bed at 11:30 with sore feet, stringy hair, and that smell of italian food permanently stamped into my clothes.



And I have awesome friends....who hopefully won't forget me when I am gone over the summer :). I wish I could write a song about each of you. You are all so uniquely wonderful.

Maybe someday.




Oregon. My beautiful Oregon.

Things I have done so far since being home:
-Worked for 7 hours at my favorite Italian restaurant.
-Sang my heart out while driving my big red truck.
-I might have eaten 7 of my mother's homemade chocolate chip cookies (not including all the cookie dough I ate).
-Slept in my spacious double bed.


It feels good to be back.

:)

ishoulddefinitelybesleepingbynow...

Exciting things so far this week:

1. I got an A in Spanish!!
2. I get to see my beautiful mother in...less than 36 hours! :D
3. I have an almost tan from California!
4. My friends ROCK.
5. I don't have to go to class until September!

BUT. I am sad to be leaving to everyone here. Goodbyes are so hard. I'm not very good at it.

So to all the incredible people I have been surrounded by this year:

You are great. You made my semester/year/day/moment. Don't know how I would have done it without you all.

Thanks. More than you know.

On the inside, I really want to be a rockstar

Random Fact #4:

I write songs.**
Lots of slow, heartfelt, ballads. For some reason, it's hard for me to write a decent fast song.

I love it though. Music is such a necessary form of expression. It's an addiction.

It's actually surprisingly difficult for me to let people know about this, because music can be such a personal thing. I don't usually let people see that part of me. It makes me vulnerable. What if they don't like it or think it's stupid or want to change it?

It's branded with my name on it. It's a little part of my soul.

I'm not confident enough in my own abilities to really put myself out there and share it with very many people. I'm getting more comfortable with it, but it's still a big deal for me to let someone into that part of my life.

a favorite quote about music:

"Where words fail, Music speaks."
-Hans Christian Andersen

**Let it be known that I never said "I write hit songs." Maybe someday.**

{In case you are curious, intrigued, or baffled by this post: believe it or not, there is more! My best friend Brittany and I join forces (and voices) in our "band," Blue January. www.isabelandeden.blogspot.com.}

Yet again...

Random Fact #3:

People almost always forget my name.

Laurie, Lauren, Laurel, Lorelai, Heather, Kristen.....

In my experience, it takes someone meeting me approximately three times to actually make it stick, usually more for them to remember my name.

I wonder if this is because I don't have any particularly distinguishing features:

brown hair
brown eyes
average height

Does that mean my personality isn't very memorable either?

Either way, I've gotten pretty used to it, and I don't get offended very easily anyway. Guess that's a good thing. : )

I don't know what to do with all these thoughts in my head...

*Continuation of the "25 random things about you"*

Random Fact #2 about Laura:

I love writing.

People sometimes tell me that I'm good at it, but I really love it; because it's a refuge and a release of all that I am feeling and thinking. I am constantly making lists (of every kind), coming up with new lyrics, writing my thoughts in a journal, doodling in the margins of my notes, or scribbling blurbs on any scrap of paper I can find. Maybe that is why I like this blogging thing so much. At one time, there can be countless movie or book ideas, song titles, or monologues running through my head.

The problem is, I think I'm good at coming up with ideas; not so good with the follow-through and actual execution of these ideas.

I should probably work on that.

Ain't Love a Kick in the Head

Pictures from our lovely and hilarious "old people date"

1st stop: Deseret Industries to pick out our incredibly fashionable get-ups.


2nd: a lunch of sandwiches, pudding (vanilla & chocolate), and applesauce.


3rd: a dance. like when we were young. :-) "oh honey, it's our song!"

Then we played some cards and listened to a little bit of Frank, Dean and Louis. It was a perfect break from studying for finals.

Hooray for creative dating!

our timing is twisted...

Timing.

I feel like it is a common theme in my life that the timing just seems to be a little bit off. Times when I have liked someone, but he doesn't realize it until I've moved on. Or vice versa. Times when everything seems like it might fall into place, except for the plane ticket standing in the way. Or when I know, deep down in my gut, that it's not the right time; that it might never be the right time, but I still waste the days I do have trying to make it work.

And end up missing out on something else. Maybe something better.

If I have learned anything valuable in this life of mine, it is to not put off the truly important things. These usually involve people. And people die, or move away, or get married, and things are never the same.

As John Mayer most eloquently puts it: say what you need to say.

a few simple thoughts:
1. never go to bed angry
2. never say goodbye to loved ones without letting them know what they mean to you
3. never let pride get in the way of making it right.

because you never know when the time will run out...

If you feel so inclined...

My mom has a food blog: www.flavorsoftheumpqua.blogspot.com. She always posts recipes of her favorite dishes to make and suggested that I post the recipe to my enchiladas.

So...here ya go.

What you need:

one 16 ounce container of sour cream
two cans of cream of chicken soup
one bunch of green onions...depends on how much you like onions
three cups of grated cheese (I use sharp cheddar, sometimes with part pepper jack)*
one can of diced green chiles OR smoked chipotle peppers*
twelve yellow corn tortillas (the smaller ones)
(The recipe calls for olives but I don't like black olives so I never put them in.)

*I have made this a couple times using both pepper jack and chipotle peppers, but it's PRETTY spicy. I would recommend using one or the other.*

**If you want more chicken, you can add a can of already cooked chicken (looks like a tuna can)....or if you want more protein and not as much meat...you can use a can of navy beans**

What to do:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees

Soften the tortillas in oil (you basically just put oil in a frying pan and cook the tortillas just enough so they can easily be rolled up), then set them on a plate and set aside.

Mix everything together in a big bowl, but only use half the cheese.

You need a 9 x 13 pan. Put a little bit of the mixture on the bottom of the pan and spread it around. Then put a scoop of the mixture in the center of a tortilla and roll it up, place in the pan.

Do this until all the tortillas are gone but there is still some of the mixture left. Spread it on top of all the rolled up tortillas and sprinkle the remaining cheese on top.

Bake at 350 for 30 minutes.

(These are really good reheated too!)

Happy Happy Easter!!

My famous Chicken Enchiladas.
(confession: they are only famous because it's really the only thing I know how to make)
Also, they normally look more appetizing than this, but a) I am not exactly a great photographer...yet and b) I forgot to put the chipotle peppers in them, so we put them on top. Oops.

Our lovely table before our lovely dinner of:
Chicken Enchiladas
Salad
Fruit Salad
Spaghetti
Homemade Bread (thank you, Natalie!)

oh yes...inca kola.
¡viva peru!

Followed by a HI-LARIOUS game of Apples to Apples. Glorious.

Today was a great day.
It was particularly enlightening and uplifting.
Spring and Easter always seem really triumphant and optimistic. This feels more like a new beginning to me than New Year's does.

i love:
my family (seeing them in 15 days!!)
my friends
my ward family
roommates that I love living with
my digital camera
spiritual boosts
lazy sundays
joyful songs

Goodbye to You(tah) :D

I feel another list coming on....

It's been a while.

Things I must do in the next 12 days...

1. Figure out where I am going to store my stuff over the summer.
2. Get rid of some unnecessary stuff so that it is easier to store.
3. Pack
4. Keep helping plan the California trip...
5. Taxes???
6. Clean out my desk...(currently full of everything I don't really have a place for, or that I am too lazy to put away)
7. Mail a package back home full of things that most definitely will not fit in my suitcase
8. FINALS...boo.
9. Hang out with Shannon before she gets married in July...
10. Get a Mango Peach Topper from Jamba Juice because I won't have it all summer.
11. Study beer info so Kris will make me a server soon! (for my job back home)
12. Go to the Tracy Aviary to look at birds for Bio. (ugghhh!)


I'm sure there are more things I'll have to do, but that's all I can think of for now.


Toodles,
LC

Tell me you're in love; I'm the only one; Go on and lie to me

^Jon McLaughlin put it pretty perfectly^

How many times do we really want to hear the truth?

Okay.

There are definitely times when we want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. (For example, in the case of which way the nearest gas station is when your gas gauge is on E, whether or not you need vaccinations before traveling to Ghana, or who ate the last piece of your pie)

BUT.

How often do we want someone to tell us what we want to hear, even if it means letting them get away with a little white lie? Do you really want to hear it when: you find out there is no way you can get an A in that class, the person who picked your apple didn't wash his hands, Channing Tatum is bisexual, or that one person that usually makes you forget all the other junk says, "we need to talk."

Well...do you?

you make me happyyyy...

Dearest Sunshine,

So glad you are back.

Why don't you stay a while?

It's so lonely when you are gone...



Love, LC

Carolina

A while ago, one of those "forward-esque" notes on facebook/emails/copy and paste type things circulated about posting 25 random things about yourself. I never did it before, but the thought just came to me to do it, over time, one fact at a time. So here goes:

Random Fact about Laura #1:

I am, and always will be, an Oregon girl.

(anyone who knows me well, knows how proud I am of that fact, and how much I love the trees, the rain, the lack of sales tax, and the tie-dye.)

BUT, I must say that I have significant amounts of California blood (from my mother) and Southern roots, (Charleston, South Carolina from my grandmother).


I need the beach, the pouring rain, and southern barbeque. Is that too much to ask for?


*Note: the title of this post is the title of my favorite Matt Wertz song. Check it out.

Now Let Us Rejoice!

I will admit, there were many times when I was growing up that my mom would take me to General Conference for the Saturday sessions and I would either fall asleep or be completely bored. I did not really appreciate conference and love it as I do now, until I was probably 15 or 16.

Regardless, I have thoroughly enjoyed it this weekend. I love feeling uplifted by the words of the leaders of my church. I'm a big fan of quotes; here are a couple of my thoughts from this weekend:

"Reverence is profound respect mingled with love." -Henry B. Eyring

"Our Father's Plan is big enough for all his children." -Quentin L. Cook

"Even when we give up on ourselves, God never gives up on us."-Dieter F. Uchtdorf

"Divine compassion is never absent." -Jeffrey R. Holland

It was exactly like I needed this weekend. What a blessing.

After all, we're only human.

DiScLaImEr: This could, quite possibly, turn into a very "woe-is-me-sounding" post. It was not intended to be such, nor was it directed at any one person. It is just a collection of thoughts, on the subject of heartbreak; reflections drawn from my experiences with love.

I have been in a very thoughtful mood the past few weeks.

I have a confession: I don't think I've ever had my heart broken.

This does NOT mean that I have never experienced heartache, but it has always been a gradual process.

It was the inevitable realization that: he just doesn't want you back.

It's usually something that I knew all along, no big surprise. Maybe that is why it's never actually broken my heart. Broken implies something sudden, and shocking. That has never been the case.

Needless to say, feeling this way has taught me a lot about myself and how I cope with emotional turmoil and stress. It has made me realize that, even though I may feel weak, I can be tough; at least, tough enough.

Lucky for me, my brain does this really cool thing: it's called optimism. I have this weird way of finding the positive in all the crap that happens, and for that I feel so blessed. It has gotten me through some pretty rough days, allowing me to feel gratitude for all that I do have, rather than sorrow for what I have lost (or never had).

Today, I am grateful for friends and for that kind of love in my life; because I honestly believe, that love is all you need.

Did I mention that I'm happy for them, (all of them)?

I honestly am. No sarcasm here.

Tell me your story

I had this thought the other day when I was walking home from campus: what makes the difference between a best friend or soulmate and a stranger? Of all the people that we encounter in some way, every day, what is it that pulls us to take another look and try a little bit harder to get to know some, but continue to walk right by others?

I don't believe that the word "soulmate" only applies to members of the opposite sex; it can be anyone that you can count on to walk with you, no matter what. Anyone that loves you for all that you are, even the part of you that is completely and irrevocably screwed up; the part that breaks down for no apparent reason or completely loses focus when they hear a really good song, or a beautiful acoustic guitar (that just happens to be attached to an almost-as-gorgeous musician). That is my definition of unconditional love; of Christlike love.

People always tell me that I "know everyone". It is true that almost anywhere I go, I see someone I know; but I really crave close, intimate relationships. I guess that is the "blue"in me coming out. (And yes, that was a Color Code reference).

So I guess, to anyone who is reading this, and is not already one of my friends (doubtful, I know): Tell me your story.

And, who knows, maybe we will become soulmates.

Zingers

Today I bought a package of chocolate Zingers from the vending machine.

I ate them as I walked home from my very unproductive session in the library. I don't really even like Zingers, but sometimes I buy them just because. Because they remind me of my mom, because we never had them when I was growing up, and sometimes I just crave the completely unhealthy mediocrity.

Here's the thing: There are three of them in one package. By the time I get to the third one, I am almost always sick of the spongy chocolate cake and over-processed cream; but, without fail, I always eat all three.

I wonder what this says about my personality; I bet someone psychologist-like could read into this. I wonder what they would say.

That was my dinner. Less than scrumptious.

each moment has got a lesson for the day

Life is interesting. Even when it is boring. How is it that so much can change and at the same time stay the same?

I've been doing a lot of just sitting and thinking lately. About life. About myself and what I want from this life. I think this summer will be the perfect time to do some serious soul searching. I have come to know myself better the past few years, months, days, but my mind can be quite a complex thing. I think about and analyze the aspects and goings-on of my life too much. I feel deeply. My natural tendency is to see the hidden meaning behind every word, gesture, blink of the eye; I try to keep that in check. Sometimes I daydream about "what if..." longer than I should.

Anyhow, I am excited for time this summer...to get to know Me a little bit better. (Even though I will definitely be working my tail off at my favorite little Italian restaurant).

This was kind of a random rambling of my thoughts...but sometimes rambling is good.

ps: camping was great. the hike was...an adventure, but it was fun and exciting and strenuous and i got to spend it with some of the greatest people alive. it doesn't get much better than that. also, s'mores never tasted so good :).

Hope.

I hope...
that I feel less sick tomorrow...
that I survive the 13 mile hike...(even if I don't feel less sick)
that it gets warmer here, and that it is warmer when we're camping...


that I can get to sleep tonight....yay for Nyquil.



-LC

Free at last!

I'm DONE!

I NEVER have to go back to my old job. We will call it "fast-food-chain-that-will-not-be-named." Because it is basically the Voldemort of the restaurant industry.

It feels so WONDERFUL!

It was like swallowing a pill, but it is over.

Today was a pretty average Monday. I was kind of in a daze the whole day. I don't think I've gotten enough sleep a single night this year.

That's depressing.

Maybe I should go to bed early tonight....

.....doubt it.


-LC

Things I miss...

Today I was spacing out in the middle of sacrament meeting and I was reminiscing, which was actually pretty entertaining.

Needless to say, it spurred yet another list. Here we go again.

-time to read for fun
-girls' camp
-holding hands
-MSN Messenger, back when it was cool
-platform flip flops, when I thought they were so in style
-cassette tapes
-oh, and WALKMANS
-sleepovers
-worksheets....easy homework from high school
-midnight trips to Sherm's
-one tree hill
-orange food nights
-having a bedtime
-being on a dance team
-high school...?


That's all for now...:)
-LC

Katie, you were right. This is addicting.

Happy thoughts for the day:

sunbathing, sunglasses, and swimsuits

2 hour lunch breaks

curls

DIVINE COMEDY

Ave. 123

Music from my childhood: Third Eye Blind, Barenaked Ladies, Matchbox Twenty, Everclear...etc.

Free candy

Ice cream cones

The beauty of a Saturday to come...

Mo-peds...(shh...don't tell mi padre ;) )

Lucky hands of cards

Good quotes

Friends:)

Dancing for the pure joy that it brings


-LC

Welcome, Spring! We have MISSED you!

I thought about writing a post....


BUT instead,



I decided to go out and enjoy the sunshine...



-LC

lyrics for life

"sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same." -the fray

"music is the reason why I know time still exists." -elisa

"did i make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?" -a fine frenzy

"you and me...always between the lines." -sara bareilles

"nothing tastes as sweet as what I can't have" -teddy geiger

I have decided to go home for the summer, rather than staying here and going to school and working. It took about two months of sincerely searching for answers, several failed job opportunities, and a bucket or two of sweat and tears trying to solidify my plan to stay. I guess that is my answer, I was going against the grain and it just wasn't working.

I AM excited to go home and spend time with my family, and have a break from school. I feel at peace with the decision, and somewhat relieved. But for the first time in my life, it's harder to go home than it is to leave. Maybe that is because for the first time, somewhere else feels
like home, too.

Reasons to be excited to go home:
-summer in the best state in the country
-hanging out with my mom all summer
-spending time with a certain ten-year-old boy with whom I share an immediate blood line :)
-moolah...$$$ (at a job that I like!)
-ice cream...huge scoop for 75 cents at the local grocery store...:)


It will be hard to leave and know that there is so much I will miss by not being with these people I have grown so used to seeing every day. It's only 4 months though, right?

I hate goodbyes. They are almost always bittersweet. Someone better call me over the summer, that's all I have to say :)

My name is Laura, and I'm a compulsive list-maker.

Current Favorites:

-music: ella fitzgerald
-movie: serendipity
-weather: breezy sunshine
-dance: american rumba
-book: the book thief...i'm almost done, finally!
-color: red
-friend: my mom
-language: french, even though I speak about ten words
-feeling: being barefoot
-spot on campus: spiral staircase in the JFSB
-food: dark chocolate
-line from a song: "you held your breath, and the door for me" --thank you alanis morissette
-quote: "live simply so that others may simply live"--ghandi


-lc

-DiScLaImEr-

1. The first 20 or so posts are completely unrelated to the later ones; they are just random thoughts.

2. I kind of stink at this whole blogging thing.

3. There is a very good chance that it will be another year before I post anything again.

4. I went the whole year without eating meat (as mentioned in a previous post, at the 7 month mark).

That's all.

-LC

I should be sleeping...

So I know that I only ever write on this about twice a year. I guess tonight is just one of those nights. It's 12:42 and I should be in bed, but for some reason I don't want to sleep yet. I will regret this in the morning, I'm sure. Such is the life of a college student.
I don't have anything particularly insightful to say tonight, especially not anything political or "treehugger-ish," except for the fact that I received a package from my mother today with a bar of organic,
fair trade,
spearmint,
dark chocolate....

Heaven. That is how I feel about chocolate.

That was random.

My roommates call me a hippie. I guess I'm okay with that. Regardless of what others think, I am NOT a raving liberal. If anything, I have slightly liberal undertones on a few, select subjects. I do believe that it is possible to be somewhat of a treehugger and still have conservative values.

I recycle and like to buy organic but that doesn't mean I'm pro-choice or against our right to bear arms.

I think I am going to continue re-interpreting what this blog is about. I think it is kind of a jumbled mess of odds and ends, not really about anything in particular. I guess that kind of mirrors my personality; I'm a bit of a "Jane" of all trades. Moderately good at a bunch of different things, but not truly AMAZING at anything.

So I guess that's it for tonight. I'm going to finish some much-procrastinated Spanish homework. Good night.

-LC

They paved paradise to put up a parking lot...

New favorite "Green" song:

Big Yellow Taxi

originally by Joni Mitchell, but I really like the Counting Crows version with Vanessa Carlton.

I'm torn between two favorite lines:

don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got til it's gone...they paved paradise to put up a parking lot.

and

hey farmer, farmer put away that DDT. I don't mind spots on my apples, leave me the birds and the bees...please.

Anyway...someday I'm going to write a song as political and green as that. I know I haven't written in a while, but I have new goals for the coming school year (my first year in an apartment, with a kitchen!!):

1). Go to the farmers market as often as I can.
2). EAT healthy...aka..real food...fruit...vegetables...whole grains...homemade stuff:)
3). Continue to be a vegetarian....(going on 7 months!)
4). Eat breakfast!!!!!!!
5). Buy Local, organic and fair trade as much as I can!
6). Go to the International Cinema really often.
7). Become a really good cook.
8). Make my own stuff
9). Be creative and recycle.

I'm excited for this next year...it's going to be a blast.

-LC

Earth Day

Earth Day is April 22nd! Act "greener" than you normally would!

-LC

Places I want to go/visit/live

-Mexico
-ITALY
-France
-Greece
-Australia
-South America (I haven't decided where exactly yet, but I would love to experience Latin American culture firsthand, because I already feel such a connection to the Spanish language and the parts of the culture I am familiar with.)
-Cuba....mainly because of Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights...so maybe not current Cuba...but the Cuba of 40 years ago.
-New York City
-California...I've been there many times, and I believe I inherited a large amount of "California blood" from my mother, a beautiful, "beach-loving" California girl.
-Stars Hollow....somewhere like that.
-Denmark...preferably Copenhagen. My parents visited there and told me that it seemed very economical and efficient.
-India
-South Africa
-Spain...wow Ican't believe I didn't think about that one until now.
-Germany
-Okay, basically everywhere in Europe.

I want to go these places, live there for a time and learn the languages. The Ultimate Goal.

-LC

"It's not worth the calories..."

I remember several times hearing my mother use this phrase in relation to some sugary candy, mediocre macaroni, or the like. This is not saying that my mother or I are overly obsessed with counting calories and dieting. Hardly. But now that I am older I realize there is definite truth to this phrase, some food really isn't worth it. If you are only eating it because it's there, because you are bored, because what you really want isn't available at the moment or takes more preparation, or for any other reason than for the simple enjoyment of that particular food, it really isn't "worth the calories."
For several weeks earlier this fall my best friend and I decided to go without sugar, just for the heck of it. I really feel like this experience refined my tastes and made me realize which sweets are worth it and which I would've eaten for any of the above reasons. For example, store-bought cookies are okay, but my mother's homemade chocolate chip cookies are worth the calories every time.
I don't mean to sound like I only ever indulge in foods that are of the highest quality and taste, I am often guilty of eating something just because it is there or because I am too lazy to make what I really want. I think it's also really hard to only eat what you really want because we live in a society surrounded by food. At almost every gathering, there is bound to be an array of mediocre goodies and sweets determined to sneak into the hands and eventually the mouths of unsuspecting guests. The "I'll just have one" mindset rarely finds success at such events.
Anyway, I guess this has sort of turned into a rant about mediocre cuisine (ironic phrase, I know) and I really didn't mean for it to turn out that way. I might need to go on another no-sugar kick in order to purge my body of high fructose corn syrup and refine my cravings once more. Maybe not...
I'm off to eat dinner...and I will probably have ice cream for dessert...but in lieu of this recent post, maybe I'll only have one scoop:).

-LC

ps: still not eating meat....pushing two months...does that mean I should identify myself as a vegetarian?

music will change the world

current favorites:

-gravity, sara bareilles
-wasted, cartel
-lighted up, gabriel mann
-eres mi religion, mana
-someone to watch over me, when ella fitzgerald sings it
-mack the knife, louis armstrong
-sing to you, table for one/caleb blood
-things i'll never say, avril lavigne...story of my life
-congratulations, blue october

music is powerful...it touches emotions that the spoken word cannot...it is both a refuge and a celebration.

Temporary Vegetarian...

So...one of the goals that I mentioned in a previous post was to be a vegetarian for a week. Well, I did it! I've actually been a "vegetarian" (I don't feel comfortable saying that I'm a vegetarian yet because I don't know how long it will last) for almost 3 weeks. It's honestly not as hard as I thought it would be. Considering I rarely eat meat for Breakfast or Lunch and cafeteria meat never really piques my appetite, it's been fairly easy. I think the biggest challenge is finding other things that fill me up, and learning to like salad. I guess the salad part isn't a requirement to be a vegetarian, but I figured I should like vegetables...since it's kind of in the name. Anyway, I'm not sure how long I'll keep this up. So far, so good. I doubt that I'll never eat meat again (especially when I get home and am around my moms venison tacos, or my grandmother's pork roast), but I like the fact that I can handle it. Anyway....just some thoughts. I felt like posting something.

word of advice: do something to change your world, and do it now.
~LC

ps: I can't wait for next year when I'm no longer without a kitchen. I would love to fill my apartment kitchen next year with organic food and local produce. And be able to cook and not rely on mass-produced cafeteria food. Hooray for getting out of the dorms!

Must run in the family...

So if there are more than 2 people that actually read this blog....check out my mom's "Eat Local" blog. It's another issue that is incredibly important.

http://flavorsoftheumpqua.blogspot.com/

Check it out!

-LC

What a waste....

So since I've been at school...this semester and the past semester...I've been trying to recycle as much as I can. Mainly, bottles and paper. But there are, of course, items that don't fit in either of those categories. I've realized two things: 1) that I can find a second or third use for a lot of things and 2) that I used to waste SO much.

I think since I've been in this mindset, that I look at things I used to throw away and see potential to make them into something else. Seriously the three R's are not just good for the Earth, but they're beneficial to a college student's budget. I don't waste money on buying new things because I've remade my old stuff into what I need. I realize this isn't going to work for everything, but still. Lack of cash breeds CREATIVITY and ORIGINALITY. Gotta love it.

Well...that's all for now...pretty simple...but just the thoughts of a wants-to-save-the-earth-and-likes-making-her-own-stuff chick:).

-LC

The above pictures are not my own creations...but I thought they were cool:)....if you can't tell..it's pop cans:) and candy wrappers